"Slight" trepidation

Every year I receive at least two or three severe beatings from MT. These are a routine thing 'just because' and not anything to do with punishment or due to some specific misdemeanour. These truly are occasions that I find so difficult it is hard to put them into words. Suffice to say, by the end I am bruised, broken, bleeding and crying.

MT just happened to mention in bed that it has been a long time since I had been given a "proper" beating. Her rather 'matter of fact, it's nothing' tone sounding almost insignificant to an untrained ear. The words, however, had a huge impact on me and I could almost feel my heart sink as it beat that nervous beat it always does when impending doom is going to descend.

I realised of course that she was right, I could almost say it is overdue by normal standards. So far five whole months have passed of this year without one. I could look on the positive side of that, but reality tells me there is nothing positive about the situation. I must now sit back and wait for the inevitable torment.

As we are going out to a new venue soon, it is occurring to me that could be the location. When she is really brutal with me it is usually always in private, so a public beating of this nature would be especially bad. I always beg and plead (pathetically in the end) for mercy and for it to stop, but of course it only stops when MT has decided it will stop and she is relentless and fierce. I cry and scream and lose the plot so it would be really humiliating to have this witnessed by strangers. I would much rather this be in private and hold on to at least a scrap of dignity. My main hope is that MT wouldn't be that sadistic in public for her own self preservation.

These beatings (etc, there is often much more than just that) are a necessary thing, it reminds me of my place, keeps me in line and afterwards I feel sort of tranquil and settled and somehow safe. It also makes me feel loved. Most importantly though MT needs to really vent her sadism sometimes

Reading this back, makes me realise just how much I have changed.

Clubs, hotels, socks.... and buses

I found MT's stash of socks yesterday, OMG she has some socks. Socks for every occasion and eventuality, her stash makes my meagre sock collection look extremely pathetic (hers seems almost like a fetish to me). Not suprisingly, in amongst the four plus stuffed bags full of 'her' socks, I found numerous socks, that if I was allowed possessions, would most definitely be considered as being 'mine'. So, I rescued them and relocated them to a secret location. There is a risk I could be tortured but I shall hold out as long as possible, socks are important.....

Now as some of you know, the fact that I consider socks important is something MT has mocked me for and bitched about. So finding that my beloved Owner's strongly implied laissez-faire approach to socks is perhaps 'a little over stated' is worthy of mention. Because she definitely has far more socks than her mocked slave and to  the casual observer the four + bags full of her carefully arranged socks appear to be in existence for her various essential sock requirements. I am saying nothing of this hilarious  matter, whistes innocently......  

- - -

In slightly less than two weeks time we are having a night away in the Midlands. A new BDSM club has opened which looks promising, and the dates line up with scheduled things. On the down side, MT is really looking forward to it, which means I am in for a very hard time. Apparently we will be staying overnight in a hotel, and that especially always spells danger. After severe thrashings (etc) MT likes to really use me and unfortunately the strap on will be coming with us. But this is not the worst possible outcome. MT has stated it might be a good opportunity to enjoy the pleasures of someone else, if she sees someone suitable at the event.

All in all it could be a difficult weekend, the drive home will almost certainly be a painful one.

At least, being the ever dutiful slave that I am, I can rest happily assured she will have warm feet.

Make love not war

A current thread on the O/p group has brought up the subject of how a female Owner is able to exert control over a male slave, as generally speaking, males are physically stronger than females. So I thought this might be a good subject for me to blog about.

Throughout history there have been many great leaders (as well as a few crap ones). I do not believe they obtained power or maintained it because they as individuals were physically stronger than the other people around them. Ghandi is perhaps a good example to illustrate the point.

So the fact I am physically stronger than MT is pretty much irrelevant as far as I am concerned. MT is, however, a mighty physical force and I have no doubts whatsoever that if she did attack me I would suffer serious injury, even if she was unarmed. She is definitely physically stronger than some men and probably has far less scruples when faced with physical attack on her or her loved ones.

I see a the relevant factor being power, power IMO is the key. A person does not have to be physically strong, they could actually be very physically weak, yet still yield tremendous power.

