'Getting my gay on'.

One of the things I find quite fascinating on social network sites is people's profiles. A particular aspect is what people identify themselves as and their sexual orientation. Being a bit of an oldie I often have to ask MT about the more obscure modern ones. When I was young the main identifiers were male or female, heterosexual or gay. Now there appears to be a myriad of descriptors.

In terms of gender. it is easy for me, I am male - well I was the last time I looked.

Sexual orientation, now this one used to be simple as well, as I was, pre MT, most definitely straight. I have heterosexual on my FL profile, but in terms of activity it could be argued this is not exactly accurate. As MT has forced me into gay acts, a case could be made that I am bisexual.

In a vanilla context most people do not have this quandary. I personally identify as being straight, I do not find men attractive and have no desire to either have sex with a man or have any type of relationship with one, other than as a friend (and I have very few of these). But, the reality is that I have been forced to give oral sex to numerous men, and have been fucked by one man at MT's behest. So, technically speaking I suppose most people would identify this as being bisexual.

So I wonder to some extent what it is that should identify me, my own sexual orientation (totally straight) or what I have to do as owned property which is behaving as bisexual. MT does occasionally allow me some heterosexual acts under her direction aside from our sex life together. Thus bisexual does probably describe me more accurately in terms of activity, yet I feel personally it is not really 'me'. It may be what I do as part of my slavery, but I have no draw to it in terms of my orientation.

An interesting thing did happen to me in Cardiff, however, which took me totally by surprise. MT took me to a gay club and downstairs there was a dance area. To say I had a few drinks would be an understatement, but I am not going to use the ' I was drunk' excuse.

For the first time in my life, I actually saw a guy who I was sort of attracted to. In my opinion, he was exceptionally good looking and I felt sort of drawn to him. He was with his boyfriend, but we engaged a few smiles and just before he left he came over for a chat. I had of course confessed this to MT who was almost besides herself with glee. It was very very strange for me, a totally new experience that I had never imagined being possible for me to have.

I did not feel any sexual arousal towards him at all, I just felt attracted to him in a more vague way, it was really fucking weird. 

MT has spent a lot of time and effort on reprogramming me in numerous ways. I do sort of wonder if the gay activities have sort of conditioned me to be able to find a man attractive to some degree. It has so far been a 'one off' but then not much time has passed since then, nor have I been in that type of environment since.

MT forces me to have sex with guys for two main reasons, she finds gay live porn (as she refers to it) as fucking hot and also knows I am straight and loves to humiliate me by making me have sex with men which she knows I really dislike. She also likes to spend weeks afterwards referring to such events and keeping the humiliation going. Photographic mementos etc are also sometimes delivered.

I have no desire to ever find a man attractive again, let alone ever desire one sexually, but I cant help thinking that if I did, then it would be the removal of a very powerful weapon in MT's armament. But I guess I would end up being the biggest loser as I would miss out on so much humiliation - but MT would find some way to use it as a weapon. She's really good at that.

MT has just read this and is very amused as she says she knows exactly why "I was getting my gay on". She is however refusing to tell me.

Heinous Crimes

Today has been a 'difficult' day. For a start. it was a busy work day and I got wet so many times I lost count. I would just about dry out and then another downpour would soak me again. So six hours of gardening in the wet was not good.

But this was to pale into insignificance on the 'bad day front' as I committed a heinous crime. A crime against my Owner.......there can be no worse an act.

Now I must confess here on the internet for all to see, the shame of it all, I can hardly lift my eyes from the floor. I scattered yellow poppy seeds in our rear garden....yes I know it is hard to believe, but I did it. I feel so ashamed, please do not judge me too harshly.

I committed this heinous crime at lunch time. Newly acquired seeds from a customer, gathered from a garden, were wilfully scattered by me into two flower beds in the rear garden. What is more they are close to red roses. I realise it was a foolish and horrifying thing to do. In my defence I can only plead mitigation, that A) I thought it would brighten a dull area of the garden, B) I think they are pretty, C) I forgot just how much MT HATES  YELLOW IN HER GARDEN.


A and B might be forgivable, but not C, well there is apparently no excuse for C.

Whilst having a mid day lunch break snuggle in bed with MT I chirpily told her I had a confession to make. I made my confession. MT made various comments, basically expressing displeasure (I am a master of understatement) and slapped my face vigorously. I decided to attempt to explain why this was really not such a bad thing and received more slaps. When I confessed the offending seeds were by the red roses she punched my face, slapped my face some more and generally made negative remarks. Oh...and she nearly twisted my left nipple from my chest while helpfully reminding me that the colour scheme of her garden has no room for yellow, and the red is only tolerated.

I was given a lengthy lecture (some may say diatribe), regarding 'how could I do such a thing to her garden knowing her colour scheme there is purple, blue, white & pink in an effort to neutralize the yellowish brickwork, and that yellow flowers have no place in her garden. Especially ones that spread like poppies' etc etc.

In a state of panic I had the 'brilliant' idea of suggesting I go swiftly outside and vacuum them up. I also pleaded that they are just seeds, they may not even germinate and if they even do then they might die, especially in cold weather....I am pleased to say this brilliant pitch did not kill me as at one point I feared it may..

When none of this worked, I panicked and tried over the top exclamations of undying love and commitment etc etc....that did not work either....and as she looked like she was about to bite me until I screamed, I hurried off to the afternoon work session, slightly earlier than I needed to.

As soon as I got in from work it was 'mentioned' again. I am contrite of course and have apologised till my throat is sore. Yellow flower seeds, how could I do such a thing? Have I learned nothing in my five years of being owned?

It gets worse, I had a look around our rear garden and the dahlias (which MT didn't really want but generously went along with) I thought were white actually look like they are possibly yellow. The buds are definitely looking yellow....would this be a good time to mention it to her? I fear crucifixion may be imminent.....


Now to my final 'sin' of the day. In between afternoon jobs I needed to use the public toilets. At the urinals a well built 30 year old ish black guy said ' Hi'. I smiled back and said hi. He said ' God you're fucking hot'. I stood amazed, probably with mouth open, speechless for a change. I managed a nervous, 'Oh er thanks'.

I pissed quicker than I have ever pissed before, as I walked out he said 'I would love to fuck you like my bitch '. I was totally gobsmacked and left...quickly. Very quickly.

I recounted this to a highly entertained MT - "it's because you give off a bitch vibe now sweetie" - and she then asked me for the guys telephone number. I of course replied I did not have a clue....and then I got another diatribe regarding how I have previously been ordered to get a contact number if any such advances are made by 'hot sane seeming males' who might be suitable for her to utilise in her live gay porn fetish. Oh God help me.

Sleep tonight may evade me as I keep both eyes wide open and get ready to attempt to escape retribution.

Should this fail, I would politely suggest that any flowers sent to my funeral are any colour other than yellow.