Valentines Day at bedtime was so romantic. MT and I snuggled up close and she told me how much she would love to see me raped - who said 'romance is dead'? Now I did not think think this 'sexy' conversation was going to get too much darker, but wrong again. I should know by now to never underestimate my owner.
My darling valentine proceeded to romantically tell me how much she wants to see both my arse and my mouth simultaneously raped by multiple men. Raped so both my 'rape holes' are left 'cock bruised and bleeding' (MT has such a delicate way with words). Now I really like fantasy sex talk, it can be really hot. The problem is, I know only too well that this is something MT genuinely wants to have done to me. And, when MT decides she wants to see something, then she always makes sure she gets to see it.
At moments like this I have two opposing reactions, as I (now) get off on humiliation, the fantasy of being humiliated is arousing, but not the methodology and certainly not the reality, especially as I know that in our relationship fantasy does usually lead to reality. MT gets what she wants.
There have been countless times MT has remarked about what she would like to do/ us to do/ do to me/ have done to me etc, and in the very early days of our O/p I thought it was purely head fuck/ wank fodder, then I learned the very hard way that it wasn't. As time has gone by, I have tended to adopt the principle that anything and everything could be on the cards at any moment, so while some things may remain fantasy, there is a bloody good chance they won't. I have also accidentally thrown myself under the bus on a few occasions. During 'fantasy' talk, being a dominant person with a primarily dominant sexual drive, I have mooted extra touches to MT's perversions which would enhance matters. It is like for a brief second I am her co-conspirator plotting the downfall of some third party rather than it being about me. In the heat of the moment, it has seemed like a good idea, and as it has been fantasy degradation stuff early on I never took it seriously. Unfortunately, on a few occasions MT has pounced on some concept, usually added some even worse perversions and then told me she will actually do (insert perversions) when she can arrange it/ has the opportunity. Or she just does it without warning. You know, 'casually'.
I must learn to keep my mouth shut more, (especially when I have a hard on).
I understand there will be some people who would hold the opinion that I actually want some of the acts forced onto me, because the act itself is something I want. This could not be further from the truth, but it is hard to explain. It is the act of being totally humiliated that is the driver, absolutely not whatever the actual act is. The act has to be something I really intensely do not want to have the impact of being so humiliating. I would get nothing whatsoever out of being forced to do something I internally desired in any way, it would just be pointless. Overall, of course I have to do whatever MT wants me to do, but the key thing with MT usually is ' if I like something, there is less chance of me getting it ' unless it is something she wants purely for herself, or she decides to give me a treat, which does happen sometimes.
There are still many things I would really hate to do, MT has mooted some of them and they are horrifying to me, some because of the physical pain element and others because of the sheer and total humiliation and degradation of them. I also know, that within that pretty head of hers lies a myriad of other things not mentioned or hinted at that will no doubt come to pass in the fullness of time. This small element of our O/p, being kept in a constant state of fear and trepidation, is an integral part of our life and it is something I now perversely value. It never lets me forget what she's capable of. I want to give my all in every possible way to MT, by being pushed into places I do not want to go and having to do things totally against what my own fundamental desires are. It makes her happy and it makes me very aware that I am owned.
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