Freedom

I love the freedom of being owned. Being in a position where I no longer make the big decisions of what I either will do or will not do. I still get to have an opinion and to voice a preference on some things, but that is as far as it goes.

Sometimes of course my reactions to what I must do or not do as the case may be, is on a scale from mild/slight disappointment through the range to me being totally pissed off. I would love to not have to admit to the being pissed off bit, but I have not yet conquered controlling my negatitivity when anger is involved.

I think I am improving but it is still a difficult area.The 'freedom' feeling must seem strange to a vanilla person. I suppose I feel released from responsibility for decisions. As an example, MT determined my hair style, ie no hair. My hair used to be a big issue for me. It has undergone a wide range of styles over the years and was part of my identity in many ways. So having to shave it off was a massive thing. But now it is my 'normal'. Now in some ways it has become part of my slavery to MT. When I shave my head, it is part of me being how she wants me....and I like that.

I have to get approval for what I am to wear and what clothes I may buy and when I can buy them, another previous huge thing in my life.It now seems normal to just say ' Oh what do you want me to wear ? '.

Humiliation, which is something I have previously never felt in my life has become an insatiable beast. When vain attempts were made in the past to embarrass/humiliate me I reacted with immediate ripostes that totally anhiliated the perpetrator. MT can humiliate me at will, and often does, I hate it yet yearn for it in equal measures.

Apart from my love for her and the fact I am her property it is probably my biggest trigger and her best weapon in her arsenal.