Why is humiliation so powerful?

One of the things that I do not understand about myself, and there are quite a few, but none as significant as this one, is humiliation. Prior to meeting MT I never really thought about the subject. As a Dom, I spent plenty of time humiliating girls, they responded well to it and it was obvious they enjoyed it (well, I'm not sure if 'enjoy' is the accurate word, but they did get off on it and always came back for more). I never really gave it any thought as to why they liked it/ why it turned them on, it just did. I suppose, I did not give it any real thought because it was not important to me.

As for myself, out in the big wide world my environment was mainly male orientated, I spent most of my first eight years in the Fire service, living and working, sleeping in a dorm on nights and generally socialising with the lads. I deliberately use the word 'lads' because it better describes the style of life rather than using the term men. We were all often acting like kids, playing pranks, taking the piss out of each other, shagging and of course risking our necks on emergency calls. Taking the piss out of each other was not only acceptable but almost a necessity for survival. The objective, to humiliate the other person in front of the others, was an effective method of battle especially in power struggles between personnel on the same watch, between watches, between stations, divisions and indeed Brigades.

I was very good at piss taking, so I do not really ever remember feeling humiliated, and if the battle of minds ever failed, of course in typical male tradition, one could always resort to violence or physical humiliation. Thus life on a station could be really good fun or an absolute nightmare - I of course had a lot of fun.


So when I met MT, and she started to humiliate me it was a very new experience. I did not even know that I could feel humiliated, let alone actually be made to feel it. At the age of 50, my humiliation virginity was well and truly taken on our first physical liaison. I felt this huge surge of energy stampede through my body. I felt a strange difficulty in breathing, I felt a pulsing sensation all over, especially in my head and the rush was overpowering. I also felt ashamed/ embarrassed, not just by the acts being performed on me or what I was made to do, but also by my own reaction to it.

MT has said that I was such a cocky, arrogant git that she could not wait to take me down a peg or two. At the first meeting she had no intention of it being any kind of relationship, but she did want to put me in my place before dismissing me and going on her way.

The rest as they say is history. The humiliation remains a key component of our relationship. MT can take me down with it whenever she want. If I start to not get humiliated by a particular act/ matter then she changes things and finds the next trigger. Being humiliated has not only proven to be an effective method of control, but has also helped me to learn some humility. It has also, after the event, transpired to be an arousing experience on some occasions, much more so than pain ever has.

I remain mystified why it has such an impact upon me, it just does. I still sometimes nearly hyperventilate just thinking about some of the things that have humiliated me over the last five years. I also nearly hyperventilate about future humiliations as I know there will be many and I am certain to not like any of them. At least my life as MT's property is never boring.