When slaves struggle

Whilst there are many obvious similarities between vanilla relationships and O/p relationships there are of course many differences. In some ways I find O/p easier but generally speaking I find O/p much more difficult. In a vanilla relationship, when there are problems it is often easier to distance yourself a little from your partner and give yourself some breathing space.In O/p, as a slave we are often still required to perform our duties, and this is an area where I definitely find it more difficult.

When I feel aggrieved about something the last thing I feel like doing is being bossed around or even when asked politely to do something I feel not inclined to obey, but usually do albeit with a bad attitude. We all react in different ways to such situations, I tend to withdraw and reduce or even cease communication. There are occasions where I do the opposite of course and have a good old rant and rave.

When things are not going right in vanilla land it is acceptable (sort of) to argue and get in a rage and in my case often leads me to hurling abuse of various types at the other party. But of course in an O/p relationship this is not acceptable. It is such a difficult aspect for me, all my instincts want to go one way and my slave head tries to stop me. As time passes, 'slave head' is winning a few more than it loses, but there is still room for improvement.

When everything is all rosy I am happy in my service and doing things for MT gives me great joy and a feeling of  fulfillment. But, when things are stressy I often start to feel used when told to do something. It can be a very minor trivial task but it can even feel almost like abuse at the time. I have to try exceptionally hard when this happens. The sensible me knows of course that I am not being used differently than normal, it is my emotional/psychological state that has altered and creates these negative responses.

I do not think I am alone feeling like this , I am sure many other slaves have similar experiences sometimes. The 'phase' always passes, sometimes quicker than other times, but it does pass. And when it does, I return to the peaceful, tranquil, fulfilling state of contentment of serving my Owner.

Tonight MT is feeling unwell and is considering seeing the GP to get steroids, so I am trying to be extra attentive. Shortly I will be giving her a full body massage to help ease her aches and to relax her and I am really looking forward to providing this for her.