Last night I ate some reduce priced plaice from the supermarket which drastically upset my stomach, this continued through the night and for most of today. So I am not feeling quite my best. Now, I am assuming it was the plaice and not some dastardly deed by my owner in recompense for my attempted 'slave union rebellion'. She would not do that, would she??? Hmmm she probably would actually, but I think not on this occasion. Why? Because she would have taken great delight in telling me it was her.
Being a devout slave to my owner, like any good martyr, I soldiered on and went to work to earn 'coin'. Never has a days work been so gladly completed as it was today. So I am very glad to be home and no work for three days, well, apart from providing service for She Who Must Be Obeyed. (Written in invisible slave ink) You know, the bossy bitch.
I like to consider myself reasonably brave (as well as stupid). After my failed rebellion, predominantly due to the appalling, low down, insensitive threats to Cati, I decided to push my bravery to the outer limits. Now as many will know, this is Cati 2, Cati 1 was cruelly sold by you know who . Being allowed to have Cati 2 was extremely lucky (and she made me wait over a year), so I was pushing this further recently by asking for some spare parts. Again I was fortunate, I was permitted to buy a brand new fairing panel from the proceeds of my Xmas tips. So today, after the failed 'coup', I asked MT if I could bid on Ebay for yet another fairing panel.....see my bravery has no limits.
If I said 'MT was not happy', or 'MT appeared to be slightly miffed' or 'MT gave me That Look', or 'MT politely said no', you would probably be quite suprised. You all know how reasonable she can be, how gentle and mild, how sweet and forgiving... Yep you guessed it she looked really pissed off with me.
PS This morning, despite being close to death (just love being melodramatic, well I am a man) I tried to provide my manly services to MT as demanded (being ever efficient she had set her alarm extra early). All did not go as well as usual, so on my return home, despite still feeling close to death I made brave and vigorous amends for this morning. One happy owner and one very happy me, and it may mean I am allowed to get to sleep before 1-00 am. Ok that bit is stupidly optimistic.
(Is it my fault I clearly have Thracian blood in my veins? Perhaps that's why she seems to like the damned stuff so much)
Friday, 14 January 2011
Thursday, 13 January 2011
Oh look a bus....
Well today has been quite a busy one. Before I relate this however, I feel compelled to mention two people who helped to ' form' my day. First mention goes to Junebug who so very kindly started the thread on FL's O/p group about the slave rebellion. Now I admit, I did start this with my blog entry, however, the escalation to O/p gained significant attention. At first I was warmed by my comrades healthy responses, but then their resolve seemed to weaken....
The risk of Owner reprisals and the blatant attempt at bribery by my owner to furnish them with fancy shoes took it's toll. Solidarity and unity became a sea of drowning slaves and one by one they rushed for the sanctuary of the shore, lifeboats and of course the 'shoes'. I fought bravely, the Ducati, my dear beloved Cati became the vital pawn in the revolt and her life was so sorely threatened by my Owner. Our future together was so cruelly threatened, the dreaded mention of selling her almost stopped my heart (I am still recovering from the barbaric selling of Cati Mark 1, a scar that I fear will never heal). I fear the cause was lost, we are destined to stay in this life of slavery, a life of service, pain and humiliation, the owners have yet again won a grand victory.
The second person I would like to thank is the marvellous Kaya. Thank you so very much, not from the bottom of my heart, but from the very bottom of my bottom. Kaya kindly asked MT if she thought it was a coincidence that the one day she did not have sex with me that she had put on a pound in weight. My darling owner may have been swayed by this comment as rigorous exercise was duly performed on/ with this poor slave when I arrived home for my lunch break. After said very vigorous, (aka brutal), 'exercise', I was allowed some food before being sent out to work again.
Work was shit today, arms deep in a fish pond that had not been cleaned or cleared for about ten years, it smelled so disgusting and I was covered in sludge, yuk. I had to come home, change and shower before trotting off to the next job.
MT has said she feels tired tonight, so there's a small chance I may get some rest tonight. She has had a busy day, overthrowing a slave revolt, going for a trot in the forest, seeing to me, then going swimming before finally resting with her laptop. Life as an owner, eh? It must be exhausting.
