"Slight" trepidation

Every year I receive at least two or three severe beatings from MT. These are a routine thing 'just because' and not anything to do with punishment or due to some specific misdemeanour. These truly are occasions that I find so difficult it is hard to put them into words. Suffice to say, by the end I am bruised, broken, bleeding and crying.

MT just happened to mention in bed that it has been a long time since I had been given a "proper" beating. Her rather 'matter of fact, it's nothing' tone sounding almost insignificant to an untrained ear. The words, however, had a huge impact on me and I could almost feel my heart sink as it beat that nervous beat it always does when impending doom is going to descend.

I realised of course that she was right, I could almost say it is overdue by normal standards. So far five whole months have passed of this year without one. I could look on the positive side of that, but reality tells me there is nothing positive about the situation. I must now sit back and wait for the inevitable torment.

As we are going out to a new venue soon, it is occurring to me that could be the location. When she is really brutal with me it is usually always in private, so a public beating of this nature would be especially bad. I always beg and plead (pathetically in the end) for mercy and for it to stop, but of course it only stops when MT has decided it will stop and she is relentless and fierce. I cry and scream and lose the plot so it would be really humiliating to have this witnessed by strangers. I would much rather this be in private and hold on to at least a scrap of dignity. My main hope is that MT wouldn't be that sadistic in public for her own self preservation.

These beatings (etc, there is often much more than just that) are a necessary thing, it reminds me of my place, keeps me in line and afterwards I feel sort of tranquil and settled and somehow safe. It also makes me feel loved. Most importantly though MT needs to really vent her sadism sometimes

Reading this back, makes me realise just how much I have changed.

She went shopping

Last night was relatively quiet. We watched a pay per view movie (Machete which MT delighted in due to the hot Latino chicks and lots of violent gore), and then we went to bed. When MT places my hand in a certain place there are no need for words. I love pleasuring her like this, it is something I have grown to love so much that it feels wrong if I am not doing it. Making her orgasm is hot, very hot and if I am lucky I get to orgasm as well. Unfortunately, last night was not one of those times and after MT fell asleep, I was left stiff but it did not matter, MT was satisfied and that makes me smile.

Today we went shopping in Bury St Edmunds and I took MT to lunch. Prior to this we had been to a DIY store as I needed to get some stuff for us and my customers. I was quite concerned when I saw what MT had in her hand. It was a set of craft knives, MT made no comments about them at all. I felt that certain feeling I guess most slaves feel when they see their owners with things in their hands that they may or may not use to inflict pain on their slaves. Of course, it may be innocent, but MT does love to cut me and drink my blood. At the moment I will just put it to the back of my mind.

To be honest, there is nothing I can do about it anyway, if she decides to use them on me that is what will happen. Being a slave is so hard in so many ways, but conversely a slave does not have to worry about many decision making matters, the decisions are made for us... for better or worse.

I left MT alone for a short while to go to the toilet, when we met up (it had only been 5 minutes) she had a little bag in her hand. 'I have a present for you' she said 'and something for myself as well' She opened the bag to reveal three pairs of  panties. A turquoise pair, cream lace ones and a peach lace pair, 'the peach ones are yours' she said with a beaming smile. I really just do not want to talk about them or think about them now. Groan.