Behavioural therapy

OK. yesterdays post was a little depressing, I guess I was feeling a bit temperamental perhaps the two components of the word more aptly explain how I was. Basically I got upset, lost my temper and kicked off.

This morning I awoke feeling not too much better in terms of spirit. There was one thing that might sort my head out. So I asked MT if she could give me a beating as I felt I needed one. Now it is perhaps an unwise move to ask a miffed MT to give a beating, but I can be a bit of a lemming sometimes.


I was still in bed at the time so there was no need to strip off. MT decided she would start by giving me a slippering over her knee. I find it very humiliating to be put over her knee and for her to use the 'slipper' is even more humiliating. For those overseas, a slipper in this case is a black school style gym shoe. MT enjoys the fact I find this humiliating and also finds it an effect tool to make my cheeks very red, hot and sore.

Then it was the dreaded sjambok, that thing hurts so much, I now understand why MT loves them so much. It thuds hard into my flesh causing impact pain and then 20 seconds or so later the stinging starts and how it stings. I certainly got what I asked for, MT ensured she did a sound and thorough job on my buttocks plus a few gentler ones on the thighs.

I strayed several times from my kneeling position on the bed, forced to lay flat by the blows. When I did not get back up quickly enough the blows came down as I was laying there, which forced me back to my kneeling position PDQ. I got really good hiding.

I begged for mercy as the pain became worse as I became more bruised, but MT continued (which I had expected, she is a sadist after all, but this was also corrective therapy).

I knew she would not stop either when I started to cry, if anything, it usually spurs her on. I sobbed into the pillow and begged some more for mercy. Some minutes (many blows later) it stopped and I felt relieved, I also felt so broken and totally relaxed and unwound.....it's a miracle.

I should have known that it was not going to end there and sure enough MT decided to use me with the strap on. For over an hour my 'enthusiastic' owner very roughly penetrated her property. Sometimes this is not an unpleasant experience and very occasionally I even enjoy bits of it, today was a mix between enjoy and endure. This usually only happens when I'm very very broken down.

Eventually it stopped and I was left lying impaled on MT as she rested and relaxed.

Being used this hard was exactly what I needed, it brought me out of where I was and back to my owner's side and back to the right state of mind.

One of the many reasons why MT is so special to me is that she is the only person who has EVER been able to control me. Even though I can be exceptionally difficult, sometimes impossible, I always end up being put back where I belong. I like the fact she can control me like this, it makes me feel safe and very loved.

Disciplined

Last night when we went to bed I was expecting a fairly uneventful transition to sleep. Oh how wrong I was. Whilst in bed, MT told me to go and get the leather paddle, which of course I did. I was then given a very thorough spanking on my already very sore bruised and cut buttocks.

This was, however, no ordinary spanking, this was a disciplinary spanking because I had been a mouthy bitch (OK, mouthy I admit to, not so sure about the bitch bit...Ok I accept it ). During my spanking I was repeatedly told about my infraction and that my behaviour was not going to be tolerated etc etc. It was painful and I also find it humiliating to be spanked for bad behaviour, and this rarely happens - if I fuck up enough to get punished it's usually a much more harsh affair. MT refers to events  like last night as 'disciplinary,' which is her speak for an attitude adjusting warning shot. These come with  components to really take me down a peg or two. I felt quite relieved when the spanking was over. I can't remember how many times I had apologised for my bad behaviour during the spanking and hoped that was an end to the matter.

Wrong again, I was then told to fetch the strap on. Still very sore from Sunday mornings use I really was not enthusiastic (Ok, I sulked). MT then gave me a very long, very thorough disciplinary fucking which had me babbling out yet more apologies.

Finally, I was allowed to sleep.Not quite so easy when your backside is so very sore.

The threats of similar treatments for bad behaviour loom over my head, this might help me focus.