The risk of Owner reprisals and the blatant attempt at bribery by my owner to furnish them with fancy shoes took it's toll. Solidarity and unity became a sea of drowning slaves and one by one they rushed for the sanctuary of the shore, lifeboats and of course the 'shoes'. I fought bravely, the Ducati, my dear beloved Cati became the vital pawn in the revolt and her life was so sorely threatened by my Owner. Our future together was so cruelly threatened, the dreaded mention of selling her almost stopped my heart (I am still recovering from the barbaric selling of Cati Mark 1, a scar that I fear will never heal). I fear the cause was lost, we are destined to stay in this life of slavery, a life of service, pain and humiliation, the owners have yet again won a grand victory.
The second person I would like to thank is the marvellous Kaya. Thank you so very much, not from the bottom of my heart, but from the very bottom of my bottom. Kaya kindly asked MT if she thought it was a coincidence that the one day she did not have sex with me that she had put on a pound in weight. My darling owner may have been swayed by this comment as rigorous exercise was duly performed on/ with this poor slave when I arrived home for my lunch break. After said very vigorous, (aka brutal), 'exercise', I was allowed some food before being sent out to work again.
Work was shit today, arms deep in a fish pond that had not been cleaned or cleared for about ten years, it smelled so disgusting and I was covered in sludge, yuk. I had to come home, change and shower before trotting off to the next job.
MT has said she feels tired tonight, so there's a small chance I may get some rest tonight. She has had a busy day, overthrowing a slave revolt, going for a trot in the forest, seeing to me, then going swimming before finally resting with her laptop. Life as an owner, eh? It must be exhausting.
Wednesday, 12 January 2011
Slave shock.
NEWS FLASH!
Last night MT did NOT get me to bonk her, nor was I bonked. Neither did I have to give any other sexual service.
This morning, the same - nothing.
My world has fallen apart, she no longer wants me, I am an obsolete slave - perhaps she will sell me, alas alas whatever shall I do? I will tell you what I will do, I will use the time to rest and recover, because this will be the calm before the storm. An MT who has not had sex is like a vicious lion starved of food for weeks. She will hunt me down, there will be no hiding place. She smiles at me sweetly from across the room, she can't fool me with that old trick, Oh no, as soon as my guard is down she will pounce and go for the kill, probably a slow painful one. MT has many lion like qualities actually, she looks very lion like. I have seen them in Africa, watched them eyeing their victims from afar, before they make their slow stealthy approach before the chase. I shall have to be doubly careful as bedtime approaches, Oh yes, the lion is looking hungry.
Last night she fell asleep in my arms which was really nice. I do find it safer to hold her very tightly, that way she can't inflict as much pain on me, see I am not totally silly (though she even bites me in her sleep, drawing blood occasionally which is so 'sweet'. Not).
I missed the dictator today, I mean, I missed my owner today. As the lowly slave toiled in the local fields (gardens actually but fields sounded more dramatic and slavelike) my darling Owner swanned off for a shopping trip, then drinks and lunch with a friend. It must be tough being an owner.... I dimly recall.
Last night MT did NOT get me to bonk her, nor was I bonked. Neither did I have to give any other sexual service.
This morning, the same - nothing.
My world has fallen apart, she no longer wants me, I am an obsolete slave - perhaps she will sell me, alas alas whatever shall I do? I will tell you what I will do, I will use the time to rest and recover, because this will be the calm before the storm. An MT who has not had sex is like a vicious lion starved of food for weeks. She will hunt me down, there will be no hiding place. She smiles at me sweetly from across the room, she can't fool me with that old trick, Oh no, as soon as my guard is down she will pounce and go for the kill, probably a slow painful one. MT has many lion like qualities actually, she looks very lion like. I have seen them in Africa, watched them eyeing their victims from afar, before they make their slow stealthy approach before the chase. I shall have to be doubly careful as bedtime approaches, Oh yes, the lion is looking hungry.
Last night she fell asleep in my arms which was really nice. I do find it safer to hold her very tightly, that way she can't inflict as much pain on me, see I am not totally silly (though she even bites me in her sleep, drawing blood occasionally which is so 'sweet'. Not).
I missed the dictator today, I mean, I missed my owner today. As the lowly slave toiled in the local fields (gardens actually but fields sounded more dramatic and slavelike) my darling Owner swanned off for a shopping trip, then drinks and lunch with a friend. It must be tough being an owner.... I dimly recall.
