The weather today has been really nice, so it has been an extra pain that I was feeling ill again. I went to work this morning but had to throw a sickie this afternoon. So MT kindly phoned my customers for me. It is a pity she can't say 'sorry but my slave is unwell today and won't be coming to work for you, what little use he can be today will be used by his owner'. Can you just imagine what nice old ladies in their eighties and nineties would make of that?
Moving on to more serious things, although I am feeling decidedly unwell/ stressed/ tired etc, I am making a conscious effort to focus more on my behaviour. Whenever my service/ attitude wane it is never a conscious thing, it just sort of creeps in and then won't creep out again. It is like a slow submersion into a dark place, before I know it I become totally engulfed. A fully fit MT usually drags me out of it pretty quickly, often painfully. Even though she is still unwell she has provided additional encouragement and this is ongoing.
I do not like it when I lose focus, it unsettles me and obviously it pisses MT off which I like even less. I never mean to be a bad slave or unworthy property. The emphasis should come from me all the time to maintain what MT requires, I just fall well short of this sometimes. Pressure/ stress of certain kinds really gets to me, I know I have mentioned this on numerous occasions but it really is what leads me into so much trouble.
Sometimes I lie in bed feeling so stressed it feels like nothing in my life is right, but when I try to think of exactly what I am stressed about I can not think of one single thing. Even when I try to think logically and go through things systematically eg relationship, money, work etc I still end up with no specific issue. I guess I must just be a stressy person.
OK some silly practical advice. If you do not already do so take some VitB. Preferably a good one that has as many of the VitB family possible. The reason being if you eat low amounts of red meat, stint on complex carbohydrates or choose to many refined ones, weight-lift and/ or are stressed, you can't get enough from your diet and go through it at a rate of knots. It makes you feel depressed, lethargic, grumpy, low energy and in the case of one small slave crave chocolate (a thing one is not very fond of normally). Normally you will feel better in a couple of days if that is the problem.
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