Wednesday 31 August 2011

Caged and in pain

Those of you who follow FL will be aware that MT has recently been on a 'clear out the house rampage'. Number one on the list was my clothes, which have been seriously culled, some were far too big due to the success of my diet (smug face) and others due to my alleged appalling taste (pre MT). Some of the clothes have been sold on Ebay, some to go to the charity shops and some simply to be sent to the rubbish tip.

I was also instructed to clear out my cage, this was a significant order. The cage, which is heavily disguised by a wooden exterior, was utilised by me to store a variety of items, including my fishing equipment. So at the weekend I obediently set about the task. In order to achieve this, I had to enter said cage from the end and pull out large quantities of stored items.

As soon as I put my head inside I started to get 'the cage' feeling and I could feel my pulse and breathing quicken. being confined initially has that impact upon me and then as time passes the quietness, darkness and containment creep over me and bring about a feeling of peace and tranquillity. Ultimately, this leads to a very relaxed and at peace slave, who when released tends to behave himself for a while at least :)

Whilst kneeling and pulling a large box I suddenly felt a massive pain just below my rib cage. I could not move easily because of the pain and had to carefully try to shuffle backwards to get out, which I achieved after quite a few agonising minutes. When out though I could not stand upright due to the pain, when I clutched the area in question I was shocked to discover a massive bulge as hard as a rock.....unfortunately this bulge was not my cock. I am still unsure if it was a massive muscle spasm or the old hernia back with a passion but it was fucking painful.

I manged to hobble stooped over to the front door and shout MT for assistance. I explained to her what the problem was and asked her to press hard on the area I was pressing on, which she did. After quite a few minutes I managed to straighten up and the swelling disappeared as if it had never existed, the aftermath of the pain was unfortunately evidence enough. So I was put on rest for the remainder of the day.

So MT  managed to bring about pain on me, albeit by chance ....she is a twooo Owner.

More significantly, the cage is now ready for use again, and all I have to do is sit back and wonder when I will be put in it.

Monday 29 August 2011

It hurt too much

Well MT decided we would go to the BDSM event yesterday, although she was obviously not really well enough. The weather was poor which meant we could not do anything outside although we did use the marquee as well as the indoor equipment.

Once in a while, I find I just can't take pain and yesterday was one of those days. MT strapped me to a bench and I requested a warm up...I did get a very short one, she prefers to beat me 'cold' as I mark easier.

Although she was not hitting me as hard as usual, I just could not stand it. It hurt so much, I just wanted to get up off the bench and escape somewhere. This has happened a few times before but yesterday was particularly bad. I made all sorts of noises and I think some pleas but no matter how MT altered the blows it still 'felt' far too much for me to bear. In the early stage I felt sorry for myself  but as the minutes passed this started to turn into annoyance and latterly into anger. I could feel the anger welling up inside me and I knew I had to contain it and be a good slave but I just hated it so much I just wanted it to stop.

I think it was a combination of things, for a start I was aching all over and in pain generally from a very physical week at work. I was also tired and we have not been doing much impact stuff recently, so I was not as accustomed to the pain as I usually am. Another factor which I also think is relevant is my loss of weight.

Having lost two and a half stone I have significantly less 'padding' on my body, particularly on the buttocks and thighs, MT's two favourite areas.A couple of blows on my thighs felt like they had hit bone (which of course they had not) but that was how it felt. Because the pain from each individual blow was causing me to inhale sharply I could not exhale properly in between blows, thus I was feeling exceptionally like I could not breath and felt as though I was suffocating.

Being ever vigilant , MT was instantly concerned by my reactions and asked numerous times if I was OK. I did my best to convince her I was OK but she was not fooled and decided to stop. Although I was exceptionally relieved by her decision I also felt sad that I had let her down and could not give her the pleasure she deserved.

Unfortunately, there was no blood play area like there usually is, so alternatives to impact play was limited.

We still had a good time, socialising, a couple of drinks, food, tea , coffee and of course cake. We also had a little bit of the sexy snuggling stuff on a very large mattress while all sorts of kink was going on around us.