Tuesday, 11 January 2011
Slave pruning
Last night I was allowed to go to sleep once the bedroom activities were complete, this was about 1:40 am, at about 7-30 am I was awoken by MT. I escaped to work, but on my brief return at 10-15 am when I was hoping for a pleasant rest, I was put to very rough use again and I also got a bloody caning on my still bruised butt, Grrrr.
Whilst at the sanctuary, I mean whilst at work this afternoon, I was merrily pruning some hydrangeas. I was rather belatedly cutting off last years dead blooms and cutting out the dead wood. Some of this was quite thick and particularly dense at the base (my first thoughts of a similarity with myself). If left in place, this dead wood would inhibit this years growth. It was at this precise moment that I also realised I was very much like the hydrangea in regards to it's need for pruning. Of course, you do not have to prune them, they will still grow year after year but they will perhaps never be quite as good as they could have been if they had been pruned.They will grow unchecked and unruly and perhaps even become unsuitable for their environment. Eventually, if left unattended and uncared for they may even perish prematurely.
Like the hydrangeas old wood, I have held old values, beliefs, and inbred and inbuilt facets of my personality and behaviour that had accumulated over the years. My base, ie my core self, had been cluttered and littered with the past and my indoctrinated beliefs.It was due to 'lack of pruning' that my submission had initially failed to grow and flourish as quickly as it might have done.
It was then that I recognised that of course MT had been systematically pruning and nurturing me ever since I had met her. She has methodically removed unwanted branches (parts of my behaviour and attitude etc) either entirely, or trimmed (modified) them during the course of our relationship. I have been pruned, trimmed, shaped and nurtured, as though MT is my gardener. It may not sound very glamourous but in practical terms it fits.
I am sure MT will find this quite humourous, MT and gardening used in the same sentence, it beggars belief.
But of course, I am not a hydrangea or any other type of shrub, I am a human being. Another 'light bulb' moment occurred and I thought about the fact that a shrub is not able to prune itself, someone either prunes it or doesn't get pruned. I on the other hand, being a sentient human being, am capable of assisting my owner in the pruning process and of growing into what she wants me to become. I believe I have made good progress recently, but I realise I have a responsibility to do my utmost to change/ grow by applying more effort to being what MT wants me to be, rather than the past where I was left un-tended.
It's a good job I wasn't spreading fertilizer today otherwise the analogy might have turned out somewhat differently, and probably a messy and not such sweet smelling ending.
Whilst at the sanctuary, I mean whilst at work this afternoon, I was merrily pruning some hydrangeas. I was rather belatedly cutting off last years dead blooms and cutting out the dead wood. Some of this was quite thick and particularly dense at the base (my first thoughts of a similarity with myself). If left in place, this dead wood would inhibit this years growth. It was at this precise moment that I also realised I was very much like the hydrangea in regards to it's need for pruning. Of course, you do not have to prune them, they will still grow year after year but they will perhaps never be quite as good as they could have been if they had been pruned.They will grow unchecked and unruly and perhaps even become unsuitable for their environment. Eventually, if left unattended and uncared for they may even perish prematurely.
Like the hydrangeas old wood, I have held old values, beliefs, and inbred and inbuilt facets of my personality and behaviour that had accumulated over the years. My base, ie my core self, had been cluttered and littered with the past and my indoctrinated beliefs.It was due to 'lack of pruning' that my submission had initially failed to grow and flourish as quickly as it might have done.
It was then that I recognised that of course MT had been systematically pruning and nurturing me ever since I had met her. She has methodically removed unwanted branches (parts of my behaviour and attitude etc) either entirely, or trimmed (modified) them during the course of our relationship. I have been pruned, trimmed, shaped and nurtured, as though MT is my gardener. It may not sound very glamourous but in practical terms it fits.
I am sure MT will find this quite humourous, MT and gardening used in the same sentence, it beggars belief.
But of course, I am not a hydrangea or any other type of shrub, I am a human being. Another 'light bulb' moment occurred and I thought about the fact that a shrub is not able to prune itself, someone either prunes it or doesn't get pruned. I on the other hand, being a sentient human being, am capable of assisting my owner in the pruning process and of growing into what she wants me to become. I believe I have made good progress recently, but I realise I have a responsibility to do my utmost to change/ grow by applying more effort to being what MT wants me to be, rather than the past where I was left un-tended.
