Lesson learned

Having not been used by MT (apart from giving her pleasure) for about six weeks it came as a bit of a shock today when she used me.

I have not been a good slave recently, in my defence I would argue that I have been unwell, stressed and pretty much exhausted. That being said though, there was no excuse for some of my behaviour, there is a right way and a wrong way to deal with things and unfortunately I chose the wrong way. I let MT down and myself in the process and I am very sorry for that. In my doom and gloom I forgot who I was and what I am.

So following this, during the last few weeks MT has been giving me a very firm reminder about how much of a privilege it is to be her slave. This lesson has not taken the form of physical punishment, quite the contrary actually, I have been given no physical attention whatsoever. No pain, no humiliation, and even less direction than usual. She has also shown me less interest generally.

The choice of approach by MT was exceptionally successful, striking at the very core of our relationship. By not utilising me as she normally does, physically, in terms of service, or in other ways it left me feeling very empty and sort of lost. My whole sense of purpose seemed as though it had been removed and I hated it. I craved to be made to feel like her slave, to be utilised, used, or to be humiliated and forced to take whatever she wanted. Removal of these things left such a hole in me, I was very shocked that I missed it so much.

I could see she was obviously hurt and disappointed by my behaviour, more so than I had ever seen her before, and that hurt me much more than any beating she has ever given me. I deserved her lack of interest in me as her slave and I knew it, and that saddened me further.

I have been trying to show her that I am sorry and that I have learnt my lesson and that I am dedicated, and this morning she gave me a very firm physical reminder backed up with a verbal onslaught of what I must improve on and how she expects me to behave in the future, plus the warning of how further bad behaviour will be dealt with.

I was given a lot of leniency and was given a small quantity of lube before she gave me a very firm and lengthy arse fucking accompanied by much dialogue. I was of course very genuinely sorry and made numerous apologies and statement of intentions. Having not been fucked for weeks it was exceptionally painful, humiliating and I was left very very sore. The final humiliation was to have to perform my arse to mouth duties.

Notwithstanding the hard use, the pain and soreness I feel so happy to be back where I belong, back in my place and feeling complete again. The experience has been very traumatic, but has served as excellent incentive to endeavour to try harder and to not screw up again. The statement of intent I felt from MT today makes me feel like I've been allowed home.