Suspense

The cluster headaches have taken their toll these last few weeks, but last night I actually did not have an attack. To have a night where I  was not woken up by massive pain was pure bliss. It made today much more manageable, which was good as work was busy. Tomorrow is also mega busy, in fact the next few months will be a nightmare as it seems 'everyone' wants work doing. It is of course a good thing from a financial perspective, but I miss not having time with MT.

Having quality time together is important, especially some time where it is just the two of us and we are free to be ourselves. MT has said in the past that she would like us to go away together somewhere remote and spend some time treating me as she would really like to treat me. The response to my enquiries as to what this actually meant sent  shivers down my spine, well just about everywhere actually.

I found myself , as is often the case in a dichotomy over the revelations. On one hand, I felt the rush and surge of adrenalin fuelled euphoria of being treated in such ways. On the other hand, the harsh realities of what that might/would/could feel like brought about a deep sense of fear and trepidation.

One of the 'things' about MT is she knows exactly how to play me. Of course it could just be mind games, and even if it wasn't, the ability to realise it might not be possible, but then again of course, MT can pretty much arrange and do anything she wants/likes .

Being in this position, where I never know what will happen from one minute/hour/day/month to the next etc is both exhilarating and scary as fuck. It keeps me on my toes, keeps me on edge, when I get complacent I am at my most vulnerable. Often nothing unexpected does happen, but every now and then it does. There is always a bullet in the chamber I just never know where it is or when the trigger might be pulled.