It's a good job I wasn't spreading fertilizer today otherwise the analogy might have turned out somewhat differently, and probably a messy and not such sweet smelling ending.
Monday, 10 January 2011
My Owners knickers
The day started pretty much as usual, MT demanding her owner's rights, what must a slave do to get some rest ? Perhaps a second male slave is not a bad idea after all. Ok that would definately not be good but the thought of some rest is at times appealing. Mind you, I would probably end up having to serve both of them knowing her.
Fortunately, some duties are more pleasurable than others and at least this morning I was on the giving end and not the receiving one. This was really fortunate as I am not yet fully healed.
MT is still tender, slave smirks cheekily and passes MT a little glance and chuckles to himself, of course she has not read this yet. Apparently, her swimming today was a little stingy, such a shame, I feel so much sympathy NOT. See I am a 'real man' after all, well when MT lets me anyway ;)
I really don't see why slaves can't have a day off, most workers get two days off a week, so why not slaves? I must form a Union. What about holidays as well? And some wages, plus of course health benefits as well. I must broach this with MT I am sure she will understand.....
We did the boring food shop, then I went to the gym while MT went swimming, then off to do some retail therapy. MT wanted a swim suit, which we duly purchased and she looks great in it, very nice and clingy in all the right places. Sorry, am I not supposed to perv over my owner? I am such a bad bad slave.
Then there was the purchasing of lingerie, some for everyday use and then the more difficult purchase of some lingerie she informed me were purely for the purpose of wearing to taunt me when engaging with others. This brought very mixed feelings to say the least.
She chose an exceptionally sexy pair of panties, which of course I had to 'pay for'. That's part of the humiliation, having to pay for something that will be used to taunt and hurt you. It has such a nice touch, as an ex Dom, I truly respect her expertise in the art of domination and all other associated aspects of TPE. Trust me to be stupid enough to be owned by such an intelligent, perceptive, sadistic, inventive, tormenting woman as MT.
MT has apparently decided that 2011 is to be in her words 'a busy and directional year'. WTF does that mean? Well, it seems I am going to be 'well motivated' - yet another WTF does that mean? So, the slave is not really any the wiser, however, there are enough brain cells left in my tiny little head to know that this does not bode well, not well at all. The last four and a half years have been 'busy and directional' and there is now another one of her epedemics of 'motivation', so the signs are not good. But, it will no doubt be fun finding out.
I am enjoying writing the blogs, it helps me come to terms with things, by causing me to think about and then write about them. Such a good prezzie from MT for Xmas AND of course, yet another avenue to provide an international stage for my humiliation. See? I told you she was good.
Fortunately, some duties are more pleasurable than others and at least this morning I was on the giving end and not the receiving one. This was really fortunate as I am not yet fully healed.
MT is still tender, slave smirks cheekily and passes MT a little glance and chuckles to himself, of course she has not read this yet. Apparently, her swimming today was a little stingy, such a shame, I feel so much sympathy NOT. See I am a 'real man' after all, well when MT lets me anyway ;)
I really don't see why slaves can't have a day off, most workers get two days off a week, so why not slaves? I must form a Union. What about holidays as well? And some wages, plus of course health benefits as well. I must broach this with MT I am sure she will understand.....
We did the boring food shop, then I went to the gym while MT went swimming, then off to do some retail therapy. MT wanted a swim suit, which we duly purchased and she looks great in it, very nice and clingy in all the right places. Sorry, am I not supposed to perv over my owner? I am such a bad bad slave.
Then there was the purchasing of lingerie, some for everyday use and then the more difficult purchase of some lingerie she informed me were purely for the purpose of wearing to taunt me when engaging with others. This brought very mixed feelings to say the least.
She chose an exceptionally sexy pair of panties, which of course I had to 'pay for'. That's part of the humiliation, having to pay for something that will be used to taunt and hurt you. It has such a nice touch, as an ex Dom, I truly respect her expertise in the art of domination and all other associated aspects of TPE. Trust me to be stupid enough to be owned by such an intelligent, perceptive, sadistic, inventive, tormenting woman as MT.
MT has apparently decided that 2011 is to be in her words 'a busy and directional year'. WTF does that mean? Well, it seems I am going to be 'well motivated' - yet another WTF does that mean? So, the slave is not really any the wiser, however, there are enough brain cells left in my tiny little head to know that this does not bode well, not well at all. The last four and a half years have been 'busy and directional' and there is now another one of her epedemics of 'motivation', so the signs are not good. But, it will no doubt be fun finding out.