Now in an O/p relationship, it is all about power, TPE, where one person gives up all control to another. So when I gave myself to MT as her slave I relinquished all my power ie my will, my physical strength advantage and all other things I had previously had control over, I gave them all to her.

I am physically strong, more importantly perhaps, I have very good fighting skills, I also have no compassion whatsoever in a fight. I never start it, but I always try to be the one to finish on top.. BUT I have never hit a woman, it is not in my nature (perhaps seeing my Father hit my Mother and watching the suffering that caused provided this quality).

With this being so ingrained I would never use force against MT, unless it ever became necessary to protect her from herself and in that regard it would be my duty.

In addition, I love her with all my heart and would not wish to harm her. I also happen to have certain standards and morals combined with a sense of loyalty and duty.

I WILLINGLY and KNOWINGLY gave myself to her, my choice, my decision, I gave up all my rights, so why on earth would I ever want to undermine or destroy this? It would be O/p suicide.

It is true to say our relationship is anything but smooth, but then in my experience, the best things in my life have had to be worked for and we have both worked hard. We are still here, I am her slave, her property, I will use my strength and my power to protect her always, no matter what.

Just for the record, MT is one hell of a scary woman when she wants to be. Yes I am stronger and in an unarmed fight I would win (probably) BUT I would spend the rest of my life in fear as I know she has the capability to take me out if she so desired. See my life is fun, scary....but fun.

Snippy slave

On my return from work today I was a bit snippy with my Owner. After a coffee and lunch I found myself in bed wearing the dreaded peach knickers having my Owner plucking my' bikini line' with her fingers. The pain of this was accompanied by the knickers being jerked up sharply in an attempt to cause my testicles discomfort. Whilst this was successful, the main area of discomfort was between my cheeks.

The moral of this story is not to be a stroppy bastard to ones Owner.

Violence was not necessary.

Entitlement

As time has passed I feel I have become more immersed in my position as MT's property. Of course, there are still the 'bad days' but they seem to be becoming less frequent and less volatile when they do occur.

MT pointed out that I am more easily pleased these days. One of the things that I admired about MT very early on in our relationship was the fact that she was very easy to please. MT was always happy with what she had received. I on the other hand , was a person who generally speaking often wanted/expected more than I had been given.

I think being a slave has changed me in many ways. I never had to ask for anything before, I just used to get things whenever I wanted them and if I thought I wanted more or something 'better' I just used to acquire whatever it was. Having limits and restrictions placed on me has made me more appreciative of what I am allowed to have when I receive something. The' receiving' may be something physical or non physical, it could be an edible treat or being permitted to do something like have a bike ride or watch television etc.

I suppose pre MT I took a lot of things as being a right, something I was entitled to. As property I have no rights, there is no entitlement to anything. Anything and everything I get are 'concessions' and I am learning to appreciate each and every one of them. And when I don't I have them removed....simple (apart from when I get pissed off ) but it is I think all part of the process.

To me, becoming a slave is something I am having to evolve into. It is a ongoing process, some changes are big, some small, some instant, others a slow progression. Every now and then there is some regression, but overall I have changed so much from the person I started out as when we first met.

Counting things

10 Things my owner does to me

1. Slaps my face
2. Squeezes my nipples
3. Spanks, canes and  whips my arse
4. Cuts me
5 Drinks my blood
6 Fucks my arse
7. Rides my 'dildo'
8. Bites me
9. Forces me to suck cock and lick balls
10.Has had me fucked by a stranger

10 Reasons why I love my Owner (in no particular order)

1.She is intelligent
2.She makes me happy
3.She is loyal
4.She is beautiful and very very sexy
5.She is honest

6.She knows how to really own me
7.She knows how to humiliate me
8.She does not have many limits for me and she is a sadist
9.She is great to be with (fantastic personality)
10 She has a phenomenally fuckable arse

Physically speaking

Our O/p relationship is a very physical one. At the moment sex is probably our main physical player, sometimes my role is to physically supply a sexual 'service' and other times and other times for me to be purely 'utilised' for MT's pleasure. S&M can also feature high on the agenda at times, either on it's own or integrally with the sexual use.

