Perspective

I think one of the things that can happen in any type of relationship is a difference of perspective. There are times when I think and feel that I am being a good obedient piece of property only to find out that MT is holding the opposite view. The same can happen in reverse, ie I think I am not being particulary good but MT thinks I have been (it seldom happens this way round, not sure if I could actually find an example).

Perhaps some of this comes down to perspective. Of course communication as always is a key, but sometimes I think I either do not hear what is required or perhaps misinterpret it or perhaps, subconsciously I turn a deaf ear to it.

It may be that sometimes I think 'Oh well that does not seem important I can do this instead'. Only to find out I am in deep trouble yet again. Many reading this will think the answer is simple (in theory it is...unless of course you are me). Listen to what you are told, seek clarification if unsure and then carry out said instruction .....simple. Well it would be , but somehow I either get distracted or stressed, or over enthusiastic or sidetracked or give something else instead because I think it is better or perhaps even easier or a combination of any of them.

I have never been a person to await instruction or direction, my life involved me directing, orchestrating and determining just about everything around me.In fairness, it also involved me usually not doing what other people wanted me to do.

Is it any wonder I find being property so difficult. Guess I shall jut have to keep trying harder, it's a tough world :)

Today's stuff

Noteworthy events of the day.

Went to work, came home on a break and was ordered to shag MT again ! and I was allowed another orgasm.

Went back to work, came home and hardly recognised MT as her hair had massively changed colour , I am told it is dark transluscent violety pink.

Had to give MT lots of hugs and cuddles as she was upset about something (not me for a change).

Shagging

At lunch time I had a small gap in between jobs. So after a spot of lunch MT and I went for a relaxing lay down before I had to go back to work.

At first I was ordered to pleasure MT using my fingers and then she ordered me to shag her. Of course being an obedient slave I obeyed :)

It was so good to be able to serve her again in this way, it has been a while and i had really missed the closeness of it and of course the fantastic feelings.AND I was allowed an orgasm and what an orgasm it was :)

Lesson learned

Having not been used by MT (apart from giving her pleasure) for about six weeks it came as a bit of a shock today when she used me.

I have not been a good slave recently, in my defence I would argue that I have been unwell, stressed and pretty much exhausted. That being said though, there was no excuse for some of my behaviour, there is a right way and a wrong way to deal with things and unfortunately I chose the wrong way. I let MT down and myself in the process and I am very sorry for that. In my doom and gloom I forgot who I was and what I am.

So following this, during the last few weeks MT has been giving me a very firm reminder about how much of a privilege it is to be her slave. This lesson has not taken the form of physical punishment, quite the contrary actually, I have been given no physical attention whatsoever. No pain, no humiliation, and even less direction than usual. She has also shown me less interest generally.

The choice of approach by MT was exceptionally successful, striking at the very core of our relationship. By not utilising me as she normally does, physically, in terms of service, or in other ways it left me feeling very empty and sort of lost. My whole sense of purpose seemed as though it had been removed and I hated it. I craved to be made to feel like her slave, to be utilised, used, or to be humiliated and forced to take whatever she wanted. Removal of these things left such a hole in me, I was very shocked that I missed it so much.

I could see she was obviously hurt and disappointed by my behaviour, more so than I had ever seen her before, and that hurt me much more than any beating she has ever given me. I deserved her lack of interest in me as her slave and I knew it, and that saddened me further.

I have been trying to show her that I am sorry and that I have learnt my lesson and that I am dedicated, and this morning she gave me a very firm physical reminder backed up with a verbal onslaught of what I must improve on and how she expects me to behave in the future, plus the warning of how further bad behaviour will be dealt with.

I was given a lot of leniency and was given a small quantity of lube before she gave me a very firm and lengthy arse fucking accompanied by much dialogue. I was of course very genuinely sorry and made numerous apologies and statement of intentions. Having not been fucked for weeks it was exceptionally painful, humiliating and I was left very very sore. The final humiliation was to have to perform my arse to mouth duties.

Notwithstanding the hard use, the pain and soreness I feel so happy to be back where I belong, back in my place and feeling complete again. The experience has been very traumatic, but has served as excellent incentive to endeavour to try harder and to not screw up again. The statement of intent I felt from MT today makes me feel like I've been allowed home.

MT mutters and I oblige.

Today was a day off, yippee.

I had been expecting to spend the day at home with MT, but it did not happen.

A very tired half awake, half asleep MT muttered that she would love to be laying on the sand on a beach today. So, being a good slave I offered to take her to the beach for the day. The suggestion was readily received and off we drove to the beach. The weather was really mixed, some cloud, some sun, a shower and then nice hot sun. It has been so hot here, the hottest October for over a 100 years I think.

We had a really nice day and we both feel quite tired.

MT is still not using me (apart from providing her with orgasms). It is starting to feel quite the 'norm' at the moment. If the pain stuff returns it will be hard to adjust to again, Oh well, not much I can do about it.

Foot service

Tonights duties were of the foot variety. Now feet are by far the least attractive part of the human anatomy in my humble opinion. I understand that for many it is a highly regarded area of the human body, but not for me.If people are into feet that is fine, it is just not my thing. But then of course, when you are property, 'everything' is your 'thing' if your Owner tells you it is.

So, proceedings commenced with nail varnish removal, pretty sparkly purple nail varnish in fact for those interested in the finer details. This was followed by exfoliation of MT's tender flesh while she laid on the bed. The final treatment was cleansing with wipes, job done. All that was left to do was make her a nice cup of tea, what a good slave I am.

MT was generous today, I was allowed a glass of wine with dinner (third day in a row), a long motorbike ride which was awesome and a roast beef dinner, so it was a good day.

Not logical

It has been a busy week for work and I am feeling extremely tired. MT has been taking it easy on me and I have only been used to give her pleasure, so none of that 'pain' stuff.

I used to find it quite difficult just giving MT sexual pleasure without any release for myself but over time I have not only become accustomed to it but actively enjoy it. Perhaps there is hope for me yet ! I enjoy making her orgasm, I find it very fulfilling and actually very hot.

I am still sort of missing the hard use but it is something I have to just accept, I don't like it when I get it but then yearn for it when I do not get it, kinda strange really.

I keep making the mistake of trying to apply 'logic' to my slavery. Logic has been a cornerstone of my life pre MT, since MT it has kind of gone out of the window.