Arousal

I sometimes feel like there are several versions of me all running around at the same time. I know this does not sound good from a perspective of mental stability and health but it is how I have felt sometimes and still do now and again. In my fire service career, once I took my third rank, I became more sensible and considered in my approach to most things work related. But in my private life I was as reckless as anything, there was little or no restraint and most things were done to excess.

At formal gatherings, I would play my part as Mr Sensible, do and say all the right things, well most of the time. There were exceptions, when the other me just thought fuck it, lets have a good time and I did. Of course, there would be consequences, which the sensible me had to pay the price for, but reckless me never gave a shit.

A similar sort of thing occurs in my O/p relationship, the Jekyl and Hyde perhaps lives in many of us, to greater or lesser degrees I suppose. An interesting difference in me is where it manifests itself in my sex drive and sexual responses relating to my role in power exchange.

As a dominant, pre-MT and on the odd occasion MT lets me out to play in a domly way, I get a tremendous degree of arousal from being dominant. The more I dominate, the higher my sex drive, this in turn then fuels higher dominant activity which in turn gives higher arousal. It is great and I spent the biggest part of my life feeding these urges.

However, since being MT's property, I have obviously been in a submissive role (Grrrr) , my direct responses to submission do not physically arouse me. I do not get off on pain or by being humiliated and service, well, that is probably one of the furthermost points away from what gives me a hard on.

There are a few minor exceptions to not getting turned on by pain; cock torture works, hurts like hell but is an instant stiffy; conversely, being hit in the balls is likely to stop any erection for several days. On the humiliation front, at the time, not a twitch, some time after when discussing/being kindly reminded of my disgusting behaviour by my darling, some things cause a stir, but not that many.

May sound strange, but that it is 'me'.