Trying to be better

Seems like ages since I wrote here. At long last the pains in my head have subsided to a level which allows me to think more easily. The antibiotics have been partially effective, but I need to see the Doctor again tomorrow to get antibiotics specifically for sinus infections.

It has been hard for MT these last few weeks as she is still very unwell and I have been miserable /stressy/ difficult / not a good slave etc.

Now my head is not feeling like it is going to explode I am starting to feel more like my old self. I have obviously pissed MT off with my attitude although she is aware and understands I was unwell, but also rightly knows I could have behaved better. I am disappointed with how I have been behaving, so I am trying to make up for it now. It will take some time and a lot of grovelling but I will do my best.

I want to feel my 'eureka' feeling again, I know I can get it back, hopefully it will be easier when I feel better. I am just as committed as ever, it is just hard at the moment to focus on being a good slave when I have been in so much pain and more relevantly when I have been so stressed.

Having to try to still go to work and do all the other things that need doing is hard when you feel crap. It is even worse when you know no work equals no money as you push yourself much harder, then you run yourself into the ground and are fit for nothing. That difficult thing called 'balance' is sometimes hard to attain.

The current plan is to keep work to 6 hours per day maximum. Focus much more on being a desirable property by being more attentive to MT and provide her with some good service and as many orgasms as possible.