I am enjoying writing the blogs, it helps me come to terms with things, by causing me to think about and then write about them. Such a good prezzie from MT for Xmas AND of course, yet another avenue to provide an international stage for my humiliation. See? I told you she was good.
Sunday, 9 January 2011
Easy like Sunday morning...well, easier.
Today has been quite a low key relaxing/ pleasant one, apart from this mornings excess rogering which I received upon MT awakening. The woman really is insatiable. I sometimes wonder if part of the criteria for being an owner is a constant desire for excess in everything. Owners can be so demanding - do this do that, be this be that, it just goes on and on, I mean, what do they think we are, bloody slaves?
I feel a huge sense of relief that Friday nights events were successfully completed and that the 'thing' I had been dreading did not cause me the distress I had been so concerned about. Since then, I have felt even closer to MT and more at ease, in a strange sort of way I feel more of a slave than I did before. Acceptance of my true position I suppose has often felt a little abstract, having to face some of the least desirable realities and deal with them has perhaps reinforced my position. Learning to put aside my own wants, needs, likes, dislikes in favour of trying to focus entirely on pleasing my owner holistically 24/7 has perhaps historically been a barrier to me meeting her expectations.
I now feel I have crossed this barrier and will be able to serve her better in the future. I am of course a realist, no doubt there will be some backward steps, but I shall do my best to make amends if this happens and then leap forward to make up for any loss.
I feel a sense of great amusement that MT is feeling a little physical discomfort from our last few days marathon of antics, ha ha. Unfortunately, my own discomforts are far in excess of hers and will no doubt be kept uncomfortable. I really need all over body protection, perhaps I could seek advice from the SAS.
There is a saying 'sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me' , my version of this is ' sticks and stones may break my bones but MT will really hurt me '.
MT and I really are a strange mix, a sadist owned by a sadist, an older man owned by a younger woman, a left winger owning a right winger, an avid carnivore owned by a vegetarian, the list is almost endless. Fuck knows why and how it works, but it does.
I feel a huge sense of relief that Friday nights events were successfully completed and that the 'thing' I had been dreading did not cause me the distress I had been so concerned about. Since then, I have felt even closer to MT and more at ease, in a strange sort of way I feel more of a slave than I did before. Acceptance of my true position I suppose has often felt a little abstract, having to face some of the least desirable realities and deal with them has perhaps reinforced my position. Learning to put aside my own wants, needs, likes, dislikes in favour of trying to focus entirely on pleasing my owner holistically 24/7 has perhaps historically been a barrier to me meeting her expectations.
I now feel I have crossed this barrier and will be able to serve her better in the future. I am of course a realist, no doubt there will be some backward steps, but I shall do my best to make amends if this happens and then leap forward to make up for any loss.
I feel a sense of great amusement that MT is feeling a little physical discomfort from our last few days marathon of antics, ha ha. Unfortunately, my own discomforts are far in excess of hers and will no doubt be kept uncomfortable. I really need all over body protection, perhaps I could seek advice from the SAS.
There is a saying 'sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me' , my version of this is ' sticks and stones may break my bones but MT will really hurt me '.
MT and I really are a strange mix, a sadist owned by a sadist, an older man owned by a younger woman, a left winger owning a right winger, an avid carnivore owned by a vegetarian, the list is almost endless. Fuck knows why and how it works, but it does.
Saturday, 8 January 2011
Hard To Swallow
Just couldn't resist the title. If you are going down you may as well go down properly.....
Sometimes I think I have been pushed as far as I can be, and then MT always pushes me even further. In the last couple of months I feel I have become more of a slave than I had been previously. I sort of feel like sometimes within my slavery I have been in complete darkness, then there have been moments of faint light and shadows, as time has passed there have been flashes of light, then either darkness or dim light.... The patches of darkness have become less common, and I have felt more 'illuminated'. Recently, mainly due to MT informing me she may choose to take sexual pleasure in other men, I suddenly realised I was truly owned. Last night it was like all the lights had come on at once, I realise now that I have moved into another level of my slavery.
