Imperfect slave

A big thank you to everyone who made lovely comments about my blog, it really is appreciated.

I think many people would imagine that this lifestyle is very different to what it actually is. It is funny how it all seems to just 'be'. Of course each of our dynamics are unique.

The 'normal' things that happen in a person's life all continue to occur, bills, work, sickness, birthdays, deaths, stress, strain, accidents, too much to do and too little time to do it in etc etc.

Unfortunately, (in this house) there are other 'normal' things that happen just like in some other types of relationships. Things such as, getting miffed with the other person every now and again, disagreements on things, views of injustice, being hard done by, not being understood, not getting what you wanted, feeling overworked, undervalued etc.

The matters in the previous paragraph should not 'technically' occur in an O/p relationship, it could be argued that in an O/p relationship that such behaviour from the property is totally unacceptable. Some might say that such behaviour should lead to their demise as property and 'technically' one might agree.

Of course, everyone is entitled to their opinions on this aspect. My view is relatively simple, I am a human being, I have feelings, emotions and behavioral patterns. I have a core personality and I have a response mechanism triggered by many things, one of which is my reaction to events/circumstances. I am far from being a perfect human in so may ways.

Thus as a human, I will often fuck up, I will get moody, snarky and even hostile. I will sometimes act in virtually the opposite way as to how a property should act. In my opinion this does not exclude me from being property, it may mean I am a badly behaved piece of property but I am still property.

I have a vested interest in my opinion and I fully understand that most people, including MT sometimes would see this as being unacceptable and 'technically' I agree. But I have always been a person more interested in the practicality of situations rather than the theoretical standpoint.

Controversially, I also think that sometimes Owners do not make the best decisions and are sometimes prone to make mistakes and that is also fine, because, contrary to some people's views, they are also human and thus also prone to human frailty. This paragraph may cause Internet mayhem and calls of bad slave from across the globe, there may even be a contract put out :).

I am not making excuses for why sometimes I am not a good slave or sometimes why I act nothing like a slave should, I am just trying to explain why I am sometimes like I am. I know it is wrong to behave like that, I apologise for my behaviour afterwards and I am always very sorry for my actions (even when I have felt I have been in the right). But I do think it is 'normal' and though it is not technically acceptable behaviour I do think it is something that should be expected sometimes. Of course if it happens frequently enough then that is perhaps a different matter.

Even during the roughest times with MT, I still always feel like her property (I know MT will nearly choke on that) but it is how I feel. I can shout and holler and feel like everything is wrong, but it does not make me want to not be her property anymore, it just means I am pissed off at that moment and I am crap at holding it in.

It is something I would love to be able to change about me, especially as it really upsets and annoys her. It also upsets and annoys me, but somehow it just happens.

So I am genuinely sorry for the times I piss off and/or upset my Owner, but being sorry is not enough really, because you can only have so many sorries in any type of relationship. So I shall have to persevere and try to behave better, but it is so hard when I feel aggrieved by something.....cos I am always right ;)