'If' again.

When I read Scott's comment on last nights blog I realised my blog might have sounded like I was not content with our O/p relationship, which is not the case. I suppose I am a person who is often looking at having the best I can have and in that context then I suppose I often sound discontented, (or indeed actually am discontented with some things in life). I would just would like some things to be different.

When I first entered our O/p, although we went out on the scene very openly I really had no desire to be 'visible' outside of that. As time has passed and I have become further immersed in being property and my thoughts have changed. I dislike having to live in a hidden way that sometimes feels unnatural.

I do not know when the transition occurred, the point where being owned became my 'natural' state. I sometimes feel I am acting out a role as a 'vanilla' person to the rest of the world. I understand I can't walk down the street on a leash with MT, with exposed whip marks or bleeding carvings showing for example, but it feels as though I should be able to.

In general terms, I suppose we are quite lucky that society tends to leave us pretty well alone, but I can't help but think that is not enough. I guess I never really understood before how people in minority groups have felt when society either passively or aggressively treats them negatively. I never realised how not being able to actually openly 'be' who and what you are felt like. Now I feel it, and sometimes I resent it.

Of course we could just be more open than we are, but it would not always be sensible. Living in a 'free society' is so laughable on so many levels.

This is simply 'if....' , or 'if only....' as Scott said, but I know I have to be strive to be content with what we can do. I do not like that sometimes, there are many things I don't like, but probably none more than this one.