Dilemmas

The 'facility' was used again last night, but before it was used it was asked if it was 'in a condition to be used'.

I find such questions very difficult to answer. When MT ask me things like this I often feel in a dilemma. The self preservation side of me wants to scream out ' of course I am not in a condition to be used again, I am fucking sore and bruised '. BUT.......the slavey part of me thinks ' Oh no, how can I possibly say I am not OK, she will be so disappointed she can't use me'. 

Thus, unless there is a major, major problem of a physical or psychological nature I answer 'yes I am well enough to be used' Then it is just a case of being a good slave and getting on with it. There are times when I feel I will not be able to cope, but I always do, MT is smart and knows when to push and how far to push me. After all, she does not want to permanently damage her property.... temporary damage is OK though.

Although I might complain about hard use, I would not want it any other way. Personally I would not feel like a slave if my Owner acceded to my protests about things. If I could mandate what I was or was not willing to do I would feel incomplete and would not feel like a slave.

Total power exchange is what I need, if not that, then I would not want any power exchange... well, unless I was the dominant one ;)

Being controlled 24/7 in every way your Owner wants to control you may be fucking hard but it is seldom boring. Being unable to control what I do or do not do is a huge thing to me. Of course there are things I dislike, some that I even detest, but it is all part of the dynamic. The things that make me get my rocks off are usually the pretty easy ones to deal with. The more mundane or most disliked are much more difficult, but my mindset is trying to focus on these things more....after all it is about what the Owner wants.