At the bi swingers/ BDSM club I was filled with the usual trepidation. There was a varied mix of people, as usual more single males than couples, and that is always a very bad sign for me. During the course of the next 5 hours I underwent so many different experiences, feelings and emotions I can barely recount them all. I was made to separately suck four different men's cocks. I think it is important to clarify that I am most definitely not bisexually orientated, and under no circumstances would I ever do any bisexual acts at my own volition. Watching me perform acts so deeply contrary to my base orientation is something which gives MT a sadistic control kick which she loves. It also reinforces how owned I am in no uncertain terms, and that I no longer have any freedom of my own will. Of the four men, three of them were each seen separately in a private room with MT, and the other one in a public area. One of them spunked down my throat, which was particularly 'distasteful', not to mention extremely humiliating, and quite surprising as he just did it without any prior warning. Honestly some people's manners are appalling.
In the private room two of the men were allowed by MT to caress her and give her numerous orgasms with their fingers, and mouth on her ass, whilst I was forced to watch at the same time as sucking their cocks. I was given the almighty humiliation of her telling me to pull down her sexy panties onto her thighs so that they could could fondle her ass. Both of the guys had objectively fit bodies, but even I could tell that one of them was very good looking and had a very toned and muscled body and it was very clear MT found him very attractive, which made me feel even worse. Afterwards I was forced to thank them 'for pleasuring my woman'. I thought I was actually going to choke on the words even more than I choked on the cock of the guy MT liked (because of course the one she found hot had to have a fucking huge cock the bastard), but managed to utter them - probably not very convincingly though.
My next trial was being bent over a bench in a public area and being given a very harsh caning in front of a group of men. The caning was very painful and as usual I hollered and howled, just a tad embarrassing. One of the guys fondled my cheeks and poked his finger into my ass. My cheeks and thighs were very sore and bruised and still are.
Seeing MT use other men to humiliate me and for her sexual pleasure was the 'big thing' I had been dreading. When she first informed me of the possibility several months ago I felt devastated. I was jealous, I wanted to be the only male and hated the thought of it, I was also scared that it would ruin our relationship, even to the point of wondering if I could still love her. I know this probably sounds very illogical, selfish, childish and a myriad of other things, but quite frankly, the thought was driving me nuts. My base nature is that of an extremely jealous, possessive man. I realize that this may be seen by some as a flaw in a personality however, it has been a key part of who I am and how I have lived my life. This area is one that I've never compromised on before in any relationship. It additionally strikes very heavily at some of my baggage, where infidelity basically brought about the demise of my two marriages. I think this speaks volumes for my relationship with MT. I love her more than I loved any other women and pleasing her is more important that pleasing myself, albeit by pleasing her I've realized that it actually does please me. My being owned means much more to me than any marriage, and evidently more than my key driver of possessiveness and jealousy. It seems life really isn't about Me-Me-Me anymore.
We spoke about it, I read about it, I kept convincing myself I was a slave and this was part of it etc etc and little by little the realisation grew that there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. It was her right and it was my duty to be a good slave regardless of how it made me feel. Much easier said than done, but then aren't most things?
I was relieved I did not feel broken and damaged (this is a shining testament to the work she's systematically done over the years). I then realised not only did I feel even more love for her but the feeling I had never felt as owned as I did then. I felt a sort of calmness, I had survived it, I had enjoyed seeing her taking her pleasure in my humiliation, and in the physical stimulation she had received and I felt privileged that I had been allowed to share this with her.
The drive home, one and a half hours, was quite tiring and painful due to my beaten rump. We only briefly discussed the events as I was driving and MT was sleepy. When we got home we fucked like rabbits and have spent the whole day reliving the night and fucking each others brains out. I have absolutely no regrets about MT teaching me my place, I needed this and she knew it. She ALWAYS knows what is right for me, her and us. It has been a very important part of my development, I feel very loved, so very enslaved and very happy and very relieved that I have crossed a line which I really thought was going to be insurmountable.
PS I would like to say a very special thank you to my fellow slaves who have posted their comments wishing to know the details of my demise, your solidarity is touching. You are true sadists, I applaud you as I throw you all under the bus.
Sometimes I think I have been pushed as far as I can be, and then MT always pushes me even further. In the last couple of months I feel I have become more of a slave than I had been previously. I sort of feel like sometimes within my slavery I have been in complete darkness, then there have been moments of faint light and shadows, as time has passed there have been flashes of light, then either darkness or dim light.... The patches of darkness have become less common, and I have felt more 'illuminated'. Recently, mainly due to MT informing me she may choose to take sexual pleasure in other men, I suddenly realised I was truly owned. Last night it was like all the lights had come on at once, I realise now that I have moved into another level of my slavery.