I got a ticking off today because I escaped  ( I mean got up ) from bed this morning before MT was awake and missed the usual post bdsm buggering she usually gives me......I expect I will get it some time very soon.

Saturday 27 August 2011

Busy day

Today has been so busy, worked all day and then spent three hours up a ladder patching up our roof.. I have numerous scrapes and cuts, for a change, not caused by MT, roof tiles can be so abrasive.

MT is still unwell, I am quite worried about her, she will be visiting Doctors in a few days so hopefully she will get a good check up.

I am not sure if we will be going to the bdsm event tomorrow due to MT's health, so we shall have to wait and see. So I may yet escape a sound beating :).

Thursday 25 August 2011

Being normal

Sometimes being a slave is very exciting and exhilarating, sometimes it is difficult, sometimes it is just.... being normal.

At the moment MT is feeling very unwell and I am trying to look after her and the house things and of course work. I hate seeing her in pain, it makes me feel helpless. All I can do is try and take away the stress and look after her.

Even when things are like this and all the sexy things about slavery are on hold I still feel just as much, if not more her slave.

Wednesday 24 August 2011

Service and denial

I have been busy with work and providing sexual services to MT these last two days.I have lost count (of course) how many times I have provided sexual service to MT but it never ceases to amaze me the impact it has on me. As soon as she tells me what she wants my breathing gets very deep and intense and I get this really strange feeling deep inside me like an adrenalin rush but somehow slower but more powerful.

The more she becomes aroused the deeper my state becomes and I sort of feel  her sexual arousal myself and I get very turned on. Sometimes I am allowed to penetrate her with her 'dildo', sometimes I am permitted to masturbate, sometimes, quite often, just to focus on pleasing her without any physical stimulus myself.

I struggle very much with orgasm denial, but have been lucky in the past as it has not featured very much in our lives. MT has said that she may start to deny me orgasms soon for quite extended periods, in her words ' you will not be allowed to empty your balls'. This will prove very very difficult for me, I am used to fairly regular orgasms and have a healthy sex drive. I also get really moody and stressed when I need an orgasm, so this might prove a difficult time for me.

There have also been 'other' potential changes mentioned, some of which would be very difficult for me. But, if they are brought into effect I will do my utmost best to please her of course.

Tuesday 23 August 2011

The chains that bind

Hopefully we will be going to another day and evening event on Sunday. At the last one I was given a good beating and I am reliably informed I am due another one. Last time, when I was secured to a large frame by chains to my wrists I struggled so hard while being beaten with the sjambok I accidentally snapped the chains.

Of course, it was deemed bad behaviour on my part....I was just struggling and writhing with..... errrr... pain.

So I was ordered to purchase a replacement chain of superior quality. Such a chain was purchased yesterday and I am convinced that it will not break, even if I put all my weight on it and pull for all I am worth.

Purchasing such things often makes me smile. At the pay point I wonder what they would say if they knew what it was for. This chain was for securing objects such as bikes......a case could be made I suppose.


Sunday 21 August 2011

Catch 22

Those of us who are property understand only too well the full implications of our position. Basically speaking, it is just about being and doing whatever one's Owner tells you to do. Now this is easier for some people than it is for others. Even the more difficult types like myself can still find themselves in a tricky place even when they have acted or reacted totally as their Owner has wanted them to. Sometimes there are consequences that may or may not have been foreseen either by the property, the Owner, or both. It is perhaps a little like the phrase 'be careful what you wish for'. Sometimes things turn out in a way you had not envisaged.

This type of thing can often quite trivial, but sometimes the implications of an Owner's actions and the subsequent effects upon the property can be quite serious. As an example, I have recently been made aware by MT of something I have been doing that I had not realised the implications of. TBH I had not given it any thought at all really.

My primary driver is of course to be a good slave for MT and provide her with the slave she wants and deserves (haha that could be taken in two ways :) ) I get numerous things from being her slave, far too many to mention. What I have discovered about myself, which was brought about by MT, is the impact of humiliation on me. I have spoken before about humiliation but in this case it is just an example of a principle.