As MT is a sadist, sadism often leads to sex, and the more sadistic she is usually the higher her sexual drive. This can be a difficult time for me and if I had been allowed limits they would have been passed on numerous occasions.

Aspects like this are in my opinion are some of the big differences between O/p and other dynamics. When there are no limits you just have to take whatever comes along for as long as you are required to. Yes of course you can beg, you can scream and kick, just about anything as an outlet (unless ordered not to) but it will only end when your Owner decides it will.

This inability to bring a cessation to things is deeply fundamental to our O/p relationship. I would not feel like property if I was permitted limits or safe words or indeed if I had an Owner who did not make me do things I do not want to do.MT having the options and using them to change/ develop/ mutate/ reprogramme me at her will are so integral to our relationship I just could not imagine them not being a feature of our relationship.

As discussed many times before, humiliation in all it's forms also often features in our lives. The physical things I have to do sometimes mortify me and this then converts into the psychological humiliation which just about sends me to the edge and then some.

My physical use to provide other services is also part of everyday life. Making drinks, meals, cleaning, working. decorating, repairs, driving, personal care etc are just a more or less interesting elements of my life yet they are also important parts of our O/p.

So 'physical use' plays a huge part, but there are so many other facets, but physicality just seems to be more noticeable, probably because it often hurts.

Whipping post.

MT here tonight - waves.The scene:

I was feeling a little uptight for reasons nothing to do with N. N is very tired after a rough few days and was looking forward to watching some new show on TV.  Feeling stressed I thought it would be pleasing to take it out on N and put him to use as a whipping post.  I have therefore just had him strip, but very sweetly I thought, had him bend him over in front of the TV. Am I not kindly?

I then gave him a thorough caning which made him yelp rather a lot and of course he couldn't watch his programme at all as he was focusing on taking his beating. Taking my stress out on his rump was a great success and very enjoyable. You will be delighted and relieved to hear that I feel relaxed. If I smoked I'd be having a fag about now.

N is now sitting tenderly watching his TV show with red wine & chilli nuts (the food stuff before you ask), and being a kindly owner I am writing his blog for him.

Having discussed this sort of thing once before I am aware that thrashing him just as stress relief is deemed to be 'abusive' by some camps. Here however it is seen as his duty. Even though he's a pretty piece of arse, he's fundamentally here to be useful to me - and thrashing his arse was very useful tonight. He says he feels 'where he belongs'.

Compassion for cunts

I suppose I am a fairly strange creature in many ways ( no smart remarks please). Ex Dom, ex Fire Officer, ex husband, ex just about everything really. Of course the 'here and now' is the most important and that is quite clearly me being MT's slave.

There have been many changes/developments since MT and I met. Some of what I considered to be permanent traits/ beliefs etc have either moved, been eradicated or evolved into something else or been overwritten.

An area which has yet to change is part of what MT refers to as 'my service drive' - the bit in question was just described by MT as 'my psychological compulsion to help people'. I never really gave it much thought really, my drive to help has been there for as long as I can remember, it is an inherent part of me. Whilst this drive can indiscriminate in some cicumstances, and while I do have a weighting system, I also have a specific quirky subconscious drive to help some people who are either pretty fucked up and/ or are arseholes.

MT and I spoke about this in bed the other night (after I had done my duty of course ;) ). I confessed (which she knew already) to having a lot of empathy to people who often have no friends or hardly any and/ or to people who treat others sometimes either not very well or even quite atrociously, sometimes, if they are fucked up enough even if they have treated me badly. If they are fucked up badly enough I start to see it almost as a disability.

I suppose, having my own history of being slightly less than a perfect human being ( OK massive understatement ) I have some understanding of being that type of person, and perhaps there is also an element of acknowledging the real world and all of it's faults, and all of the human failings/ shortcomings.

There have been many times in my life when I knew what the right thing to do was, but deliberately chose another path, sometimes for my own benefit, sometimes for the benefit of others, and sometimes just for the hell of it....  So I guess, when those with similar traits come across my path I understand them a little better than perhaps some other people do. In my 'logic' they are perhaps no different to someone who has a physical difficulty, be it temporary or permanent eg a broken leg, an illness or disability etc.

