Dad

Today is a beautiful sunny one here. MT has gone out for the day to Cambridge, which is good as she loves it there. I meanwhile have been at work, which was actually quite nice, a fantastic day to garden.A day when it really does feel good to be alive.

One thing life has taught me is that things can change so quickly, and today was one of those days. A simple ring of a mobile phone and my life will never be quite the same again. My brother called to tell me my Father had collapsed and was on a life support machine. They said he was unable to breathe without it, if their medical attempts failed to get him breathing they would disconnect him.

I just phoned my brother, my Father has been taken off the life support machine and taken to a ward. They do not expect him to last more than one and a half hours. I can not get there to see him in time, I live 5 hours drive away.. I do not think I could have handled it anyway,. My poor brother is distraught, as are my other brother and stepbrother. My Fathers wife is there as well and it must be tough for her as her first husband died some years ago.
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I have not let MT know yet. I do not want to spoil her lovely day in Cambridge, I shall of course tell her when she returns. No doubt I will get a telling off, but I really want her to have a nice day.

Because of the history between my Father and I, I have been taken aback at just how hard this has hit me. It is not an appropriate time to be dissecting this now, but suffice to say some might be suprised I would shed a tear.

But of course, he was my Father, you only get one. None of us are perfect, we are human. I do have some good memories of him but they tend to get quickly blotted out by other memories.

I feel sad for so many reasons, regretting the relationship we had and wishing for the one we should have had. |But it is all history now, the end of another chapter.

I am looking forward to curling up against MT when she gets home. She really understands all the intricacies of how I feel.

I just received a call from my Sister in law, my Father passed away at 1320 hrs (twelve minutes ago).

I probably won't blog for a few days.

Rest in peace Dad.