MT caused me to be humiliated on numerous occasions and still does. I hate the humiliation, I can take most things in my stride but humiliation really does hit me hard. The impact has been so great that I now yearn for it. If I do not get humiliated I not only crave it but beg for it.and when I do not get it I get really moody and apparently 'pesky'. MT has said that it has become an issue, I had not realised this, but having listened to her perspective I now understand it more.

MT is a sadist, she discovered early on the impact humiliation has on me, so, along with all her other 'tools of the trade' she used it whenever she wished for numerous reasons. As she is in no way a 'service top' she dislikes my requests/ demands/ sulks for humiliation. Now I fully understand this and she is totally correct, and of course it is sadistic to not give a slave what they crave for, especially if they are persistent and pesky.

BUT, my problem is this, I am I suppose addicted to humiliation, I crave it so much and the craving is getting worse. Now MT is also a nice person as well as a mean sadist, and sometimes she does things mainly because she knows I like them and I really do appreciate this.

Her desire though now to humiliate me is in a way conflicted by my requests to be humiliated. It is a situation that I will have to get through, but I am finding it particularly hard, probably one of the hardest things.The first step is for me to shut the fuck up and just sit back and wait to see what does or does not happen to me. Regardless of the outcome, I need to remember that I only get given what MT wants to give me. I do get that, I really do, but the 'craving' is higher than anything else I have ever experienced.

It is also perhaps a little ironic that I never wanted to be humiliated in the first place. I was forced into being humiliated by MT, who can now also use my desire for humiliation as a weapon by not meeting that desire. Or, she can still humiliate me and bring me down as and when she wishes... fucking Owners, they get it all ways.


Wednesday 17 August 2011

Just the three of us

It really was great having Ava stay with us, pity it could not have been longer. We will both miss her when she goes back home, but hopefully she will visit us again as soon as she can.

MT gave us both a hard time and Ava ended up with some lovely marks, I ended up with another cut on the face, actually I think I got off lighter than Ava haha. Of course we both had to service MT's sexual needs, quite a big job even when there are two of you working on it. I think she was well sated by the end of the night, mainly thanks to Ava's tongue.

It was nice as well to be allowed to do a little bit of that dom stuff, on Ava of course, not MT (mores the pity). Ava has a very spankable bottom, grippable throat and exceptionally slappable breasts. She looks absolutely divine when she is being dominated, I love watching MT put her through her paces.

Also, MT allowed Ava to do a little bit of that topping stuff on yours truly. She is a sadist in waiting, that's for sure.MT's training 'academy of sadism' is a dangerous place to be .




Monday 15 August 2011

Me, MT and Ava

It is so lovely to have Ava with us. Last night we sat up talking till quite late and everyone was tired so we went to bed without any activity. Today we went to Newmarket which was nice. On our return MT had Ava and me pleasure her. I ended up on the two choke chains again.

I think MT has plans for tonight so it could be a painful night for me and probably for Ava too.

MT's appetite for orgasms is almost insatiable, the more she has the more she wants. Inflicting pain on others makes her orgasm and then she inflicts more pain and gets more orgasms....it really is a vicious circle.

Sunday 14 August 2011

Ava's coming

It has been a relatively quiet weekend so far, but it is likely to get busier tonight. MT's submissive Ava is arriving tonight and no doubt there will be some activities. Ava is so lovely, we will miss her so much when she moves back home.I like to watch MT dominate Ava, it is a great dynamic, there is a real connection between them.

Last time I was allowed to slap her breasts and put my hands around her throat and have some other 'treats'.  My 'old ways' seem so natural, I can slip back into them seemlessly. But that was the past, although it is great to practice my old craft, my position as MT's slave is more fulfilling for me than my time was as a dominant..

Saturday 13 August 2011

Defrocked


I have been raped, pillaged and traumatised today by MT - the cruel cruel woman has no mercy, there really are no limits to the levels to which she will drag me.