The difficulty can arise when X person does Y (to me or someone else) and then I end up feeling guilty because I can no longer help them. Often this is because I can not risk the consequences because they will adversely affect our present and/or our future. A recent incident has occurred with a person who I have been helping, who really went too far, yet I still feel this tremendous guilt and desire to still help them, even though I know that it is not possible for me to do so, and MT has very firmly vetoed this thought.

MT has been reshaping me to be slightly more discerning on this, and this is the biggest incident of this nature for a long time. It is not a conscious drive to be a good Samaritan or anything like that on my part, I just seem to end up being in the position... but of course it is by my own action, even if it's a somewhat inadvertent action.

Just a short blog tonight as I am very tired. The combination of work and a demanding MT.

I am deeply touched by the requests for photographs of my exercise routines in various attires, gardener porn, decorated arse porn........I am hoping thngs will go the same way as the the non existant salsa photos ;)

'My' slutty 'girl'

Last night the training regime continued.Naked again, good job it's warm. I was feeling quite stiff from the previous nights workout, luckily the 'breaking in gently ' is continuing. I had to request a couple of relaxations as I could not do some of the exercises due to old injuries, lack of flexibility and old age... I mean maturity.

Bedtime was not too strenuous, pleasuring MT and then some well needed sleep.

Today I returned home for lunch to a somewhat less forcibly dominant than usual MT. As time has gone on, sometimes MT likes her property to be a bit more like his 'old self', the dominant male. A signal was picked up, and graciously accepted. When these rare chances occur I really do put my heart and soul into it. Switching into my sexual dominant side is always easy for me. I spent 28 years like it so it is understandable it still lurks around in depths of my perverted little brain.

So my darling owner was given some of her 'dominant man services'. It is so nice when this happens, I could say it's a bit like getting back on a bike but that might be misinterpreted, hee hee. So my 'girly' owner (she looks very girly and pretty when she is like this, which is my euphemism and a good way to check the waters as MT hates being called 'pretty', I can only ever get away with it when she's being 'my girl' in bed)  was given a bloody good seeing to, and as always it was fucking great. There are orgasms and there are orgasms and this was definitely top ten. After collapsing onto the bed feeling totally sated, I went back to work with the widest of grins having entertained myself by pulling her knickers up, patting her on the arse, and saying 'good girl' on my way out (this always makes her laugh).

When the days work was finished, I returned home to the more usual MT. Little smiles exchanged and I knew I had done well, I also knew it was back to normal.

As time has passed and trust has grown and as I have become more immersed in my slavery MT has allowed herself the opportunity to experience sexually some of her properties past nature and skills. It is an area of exploration she sometimes wishes to experience. There is never any confusion as to my status, I always know I am owned but am allowed to demonstrate my other side. It works well and is something special we can enjoy together.

Of course I do not enact all past and dormant traits, I am a fairly harsh sadist and that is not something I would ever want to do to MT, and fortunately it is something she does not want either. Our sexual forays are more than enough for me. But it might be nice to inflict some pain and humiliation on some poor unsuspecting girl one day if MT permits.

This blog post has been heavily censored (by me - slave etiquette dictates I can't let the world know what a wanton slut my owner is)  ;)

The home front

Last night was the first of the exercise nights. So, I was told to strip and report to the living room for my exercises. Standing in our living room naked in front of a seated MT awaiting my instructions felt a strange mix of bizarre/ surreal/ humiliating/ amusing.

MT took a tape measure and measured and recorded my vital statistics, fortunately my dildo was not included, at least that hasn't got a training programme (yet). It was strange being measured and recorded like this, it did give that feeling of being truly owned which is somehow reassuring.

Then the exercises began, MT giving precise orders as to which exercise and how many of each. Press ups, squats, and various other exercises were ordered, with me positioned for assessment and MT's 'amusement' and then sit ups were carried out in the back garden (not naked fortunately). This was then followed by some crawling. Luckily MT made sure it was a relatively easy break in session, but I still ached this morning.


