Getting Back

Due to having not been quite my usual self for a while, MT gave me a bit of a break, shall we say 'cut me some slack'. As previously mentioned in a previous post, we both decided that although it was perhaps necessary, it did have a downside. So, as also mentioned, some physical use has been happening again. This has helped me in quite a few ways.

It has given me something to focus on other than my own anxiety and depression. The pain, has helped as a relief valve for pent up tension (it always does, as does dishing it out, when I am allowed ). The physical re-focusing is working, medicine is often unpleasant ;).

I am now trying to start to focus more on the non-physical aspects and getting my head back into gear regarding trying to be a good piece of property and ensuring I try to be the slave MT wants me to be.

The physical stuff I find a little easier, it always seems as though there is no choice, of course there isn't.

But with the psychological stuff, it sometimes 'feels'less compulsory, although of course it is even more important than the physical stuff.

Many people opt for the occasional foray into bdsm, it is quite simple, quite easy really. A person goes to an event, if they mutually find someone to have some action with they do. There is the limit of time, of intensity, of boundaries and a host of other things. If they enjoyed it they can do it again, if not, they never have to. The choice is theirs, as and when, if and when they wish , with whoever they choose to do it with.

In O/p these choices do not exist. The BDSM element is a fraction of the big picture. I still find the hardest things being the requirement to ask for permission for things. The little simple things I have taken for granted as being a 'right'. Having to ask for alcohol, sweets, cake, to go on my bike etc etc, it would be quicker to list the things I can do without having to obtain permission.

Added to this is of course the need to respond to services, tasks for  your Owner whenever required to, day or night, 24/7, every week of every year.

It would no doubt sound like hell to many people outside of this type of dynamic. But I would feel lost without it and am so pleased i am getting closer to being back to where I was and just as importantly, to try and become an even better asset to MT.