The day started off just like many other normal days, you know the usual things, like have your cock and balls put on a choke chain and then get fucked in the arse mercilessly until you beg for mercy.

Then.... the unspeakable happened, I am struggling to recount it, the pain is so new, so raw, so deep, but I know I must be brave. MT ordered me to go through my clothes, try them on and parade myself in front of her, as she determined which items stayed and which items are to go. Can you fucking believe it? What a heinous crime, I may be a lowly slave but this is just too painful.

Treasured garments, steeped in history, full of distant memories were cast maliciously aside. Some are apparently to be sold, some sent to charity shops and others totally discarded to the big scrap heap in the sky. Garment after garment journeyed from hanger to pile, it wasn't even decimation, it was far worse- my wardrobe has been cut in two. I feel so abused.

How low can an Owner stoop? What sadistic drivers exist that fuel such dark and twisted minds? There was humiliation as well, comments questioning my taste (or lack of it), comments deriding colour, cut, style and fit, it was all just too distressing. There are piles of sacred garments in the bedroom that I can not bring myself to gaze upon, it is too tragic a sight.

There has been an announcement that the 'evidence' will be photographed and placed here for all to see. I ask you all to boycott such vile displays in the name of decency, solidarity, slavery and property.

Could this be the start of the apocalypse? Famine, pestilence, fire, floods I can understand......but throwing out my clothes, it really is just too much.There is also to be a review in the near future, yet more victims may fall to the fate of MT's cull. I doubt I shall be able to ever open my wardrobe doors and drawers and ever feel the same again. It is too much...... I need to lie down in a darkened room.

-------

MT here. Please find a sample of some of the interesting exhibits;

Item the first, less than half of the items discarded



Item the second, Don't be afraid, I am reliably informed this is in fact a shirt;


Item the third, a jaunty t-shirt with stripes;



Item the fourth, this jumper apparently cost a fortune. That money could have fed orphans;




Item the fifth, Waistcoat, leather, with edgy sexy chainage. A tiny corner of my psyche sort of fancied him in this, in an old school butch lesbian way.....

Item the sixth, lace up leather trousers. Ra! Ok, I quite like these. if they'd fitted I'd probably have got him dance around to Need You Tonight in them like Michael Hutchence and relived my adolescent fantasies. (I might need a little lie down now too)





Ordinary stuff.

Friday 12 August 2011

My buns

The gym is hard work these days, but there does seem to be progress. I have also been allowed to purchase a Gymball for home use. I quite like gymballs, they allow me to tone my stomack without the usual associated back pains I often get by other exercises. MT seems pleased with my progress, so that is good.

Dieting is so bloody boring, yes I love the meat I am allowed to eat but the lack of potatoes, pasta, rice, bread, milk, chocolate and cake in my diet is driving me nuts. I would love a big bar of chocolate, I am craving for chocolate so much atm it is getting unbearable. Maybe I shall have to do some grovelling to MT and ask for a chocolate bar in the next few days.

I had a belgian bun with fresh cream on Monday, it was such a treat, but it did not last long enough, I wish I had one now. Having just completed seven hours gardening I must have used up enough calories to allow the scoffing of half a dozen buns....OK, perhaps not, but one would not hurt, would it ?

By the way, MT re-carved my right cheek last night. For some unexplainable reason it hurt much more than usual, I really struggled with it.....and yes ....I howled.

Thursday 11 August 2011

I wonder...

I like to think I have a fairly good imagination and throughout life have fantasised about a wide range of things. In relation to slavery, I have fantasised on both sides of the slash.

Since being owned, surprise surprise, my fantasies are predominantly about me being a slave in some scenario or other. My passion most strongly lies in Egyptian, Greek and Roman history, there is just something about these eras that appeals to me, I expect I am not alone in this.