It was an early bedtime and of course I was required to pleasure my owner, then two hours later I was permitted to sleep.

Lunch break today was renamed 'dildo time'. Before food was allowed I was told to strip and get on the bed and bend over for the cane, which was delivered very hard and caused stripes. Then I had to lie on my back and MT mounted her dildo and used me until it had satisfied her. She also slapped my face a few times during of course - then I had lunch.

Tonight the training regime is to continue, apparently there is now a training programme, it includes 'flutter kicks' whatever they are, sounds a bit ballet-ish to me, God I hope there will never be a tutu, I suppose if there is that will be fucking peach coloured as well.

Work was busy, tonight will be busier no doubt. Life as MT's slave is never boring, but often exhausting :)

Life is just peachy

One of the things about being property is the additional 'thrill' of never knowing what will happen next. Life in general makes each day interesting with little twists and turns and the occasional huge events that throw us new challenges/ issues to deal with. Being in O/p you get all the 'normal' life stuff plus the mystical 'owner' elements.

Yesterday started out as a pretty normal day, shopping and lunch with MT...then peach panties.

Last night, cosy dinner at home, a little TV then the usual pleasuring of MT....then....I am informed there will be new routines and elements being introduced into my everyday life over the forthcoming weeks. Good listening skills are an important slave ability, so I listened intently.

It would appear, I am to be placed on a controlled diet.  More significantly I will perform scheduled physical exercises, as mandated by MT and these will be conducted under her supervision. MT is good at physical motivation in all sorts of ways, she is known for it. I will be advised as to the dress code but it will sometimes include nudity or other attire (the dreaded peach panties were mentioned, I think/ hope as a sanction). My buttocks are to be firmed up and my stomach, chest and arms to be more toned/muscular. She has booked us a break in Cardiff and I am to have attained various physical requirements by then.

Last night I was admonished for having hairy buttocks whilst modelling my new underwear, life is just so special.

Tonight will be the start of my new regime. I am filled with the usual mix of emotions when MT brings in something new. The mixed feelings state is always tricky. There is some excitement, lots of trepidation, some concerns, the feeling of impending embarrassment which no doubt will be escalated into total humiliation and the need to please MT and the effort that I must put in to achieve that.

Then of course there is the 'axe hanging over the head' element. The penalties that will be issued for non compliance and/or failure. MT always knows where the weak spots are, Cati, food, alcohol, TV and of course the overriding one of failing to be the slave she wants. Being stretched, made to evolve, made to put effort in, made to change etc are very powerful elements for a slave to deal with. Personally, I believe they 'make a slave'. If left to my own devices, left to just being me, not developed, not evolving, not controlled would for me be so similar to vanilla that it would be fruitless.

In order to be a slave I must become the slave MT wants me to be, not the one I think she wants or needs.

She went shopping

Last night was relatively quiet. We watched a pay per view movie (Machete which MT delighted in due to the hot Latino chicks and lots of violent gore), and then we went to bed. When MT places my hand in a certain place there are no need for words. I love pleasuring her like this, it is something I have grown to love so much that it feels wrong if I am not doing it. Making her orgasm is hot, very hot and if I am lucky I get to orgasm as well. Unfortunately, last night was not one of those times and after MT fell asleep, I was left stiff but it did not matter, MT was satisfied and that makes me smile.

Today we went shopping in Bury St Edmunds and I took MT to lunch. Prior to this we had been to a DIY store as I needed to get some stuff for us and my customers. I was quite concerned when I saw what MT had in her hand. It was a set of craft knives, MT made no comments about them at all. I felt that certain feeling I guess most slaves feel when they see their owners with things in their hands that they may or may not use to inflict pain on their slaves. Of course, it may be innocent, but MT does love to cut me and drink my blood. At the moment I will just put it to the back of my mind.

To be honest, there is nothing I can do about it anyway, if she decides to use them on me that is what will happen. Being a slave is so hard in so many ways, but conversely a slave does not have to worry about many decision making matters, the decisions are made for us... for better or worse.

