The Bitch is (coming) back?

An O/p life is just like a normal life in many ways in regards to things coming along that interfere with it. The biggest imposition has been MT's health problems, and this is something that even owners can not control.

An MT unimpeded by bad health takes some living with. Uber dominant and sadistic with a voracious sexual appetite is enough to scare the most hardened of men or women. There is constant pressure and expectation and the word 'no' has no meaning, unless she utters it.

When it is like this we are very active. Active at in our life at home, going out, and doing normal things, as well as the nights out where, with MT anything can happen. It is fast paced, quite racy, decadent and it is fun, albeit that sometimes her sadism is hard to take.

When MT is unwell, there is a huge shift of emphasis. Virtually all kinky stuff obviously goes out of the window, and life is pretty much a battle to just get through all the things that need to be done to keep us afloat. 'Busy' becomes an unsuitable word to describe how it impacts on me. In addition to work, there is the looking after MT, doing all the shopping, washing, cleaning, cooking, looking after the little person, school runs, managing the finances, maintenance, repairs etc etc. I get exhausted.

MT does her best to make my workload easier but when she is very ill there is very little she can do. The O/p dynamic is always apparent and obvious, it just manifests itself in different ways. In simple terms it becomes virtually all about providing services, keeping everyone and everything going, including myself.

A few days of illness is miles different from weeks or months, then it becomes one of our most difficult things we have to deal with. In short spells, I do not miss the sex and direct active submission very much, usually I am too busy or too tired or both. But, when it becomes a longer period the desires do flare up, but there is no outlet for them. I start to miss sex/ orgasms, I miss providing MT with the sexual services, and I even miss the physical use I get even including the pain and humiliation.

But most of all, I miss her. When she is very ill she obviously does not always feel like communicating, she is often so ill all she wants to do is sleep or rest. I miss her conversation, her humour, and all the snuggly bits. The snuggly bits have to go sometimes because she is in so much pain she can not bear being touched at all. I think we both then start to feel lonely and we can easily become a bit detached. This is something we have recognised and are striving to overcome. We are trying to maintain our contact more and our attachment so we do not feel isolated. Isolation is an especially bad thing for MT as she is by nature very outgoing and sociable. She has significantly self isolated lately which is not a good sign.

In the last few days there has been a few glimmers of her normal self appearing though, and that is so heartwarming. I have started to see my owner re-emerging as she gains some strength and has a bit of respite from the intense pain.

Of course, while I am so very pleased and happy for this improvement it does also fill me with the dread of the inevitable return to hard use. After a prolonged absence, I find it hard to go back to that level of use. It has taken almost 5 years to get used to it all, after even relatively short breaks, getting back into it, or more correctly, being got back into is hard to take. It is also difficult because while MT is ill I revert to a more autocratic style, having to wind my neck in again and go back to my place can sometimes be tricky.

But even  that's worth it to have her back.

Damn Owners.

My transition from a free man to property is still ongoing. It started over 4 years ago, in some ways it seems like it has always been like this, in others, it feels like the past was someone else's life.

When I look back at the 'other' life I realise just how much everything has changed. Transition ? No, more like a war followed by rebirth. It has been anything but easy, I have struggled so much. Sometimes I wonder how MT has stayed in there as well as how I have remained her property. But we have, and that speaks volumes.

These are a list of some of the things I struggled with (some I still do)

1. Losing autonomy - I spent most of my life making my own decisions, creating my own destiny and in general, doing whatever I wanted. It would take a lifetime to record the chaos this caused, the world is safer now someone else is in control of me.

2. Promiscuity - Being limited to one woman. Most of my life was spent chasing around getting laid as many times as possible. It was possibly an addiction. Ok, I had a lot of fun and a lot of variety but it did not fulfil me. Now there is one woman and that one is more than enough for me. Hell, she'd be more than enough for the Red Army.

3. Spending Limitations - God I hated this one (I still dislike it) . I used to spend as and when I wanted, even when I did not actually have the money. On a whim I once brought a house without using a single penny of my own money. It cost £90,000 (which was a lot at the time especially as I had mortgages on two other properties as well).

4. Clothes - Not having the freedom to dress as I please or buy the clothes I want.Actually, this has transpired to be a good thing as MT makes me look much better than I would.Who knew money couldn't buy style?

5. Having to ask for things - Grrrrr  this is a big one. Things such as - orgasms, sweets, junk foods, chocolate, alcohol, motor bike rides, TV , permission to go out etc etc .

6. Dominance - another big one. I have always been the one in charge and exerting my dominance on others. In my career, at one stage I was responsible for 26 establishments with a staff of over 1200 people. Now I am not even allowed to be in charge of me. Where did I go wrong?

7. Having to be nicer to people - I have little/no tolerance of people who piss me off. Ok, I admit I am one of the most least tolerant of people. It does not take much for some people to hack me off, in fact all some have to do is continue breathing. Joking aside, if someone does something I do not like I will go out of my way to a) let them know it and b) try to get retribution. MT dislikes this (unless she thinks it is warranted but then it has to be a really big thing).As a consequence, I am banned from hitting anyone or being offensive to them, unless MT decides to loosen leash. 

8. Being used as a sex object - Due to items 2) and 6) above, this has been not only difficult but also bloody humiliating. Being used like this for me Owner has been bad enough but having to provide sexual services to men just for her entertainment, well that's just too much. I cannot tell you how much I hate this. 

9. The names - Oh there have been so many, here are a few ; boy, kitten, bitch, cunt, dildo, baby-cakes, slut, slag, cupcake, muffin (note the baked goods fetish) piggy, pixie, pixie cat ? (WTF is a 'pixie cat'??? And why am I one)?

10. Not being able to stop her from stealing and losing my bloody socks. People have been hanged for less.

Those are the main ones, there are hundreds of other things, over time I am sure these will become apparent in other posts.