Fantasies have ranged from being a gladiator (obviously), sex slave (of course) or personal slave to a beautiful female (at least I get the latter in real life). When I am sexually aroused these fantasies can become more than a little hardcore, sometimes with severe damage and humiliation being inflicted upon me. The greater the act the more aroused I become. This is pretty much reflected in my life with MT :) lucky me....fortunately I do not get the type of severe use and damage I sometimes fantasise about.No darling that is not a request.

But, when I am not aroused and in my serious mode (I try to avoid this most of the time) I wonder how I would have fared as an enforced slave. I can not really imagine how horrible this must have been for those people. It must have been a living hell for many slaves.

Not having a submissive personality, I think I would have particularly had great hardship as an enforced slave. Throughout my life (pre MT) I have got myself into all sorts of scrapes by non compliance with many things. I have seldom followed rules and instructions, nor cared about it. Even when there have been consequences I have rebelled against those as well. In a warm and cosy safe house, like I am now, it is easy to think that I would have resisted at all cost and not yielded to enforced slavery. The reality I expect might be the reverse, it is one of those things that one can not perhaps accurately predict.

At the very least, I would like to think that i would have resisted, at least have escaped, maybe even died resisting and/or taken revenge on my captors.

So isn't it ironic, that given such a strongly held stance that I actually gave myself to MT as her slave? FFS

Wednesday 10 August 2011

Slapped

I tried to escape by running into the bathroom but unfortunately I was not quick enough. I tried to shut the door but it was forced open and I just stood there. I was told what a stupid little cunt I was and that I was going to be taught a lesson. I was told to stand perfectly still with my hands at my sides and not to move at all. If I moved, I would regret it. I had no doubt that was true.

Suddenly I the left side of my face was rocked by a sharp and powerful hand impacting upon it, I felt my head spin and I could not think, everything was a blur. I then felt this massive stinging to my cheek and I felt the rush of tears cascading down my face. I also felt my legs turn to jelly and I felt like they were going to give way. 'You fucking moved , I told you to stay still, now you will get an extra one'. 

The next blow caught me across the ear as well as the side of my face and there was this rush of pain in my ear and a massive ringing. This combined with the sharp recoil of my face and the stinging and the wobbly legs made me feel as though I was going to throw up. Another cascade of tears flowed just as the third blow erupted on the same side. I cried out for the first time and just lost control and collapsed in tears. 'Go to your room and stay there' was heard like some distant sound in a dream, I could only hear with one ear. Of course I had to obey and ran into my room and lay face down on the bed and cried until I fell asleep.

I remember this event so well, it has been re-enacted in my head many times and has been a constant feature in my dreams. I was six years old at the time, my father was a very vicious cunt.

Strange really that shortly after this event I had a dream in which my Father was laid out dead in the bath with his arms crossed neatly across his chest. In my dream I smiled and for the first time felt safe.
 

Tuesday 9 August 2011

Choked

After five years in an O/p relationship there are few times when something new happens in regards to what your Owner does to you. Last night was one of those nights. MT woke me up about midnight, I can't remember how she woke me but she woke me. It was obvious I was going to get some use and it did not take long for MT to turn words into action.

The conversation mainstay was basically relating to MT's desire to choke me and fuck me at the same time ....and hit my balls hard . Thus I ended up with a heavy duty choke chain (the type used on large dogs) around my neck and a lighter weight choke chain around my cock and balls. I was ordered to get the strap-on out and before I really had chance to get my head around it (ha ha) MT had me on my side with the choke chains firmly in her hands and her cock stuffed very firmly and deeply in my ass.

I have rarely seen MT enjoy herself more than I did last night. She was tense and once again I was used as a vessel for her to relieve her tension in. The feeling of the choke chain tight around my neck restricting my breathing and the pain of the other chain around my cock and balls combined with being anally stretched and raped was unbelievable. I did not think a physical act has ever made me feel so owned and so used.

As is often the case the physical use is accompanied by verbal assaults. I could not possibly remember all the things she said to me last night. But they included references to how I was lucky she loved me otherwise she would choke the life out of me. The ball hitting was more than painful and she humiliated me about how stiff I was while all of this was happening to me. I was repeatedly made to thank her for not killing me with the choke chain. I do not know how many times she orgasmed, there were so many and they were so intense. MT told me she would let go of the choke chain around my neck when she came else she may snap my neck with the force and her desires.

