If....

Today was mega busy so I am glad it is over, too much work and not enough chilling time.

Sometimes I sort of forget that I am property, not in a way that means I think I am vanilla, just that it is so much of my everyday life that the tag just doesn't really register. Then suddenly I think about it and it makes me focus on it more. Today was one such day. Probably because MT has been unwell I have not given it a lot of thought lately. As there are signs of her appearing again, it seems to have re-sparked my awareness.

After work I looked in the mirror and realised I had not been keeping my body shaved as well as I normally do. In fact a couple of areas had remained unshaven for a while, areas which I am normally required to maintain. So obviously, being aware of my slippage, I started to put things back to how they should be. It is funny how a simple thing like this not only reminds me I am property but also gives me this deep sense of being owned. As I shaved, it even made me take a few deeper breaths, I take deeper breaths sometimes when MT is using me or humiliating me. It is as though I suddenly need more air, not in a bad way, just that I need to catch my breath.

In many ways I feel sort of resentful that my slavery can not be totally transparent. I feel I should be totally visible as MT's property at all times. I suppose I personally relate more to an ancient slave than any other type. I sometimes crave that MT could lead me around chained and naked whenever and wherever she wanted. I know I would be mortified by this, but somehow I feel that it is the way I should be. I love our life together, but can't help but feel we are living our lives in a way we were not meant to.

I expect, to many this may sound like so many fantasies that people have. But I do not feel it as a fantasy, it feels more like that I have been sort of cheated out of the life we could have had. I know a life like that would be harsh and perhaps it might have even broken me, probably would have, but it just feels like it is the way it should have been.

MT has said on several occasions she would love us to have a time together alone in a remote location where she could really treat me as she wants. To totally break me down. She has told me some of what she wants and even though I know her very well I was quite suprised at the depths she wants to take me. I actually felt a certain amount of fear yet I also felt a  certain degree of disappointment that we can not actually do it yet. I really have become a strange creature.

Bodies.

Today started way too early. I awoke to the sound of the telephone. At first I thought I was dreaming but unfortunately I wasn't. It was the emergency Care Company that one of the elderly ladies I work for subscribes to. Apparently, her emergency buzzer had been operated but they could get no response from her. She has a pacemaker, has had two serious strokes and has a history of falling over and breaking her limbs.

I was quite stressed, because we have a very close relationship, and I feared the worse. So i did not waste any time on the drive to her house. I let myself in with the emergency key and found her lying on the sitting room floor. Fortunately she was fine, just a bit shaken and unable to get up under her own steam. So it was just a case of checking her over before getting her into her chair and making her the compulsory cup of tea.

Today was MT's swimming day and my spell at the gym, I really needed far more sleep than I had got before that. The gym was hard work today, I felt far too tired, had missed the last two weeks and my knee was playing up. Apart from that it was fine.Then it was off to do the food shop and a quick look around the town and chasing down some hair stuff MT deemed essential to life.

Speaking of hair, last night MT gave me a slight admonishment. Sin of sins, I had not shaved my head properly, there were some tiny hairs unshaven in the crease at the back of my head. I was then given a quick lecture on the need to ensure my appearance was up to the required standards. Of course I apologised for my appalling lack of attention to detail. FFS.

The appearance thing is a bit of a pain in the arse sometimes. I hate shaving my face, (although I do not like more than three days stubble) and should shave every day. My head has to be kept shaved every day. There must be no nasal hair showing, no hair in ears or on ears. Eyebrows have to be plucked and trimmed - MT does the plucking and somehow manages to make it an exceptionally painful experience, what a surprise. Chest, cock, balls and butt cheeks have to be kept free of hair (except when she randomly decides otherwise), hair removal method optional. Ok, so you probably did not want to know about those bits but hey, why should I be the only one who suffers? Also after all the sub women posts about the trials and tribulations of maintaining their bikini lines, revenge is long overdue.

I have to work out and keep my weight in her decreed range, and she wants muscles for a few months then decrees she fancies more hipbones. I then have to start bulking again when she changes her mind again. All nails must be trimmed and cleaned, hands smooth with no hard skin .I have to wear clothes MT has selected/ approved and must never be in her presence with just my socks on. I'd be bloody well lucky to find any fucking socks in this house....

With the public announcement last night of one of MT's pet names for me being 'Pixie Cat' and the attendant feedback (thanks everyone) I have decided to give up any hope of masculine ego on this blog. But out in the big wide world I will continue to maintain my effective 'facade' of utter manliness.The next male to piss me off had better beware, there is a lot of  latent masculinity waiting to explode....

...Eyebrows not withstanding.

Postscript; Did I forget to mention I shagged MT senseless for several hours this afternoon? I can live with my lack of masculinity.