The Bitch is (coming) back?

An O/p life is just like a normal life in many ways in regards to things coming along that interfere with it. The biggest imposition has been MT's health problems, and this is something that even owners can not control.

An MT unimpeded by bad health takes some living with. Uber dominant and sadistic with a voracious sexual appetite is enough to scare the most hardened of men or women. There is constant pressure and expectation and the word 'no' has no meaning, unless she utters it.

When it is like this we are very active. Active at in our life at home, going out, and doing normal things, as well as the nights out where, with MT anything can happen. It is fast paced, quite racy, decadent and it is fun, albeit that sometimes her sadism is hard to take.

When MT is unwell, there is a huge shift of emphasis. Virtually all kinky stuff obviously goes out of the window, and life is pretty much a battle to just get through all the things that need to be done to keep us afloat. 'Busy' becomes an unsuitable word to describe how it impacts on me. In addition to work, there is the looking after MT, doing all the shopping, washing, cleaning, cooking, looking after the little person, school runs, managing the finances, maintenance, repairs etc etc. I get exhausted.

MT does her best to make my workload easier but when she is very ill there is very little she can do. The O/p dynamic is always apparent and obvious, it just manifests itself in different ways. In simple terms it becomes virtually all about providing services, keeping everyone and everything going, including myself.

A few days of illness is miles different from weeks or months, then it becomes one of our most difficult things we have to deal with. In short spells, I do not miss the sex and direct active submission very much, usually I am too busy or too tired or both. But, when it becomes a longer period the desires do flare up, but there is no outlet for them. I start to miss sex/ orgasms, I miss providing MT with the sexual services, and I even miss the physical use I get even including the pain and humiliation.

But most of all, I miss her. When she is very ill she obviously does not always feel like communicating, she is often so ill all she wants to do is sleep or rest. I miss her conversation, her humour, and all the snuggly bits. The snuggly bits have to go sometimes because she is in so much pain she can not bear being touched at all. I think we both then start to feel lonely and we can easily become a bit detached. This is something we have recognised and are striving to overcome. We are trying to maintain our contact more and our attachment so we do not feel isolated. Isolation is an especially bad thing for MT as she is by nature very outgoing and sociable. She has significantly self isolated lately which is not a good sign.

In the last few days there has been a few glimmers of her normal self appearing though, and that is so heartwarming. I have started to see my owner re-emerging as she gains some strength and has a bit of respite from the intense pain.

Of course, while I am so very pleased and happy for this improvement it does also fill me with the dread of the inevitable return to hard use. After a prolonged absence, I find it hard to go back to that level of use. It has taken almost 5 years to get used to it all, after even relatively short breaks, getting back into it, or more correctly, being got back into is hard to take. It is also difficult because while MT is ill I revert to a more autocratic style, having to wind my neck in again and go back to my place can sometimes be tricky.

But even  that's worth it to have her back.

New Years Eve Degenerations

MT is shagging me to death. Sexual service last night was energetic, no that's a massive understatement, it was bloody exhausting. Nearly 1-00 am, yet again, before I was permitted to 'stand down', if you will excuse the pun.

Tonight, I have been informed is to be a night of  service to MT, dress code informal, collar and plug - how twee. Must remember to turn the heating up higher although it is to be expected the 'cheeks' may get warmed, God I hate the Tyburn, it's definitely the stupidest present I ever gave her.

We are however, going to commence the evening with a cosy meal, wine and candles. See slavery can be romantic as well. I do not expect I will be allowed much wine, as She does not like me to have any anaesthetic before or during physical use. Maybe I could sneak a couple of painkillers down just to take the edge off, OK I know that's cheating, the punishment would be very harsh so I guess that option's out damn it..

MT insists I to prepare myself for her. My head and face are freshly shaven, as are my chest, buttocks and 'boy bits', (I cant believe I just said that). Even though we have been together for over 4 years I still get nervous when we plan such time together. I can feel my heart beating a bit faster and my breath getting deeper. It always feels like this. I should be used to it,

I feel excited, yet scared, I always do. I spent 22 years of my life as a Fire Fighter/Senior Officer and came close to death on numerous occasions, but this is so much more intense. Perhaps the pre-meditation of it adds to the angst.

Time to go, oh dear.

Happy New Year