Even though the chain was very tight I never had the slightest concern for my safety....see I really am fucking stupid. Joking aside, I trust MT with my life......literally

Monday 8 August 2011

Kinky?

There is a good thread on FL at the moment asking people how much kink is in their relationship. A lot of course would depend on what a person defines as kink. What seem may see as kink others may see as being normal. In some ways I see most things as normal, no matter how extreme they might actually be.

If a person has lived a life of debauchery then 'kink' might be having straight forward heterosexual sex. From an early age my sex drive was high, probably like most young lads, but I think mine was slightly different. I actively tried to quell my frustration with girls rather than spend most of my time wanking. I embarked on fornication at the age of 13 and was very active with multiple partners.

It did not take long for normal sex to become boring. I saw this drive to do other things as being normal, a natural progression. Of course I had nothing else to measure it against, all I knew was my own drivers and desires. I never gave it a thought that it could be abnormal or kinky.

So using a girl anally, spanking, bondage, domination etc were my natural progressions, I never really thought of them as being kinky. As time passed, I later found out what others perceived as being 'normal' and realised I most definitely did not have 'normal' sex, well not very often anyway..

Unlike a lot of other O/p couples we know, we are fairly active in BDSM terms, we go regularly to events and are active at home, or wherever else we happen to be. But, I do not consider it as us being kinky, it is us being us.

Of course there are times when there is not much happening physically due to a variety of reasons, but to be honest, in real terms it often doesn't last for long. When I think about what others would consider kinky then I guess we are regularly kinky, perhaps more accurately we could be described as being quite decadent.

Our O/p dynamic is ever present and I am always aware of my status, that is pretty kinky really. Having to ask for a treat like TV, cake, spending money, a bike ride etc keeps me actively feeling as property. I never know when I am to be used sexually or provide sexual services, including people other than MT, that is all kind of kinky I suppose. Maybe my life would be better expressed as being 'different' rather than kinky. It just incorporates a multiplicity of facets and a wide range of usage.



Sunday 7 August 2011

Spoilt slave

It has been a fairly quiet weekend. The dreaded strap on did not make an appearance so that was good news. I was allowed to pleasure MT which was most enjoyable.

I was permitted a ride out on Cati which was good, allowed to watch motorbike racing and football on TV, such a spoilt slave. No doubt there will be some cost.

Tomorrow MT and I are off to Peterborough,for  a day out together, I shall take her out for lunch and on the way back pick up some of Cati's old parts from the servicing garage.

It was a much needed rest today. My body is still aching from the gym and work, the knee is still playing up but it is improving.

We have a busy time coming up, but it should prove to be a very enjoyable time. Someone special is coming to stay with us next weekend. Then the following Saturday we are off to an event and the Sunday after that another afternoon and evening event. So all in all I shall end up being a very used slave, also probably a very sore slave.

I am being sent to the gym twice a week from now on. So tomorrow before our trip I will be getting up early and going for my workout. MT wants me in good shape, so the muscles are going to have to do some serious work.

Friday 5 August 2011

Desperate man

Work was hard today, very hot and masses of physical work to do. I started out aching from yesterdays gym, OK , perhaps that doesn't give an accurate account, I fucking ached like hell this morning from the gym, that's better. So more or less every movement today was painful, including of course the freshly carved right buttock, which I understand needs to be over written again, WTF. Apparently the right side is not as marked as the left side, looked fine to me, but then of course my opinion means nowt.

MT is feeling a bit better and this of course has given rise to a steady increase in her sadistic behaviour. At lunch time today she informed me that my rear end was to be put to use tonight. I never imagined that my life would turn out like this. Nor did I ever imagine that such a statement would seem so normal to me. I have transitioned so far that being told my arse is to be used has not much more impact than being told to make a cup of tea.