At the bi swingers/ BDSM club I was filled with the usual trepidation. There was a varied mix of people, as usual more single males than couples, and that is always a very bad sign for me. During the course of the next 5 hours I underwent so many different experiences, feelings and emotions I can barely recount them all. I was made to separately suck four different men's cocks. I think it is important to clarify that I am most definitely not bisexually orientated, and under no circumstances would I ever do any bisexual acts at my own volition. Watching me perform acts so deeply contrary to my base orientation is something which gives MT a sadistic control kick which she loves. It also reinforces how owned I am in no uncertain terms, and that I no longer have any freedom of my own will. Of the four men, three of them were each seen separately in a private room with MT, and the other one in a public area. One of them spunked down my throat, which was particularly 'distasteful', not to mention extremely humiliating, and quite surprising as he just did it without any prior warning. Honestly some people's manners are appalling.
In the private room two of the men were allowed by MT to caress her and give her numerous orgasms with their fingers, and mouth on her ass, whilst I was forced to watch at the same time as sucking their cocks. I was given the almighty humiliation of her telling me to pull down her sexy panties onto her thighs so that they could could fondle her ass. Both of the guys had objectively fit bodies, but even I could tell that one of them was very good looking and had a very toned and muscled body and it was very clear MT found him very attractive, which made me feel even worse. Afterwards I was forced to thank them 'for pleasuring my woman'. I thought I was actually going to choke on the words even more than I choked on the cock of the guy MT liked (because of course the one she found hot had to have a fucking huge cock the bastard), but managed to utter them - probably not very convincingly though.
My next trial was being bent over a bench in a public area and being given a very harsh caning in front of a group of men. The caning was very painful and as usual I hollered and howled, just a tad embarrassing. One of the guys fondled my cheeks and poked his finger into my ass. My cheeks and thighs were very sore and bruised and still are.
Seeing MT use other men to humiliate me and for her sexual pleasure was the 'big thing' I had been dreading. When she first informed me of the possibility several months ago I felt devastated. I was jealous, I wanted to be the only male and hated the thought of it, I was also scared that it would ruin our relationship, even to the point of wondering if I could still love her. I know this probably sounds very illogical, selfish, childish and a myriad of other things, but quite frankly, the thought was driving me nuts. My base nature is that of an extremely jealous, possessive man. I realize that this may be seen by some as a flaw in a personality however, it has been a key part of who I am and how I have lived my life. This area is one that I've never compromised on before in any relationship. It additionally strikes very heavily at some of my baggage, where infidelity basically brought about the demise of my two marriages. I think this speaks volumes for my relationship with MT. I love her more than I loved any other women and pleasing her is more important that pleasing myself, albeit by pleasing her I've realized that it actually does please me. My being owned means much more to me than any marriage, and evidently more than my key driver of possessiveness and jealousy. It seems life really isn't about Me-Me-Me anymore.
We spoke about it, I read about it, I kept convincing myself I was a slave and this was part of it etc etc and little by little the realisation grew that there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. It was her right and it was my duty to be a good slave regardless of how it made me feel. Much easier said than done, but then aren't most things?
I was relieved I did not feel broken and damaged (this is a shining testament to the work she's systematically done over the years). I then realised not only did I feel even more love for her but the feeling I had never felt as owned as I did then. I felt a sort of calmness, I had survived it, I had enjoyed seeing her taking her pleasure in my humiliation, and in the physical stimulation she had received and I felt privileged that I had been allowed to share this with her.
The drive home, one and a half hours, was quite tiring and painful due to my beaten rump. We only briefly discussed the events as I was driving and MT was sleepy. When we got home we fucked like rabbits and have spent the whole day reliving the night and fucking each others brains out. I have absolutely no regrets about MT teaching me my place, I needed this and she knew it. She ALWAYS knows what is right for me, her and us. It has been a very important part of my development, I feel very loved, so very enslaved and very happy and very relieved that I have crossed a line which I really thought was going to be insurmountable.
PS I would like to say a very special thank you to my fellow slaves who have posted their comments wishing to know the details of my demise, your solidarity is touching. You are true sadists, I applaud you as I throw you all under the bus.
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