My bruises are really starting to show now, especially my buttocks and the right thigh.The carved cheek is very tender and sitting is still quite painful. There are a couple of small marks on my biceps from the sjambok, but they don't hurt. I know this is probably going to sound a bit strange to some but I really like my marks and bruises.
After I have been used hard I like the fact the pain is still there and every time I sit it reminds me of my submission and my service. MT s decided the carved patterns on my cheeks are to be permanent. She overwrote the left buttock on Sunday, I am painfully aware the right buttock requires overwriting still. I will be glad when it is done and out of the way as it hurts like hell when it is being done and the pain lasts for days, sometimes a week.
On Sunday the carving was particularly painful because MT had beaten and bruised my cheeks beforehand. Being carved on swollen cheeks adds to the pain by a huge amount. The flesh is so sensitive that even the lighter cuts feel really deep.
After being beaten hard I usually feel very relaxed and at peace with the world, I suppose it de-stresses me. It also reinforces/reminds me of my place. It is I suppose to me, the harsh reality of being property, there is nothing I can do to avoid a beating, when it is happening I have to take it, no matter how much it hurts, no matter how much I want it to stop. It stops when my Owner decides. Not having the choice makes it so very real, having to suffer the consequences of being property makes it real, not being able to stop it makes it real.
The 'reality' of the psychological feeling of being owned combined with the reinforcement of physical use creates an unbreakable bond for me to MT.
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