Making a cup of tea, however, is far less painful and nowhere near as humiliating. Perhaps I could distract her with a cup of tea ? unlikely to work, but might be worth a try, the acts of a desperate man have few limits.

Thursday 4 August 2011

It's not a wonky donkey it's a wonky ass.

Yesterdays title fits today very well. I hurt today, the anticipated carving of the right buttock took place this afternoon, just prior to the time I had to take MT out in the car and sit on said buttock. She really is a twoo sadist.

The carving really hurt today and I squealed, whimpered, shouted and sort of sobbed, it was bloody painful. At least I have matching cheeks now. According to MT, my bottom is non geometrically even , in other words it is ' wonky' . The two cheeks are not identical, is this something I should have checked on myself ? For five years I have presented a ' wonky' bottom to MT.....has she only noticed it now ? or is at as the result of my dieting. I hope I have not been a bad slave and not lost weight evenly on my cheeks, that MUST be punishable.

MT has decided it is time for me to re-build my muscles, so she packed me off to the gym today as she wants my muscles to be more defined. So the training has resumed, it was hard work but obviously I had to take it easy as it has been four months since I last worked out. I was quite shocked at how much strength I have lost. I struggled a bit bench pressing reps with 50 kg, it was embarrassing. But, at the end of the session my muscles were quite well pumped and at least showed some signs of resemblance to their previous state.

So low carbing is to continue and the gym is to be regular, hopefully I will get to where MT wants me sooner rather than later.

Wednesday 3 August 2011

I hurt, therefore I am.

My bruises are really starting to show now, especially my buttocks and the right thigh.The carved cheek is very tender and sitting is still quite painful. There are a couple of small marks on my biceps from the sjambok, but they don't hurt. I know this is probably going to sound a bit strange to some but I really like my marks and bruises.

After I have been used hard I like the fact the pain is still there and every time I sit it reminds me of my submission and my service. MT s decided the carved patterns on my cheeks are to be permanent. She overwrote the left buttock on Sunday, I am painfully aware the right buttock requires overwriting still. I will be glad when it is done and out of the way as it hurts like hell when it is being done and the pain lasts for days, sometimes a week.

On Sunday the carving was particularly painful because MT had beaten and bruised my cheeks beforehand. Being carved on swollen cheeks adds to the pain by a huge amount. The flesh is so sensitive that even the lighter cuts feel really deep.

After being beaten hard I usually feel very relaxed and at peace with the world, I suppose it de-stresses me. It also reinforces/reminds me of my place. It is I suppose to me, the harsh reality of being property, there is nothing I can do to avoid a beating, when it is happening I have to take it, no matter how much it hurts, no matter how much I want it to stop. It stops when my Owner decides. Not having the choice makes it so very real, having to suffer the consequences of being property makes it real, not being able to stop it makes it real.

The 'reality' of the psychological feeling of being owned combined with the reinforcement of physical use creates an unbreakable bond for me to MT.

Tuesday 2 August 2011

Gagging for it

When telling you about the event at the weekend I forgot to mention one of my pet hates...the ball gag. When MT had me attached to the frame (by the chains I broke..Oooops) she fitted the ball gag on me. It is one of those plastic ones with the little holes in. I hate the bloody thing with a passion. It takes about 30 seconds before I start to salivate and then comes the dreaded drooling.

Sure enough, I salivated and drooled much to my discomfort, disgust and embarrassment. It was pouring from my mouth as she rained down blows om me with the sjambok  and the tyburn. People could see my drooling and I felt disgusted for them as well as sorry for myself. I tried to 'catch/hide' the drool by cranking my mouth over towards my shoulder but only succeeded in soaking my shoulder and then having it run down towards my chest. YUK it is so fucking disgusting.

Of course, MT found this fucking hilarious and it seemed to spur on her blow rate. After what seemed like an eternity and lots of muffled pleading I was released from said gag, mainly because my jaw was in agony... see? She is caring.

