MT is feeling a little bit better today mainly as she's very drugged up. At least she is feeling better though which has cheered me up a little, hopefully it is the start of an upturn leading back to a good spell. I am also hopeful that our trip to see the consultant tomorrow will be beneficial. Today has been a relaxing one apart from a major clean of the sitting room. Tomorrow will be hectic, gym, shopping, travel to hospital and back, motorbike MOT, and then cooking and cleaning....life in the fast line.
My life has always been a little hectic and until recently very definitely lived in the fast lane. I should have learnt the lesson, ' you reap what you sow' many years earlier than I did. But I didn't and that's why so much of my life was a bit of a mess at times, even when it was great. There was a huge amount of adventure and fun but there has also been a lot of fallout.
As I wrote before, at 13 years of age a new era started for me. I decided then that I would do whatever I wanted to do and I would take control of my life for better or worse. It was a year stuffed to the brim with experiences, many of them not exactly what a 13 year old should have been doing, especially in 1969. Smoking had been discovered when I was 11 years old, but Dear daddy had caught me and made me smoke and inhale 5 cigarettes without a break until I vomited, it sort of put me off a bit - well for two years anyway. So I re-started smoking at 13 and then commenced straight on to my next venture, alcohol. This caused quite a few little issues, I became quite violent when I had been drinking and got involved in quite a few fracas.I liked the way the alcohol made me feel invisible, the way it numbed my brain and the way it helped me get through some of the tougher times. Of course it was no solution to anything, but at the time, it served a purpose.
After a heavy drinking session in town I got so drunk one night I could not walk and allegedly was found by two police officers crawling along the gutter in a side street. I say allegedly, because I do not remember being arrested and thrown into the back of the police car, I was informed later on when being questioned. Apparently, I was so drunk I could not even give my name and address, it was 11-00pm when I was arrested and took until about 05-00 am to give the information so my father could be contacted and to come and collect me, which he did. I do not remember the beating I got because I was so drunk still, which was a really good thing. When I sobered up, which was about 6-00 pm and looked in the mirror I was shocked at how I looked. A massive black eye, swollen nose with dried blood, cut mouth and various lumps and bruises all over my face, being an ex boxer, Dad was quite handy with his fists. Part of me can understand his reaction and actions but it was a brutal attack, but then I used to get pretty much the same when I had not done anything wrong.
I also got expelled from school at 13, a boy had damaged my woodwork project deliberately so I had hit him. The teacher grabbed me by the throat and threw me against a wall and raised his fist threatening to punch me. I retaliated by grabbing his throat and pushing him up against the wall. Of course, this led to yet another beating from Dad, but he did get me re-instated. He threatened to press assault charges against the teacher, I had a severe bump on the back of my head where he had thrown me against the wall. The headmaster decided to reinstate me, but I did not do woodwork anymore, so there was a plus side.
I decided that alcohol was bad for me. It was expensive, gave me hangovers and made me violent. So I decided to give it up as a method of recreation. Of course, there had to be a replacement, and of course that had to be drugs. Well it was actually cheaper to get off your face on them, not such drastic direct side effects and they made the world seem so much better, even pretty sometimes and they were readily available. So I entered the world of blues, dexxies and bombers etc....and then life really did start to get hectic.
The intervening thirty seven years between then as a child and meeting MT at the age of fifty saw many 'adventurous' choices, though the drugs were ditched along the way. Many of these I do not regret, but many I do. I was never out of control, I just completely threw myself into my escapades. MT freely admits she is a thrill seeker too, and in some ways she is a bigger thrill seeker than I ever was. Her thrill seeking tends to use more considered judgment though, and stays within defined boundaries.
My wayward experiences stood me in very good stead when I became an Officer in the Fire Service because I had an understanding of alcohol and drug related, and various other compulsive/ destructive issues. This enabled me to not only be able to deal with the issues more effectively but also to be able to determine all the associated lies and deceptions that come within that world, and enabled me to manage more effectively. MT does not use drugs (which is probably why her medication drugs her up so hard) but she understands and responds to people's compulsion to extreme behaviours well.
So the astute might really start to see why it was a good idea for me to belong to MT. No one else has ever been able to exert even a modicum of control over me, but MT ensures my negative past behaviour stays where it belongs, in the past and there is no way it will ever become my present or future. The fact she manages to do this while capitalising on the advantages of my various experiences is pretty impressive - I never managed to utilize one without the other.
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