Focusing.

The weather today has been really nice, so it has been an extra pain that I was feeling ill again. I went to work this morning but had to throw a sickie this afternoon. So MT kindly phoned my customers for me. It is a pity she can't say 'sorry but my slave is unwell today and won't be coming to work for you, what little use he can be today will be used by his owner'. Can you just imagine what nice old ladies in their eighties and nineties would make of that?

Moving on to more serious things, although I am feeling decidedly unwell/ stressed/ tired etc, I am making a conscious effort to focus more on my behaviour. Whenever my service/ attitude wane it is never a conscious thing, it just sort of creeps in and then won't creep out again. It is like a slow submersion into a dark place, before I know it I become totally engulfed. A fully fit MT usually drags me out of it pretty quickly, often painfully. Even though she is still unwell she has provided additional encouragement and this is ongoing.

I do not like it when I lose focus, it unsettles me and obviously it pisses MT off which I like even less. I never mean to be a bad slave or unworthy property. The emphasis should come from me all the time to maintain what MT requires, I just fall well short of this sometimes. Pressure/ stress of certain kinds really gets to me, I know I have mentioned this on numerous occasions but it really is what leads me into so much trouble.

Sometimes I lie in bed feeling so stressed it feels like nothing in my life is right, but when I try to think of exactly what I am stressed about I can not think of one single thing. Even when I try to think logically and go through things systematically eg relationship, money, work etc I still end up with no specific issue. I guess I must just be a stressy person.

Tongues are for talking FFS

Following on from the subject of a certain person not being very perfectly slavelike lately, MT has been providing the slave with some attention.Some people crave 'attention' but it does depend on the type of attention one likes, or perhaps more importantly the types one doesn't like.

Now I admit, the eyebrows were a little bushy. I will also admit, I had wrongly assumed I could just go ahead and have a cream bun. So I have acknowledged my heinous crimes, and of course I knew there would be some price to pay.

First a little bit of relevant history. A long time ago an owner decided her slave was a little too self opinionated had a high opinion of himself and needed some humility training. A large variety of initiatives were implemented and these were generally speaking, more than just a little disliked by the slave in question.

A particular humiliating act was introduced for a while. Even typing this is very difficult, but, in the interests of honesty and full disclosure... MT decided, it would be 'good for my humility' if I were to lick and tongue her arse regularly, knowing that I had never done this before. Therefore, this became a routine requirement and guess what? The slave did feel very humiliated and degraded at being used in this way. This act, was then relegated to whenever the mood took her, although there have been a couple of occasions where I had to do it to someone other than MT. The last time was to prepare a girls arse for MT's use.

This week, this act has been re-introduced as a routine occurrence, and I was instructed to offer this service daily. Having successfully completed my first day, I then failed to offer appropriately for two consecutive days..... this morning my lack of compliance was 'discussed'. Of course I instantly provided the required service, but the damage had been done. I have been advised that should it be deemed 'necessary' I may possibly be given the task of providing this service to a man of MT's choosing as a 'focusing aid' ... 'Yuk' seriously does not do the thought justice.

So, I had better get my slave head back on and focused pretty damn quick or life will become very tricky. MT's recovery phase could be said to be progressing quite well, from her point of view. The slave in question is suddenly being put back into his place and needs to get there very speedily. I'm focusing....