It was such a relief to get the bloody thing out it made the beating seem almost secondary. It was a harsh beating, I usually get two or three a year and I have had two so far. I just mentioned this to MT and she said she does not count this weekends one as a 'harsh beating'.  WTF? It seems the bar is being raised. Again.

Surely there must be an International Standard as to what constitutes a beating? You know, stating how many blows, the force of said blows, the speed of delivery , method of delivery, location of target area etc etc.

Also, perhaps this should incorporate the resultant marks from said beating eg size and hue of bruises, length and depth of cuts etc. There should be a 'sytstem ' with clearly defined standards, I must start a campaign.... but only if MT gives approval. Damn, I'm spotting a flaw.....

Monday 1 August 2011

Happy Anniversary

The last 48 hours have been frantic to say the least but we have done so much, now I feel totally knackered.
Sunday we went to the BDSM event, it was a hot sunny day so we were able to enjoy the outside play areas as well as the inside ones. MT looked awesome as usual and I wore my favourite outfit ie the gladiator one. I spent a lot of the time with it off though as MT does not like it getting in the way of her hurty things.

My first 'little' beating was over a kneeling bench, strapped around the chest and arms to avoid movement of course. I requested a warm up but was denied...the first sign it was going to be a hard day. The sjambok is not a nice weapon, especially when hit with it cold and relentlessly. It was very hard to take it and MT welted my buttocks and thighs with it so I was covered in harsh stripes and bruises.. I was relieved when it was over, but then of course other MT 'toys' were used.

After a long break and some lunch MT shackled my wrists with leather cuffs and then chained my hands high up on a large metal frame in the outside area. The dreaded sjambok was then used again, this time with more force and fuck did it hurt. Most of the blows were to my buttocks and thighs, but she also delivered them to my upper arms and calves. At one point MT had to stop hitting the right thigh as it had a nasty looking swelling on it. The sjambok marks instantly and I could see the thigh marks literally on impact.

During a very fast sjambok 'attack' I pulled and twisted so much I broke the chains that had been securing me to the frame...of course I got a bollocking for that as well. MT pointed out that the chians had been doubled through, but I didn't mean to break them.  Then there was the tyburn, my back, chest, thighs, and sides were so sore and of course I begged for mercy on numerous occasions and made all sorts of squealy type noises and grunts. Yes there were lots of grunts. Every now and then MT would put down the sjambok or tyburn and start hitting me with her hands, mostly on my face or hips. That hurt too. MT was in one of her more brutal sadistic moods, and obviously enjoying herself intensely.

After coffee and cake (MT 'needed' cake as apparently beating me senseless is tiring) off we went to the medical play area with MT's sharp things. I am not sure if it was my cries or the sight of my blood from the six or so cut marks MT was carving into my flesh that scared off the people eating chips in the area. Or perhaps it was the sight of MT feasting and orgasming as she drank lots of my blood? Hard to tell really.

A very nice cross dresser who we had met a couple of years ago witnessed our little escapade however and found it very erotic. It came as not too much of a surprise when MT informed me that I would be sucking his cock in a short while. So after a relax and a drink we went off to the jacuzzi area and on some adjacent beds and I performed as required by MT, with MT pushing my head down. MT made her usual delicate commentary during this, just pointing out to me that other people were watching me suck cock and what a disgrace I looked etc. Groan.


We decided to leave a little earlier so we could enjoy today better ie our five year anniversary. It was a painful drive home my thighs and buttocks were so sore. After a quick snack it was off to bed. Although both tired we had especially erotic sex incorporating some little rituals of MT's, and I was allowed to orgasm. In the morning, MT looked at my body which is covered in welts and cuts and bruises, growled, and ordered me to get the strap on out. My very painful cheeks were parted and she gave me a thorough shafting..... then I gave her an anniversary card, and she gave one to me, and we spent a lovely day in Norwich to celebrate. We had numerous coffees, lunch, milk shakes and cake and I bought MT a fabulous dress which she looks stunning in.


It has been great having two fantastic days and nights together, love, sex, bdsm, food, more sex etc. What more could a person want?