I left MT alone for a short while to go to the toilet, when we met up (it had only been 5 minutes) she had a little bag in her hand. 'I have a present for you' she said 'and something for myself as well' She opened the bag to reveal three pairs of  panties. A turquoise pair, cream lace ones and a peach lace pair, 'the peach ones are yours' she said with a beaming smile. I really just do not want to talk about them or think about them now. Groan.

Used

Last night I was pleasuring MT in bed when she told me to lay on my back as she wanted to use her 'dildo', this is the way she sees my cock, as her dildo, just something to use to give her pleasure.

MT then got on top and rode me. Of course as always I was ecstatic to be used like this. Then MT started to slap my face. At first the slaps were quite gentle, almost playful and then the stinging ones started.

MT came several times and I struggled hard not to orgasm as I did not have permission. The slapping of my face made it more difficult not to orgasm as the humiliation of being used sexually and slapped at the same time hit my triggers. At one point MT gripped me by the throat and applied pressure. She loves to do this and I know she has to use a lot of self control as she would love to temporarily cut off my air supply till I lost consciousness (well she does say it would only be temporary :) ).

I then received the hardest slap she has ever given me around the face, it stung so much and the force rocked my head to one side. At the same time she had a massive orgasm. How I never came at that precise moment I will never know. MT said that I had been very lucky as she had really wanted to hit me really hard around the face, but as it was dark in the room she did not want to use that much force without being sure she was on target, see what a considerate owner she is?

MT said' good boy' and rolled off me. She then toyed with my dildo before dropping off to sleep. I lay there wide awake, no orgasm, a still very stiff cock and a stinging cheek.

Round two then occurred this afternoon. She's clearly starting to get better. After torturing me for ages I was even allowed an orgasm this time :D

A restful lunchbreak.

Last night when MT took me to bed she gave me a long verbal humiliation chat. She discussed things that might happen in the future, both immediate and long term. MT knows which buttons to push and how far to push them and they got a very considerable push last night.

Today, on my lunch break from work I was sent to the bedroom and ordered to strip.I was then told to get in my caning position on the bed, so it was up on my knees, head down and bottom up. MT allows me to support myself on pillows underneath me. This is to make less strain on my joints and also to help stop me from buckling as the blows rain down.

It was a short but hard caning, one strike in particular really hurt and I buckled. MT gave me a few seconds to recover and regain position before proceeding, she is soooo considerate.

She then spent ages looking at her handiwork and of course rubbing the stripe marks with her fingers.So I have a long procession of stripe marks on my backside and top of my thighs.I was then made to provide her with sexual relief before being told to get dressed and go back to work to earn her some money. So, another pretty normal day.

Cati has been operated on and apparently is in a stable condition. I will be travelling by train tomorrow to go and pick her up and bring her home ( MT loves my arse to be sore when I am riding Cati). It has been a long week, I have missed her so much. The reunion will be very touching and there may well be tears. I will have to ride her gently for a bit before really making her scream.

Lioness with side order of kitten.

I have lost count of how many times I have said that O/p is a very difficult relationship dynamic. I find it exceptionally hard and although in some ways as time passes it becomes easier, in others it becomes more difficult.

As many of you know, MT's health is not very good and this obviously affects our relationship. When she is well she is this uber dominant uber sadistic dynamic hell bitch. During this phase, yours truly has to duck and dive around to survive as best as I can. It is often a painful, humiliating and intensely controlled time for me. This pushes me into ultra slave state. Any resistance is instantly quelled and I quickly slip into my extra slavey state and stay there for some considerable time . This is the state I am most used to and most comfortable with. Although it can be difficult, it is where I belong, it keeps me calm and makes me feel safe and also gives me that buzz that I am sure that most slave types feel.

There is the other side, however, to MT, the unwell side. During the bad health periods she becomes very 'kitteny' her words not mine. Hell bitch turns into quite placid, cuddly, softer woman who loves to be hugged, kissed, cuddled, caressed and fussed over. When this happens, I am more in 'her man' role, although the fact I am her slave is always evident and active. This is a time when I have mixed feelings sometimes. Being 'her man' is great ( I always feel like her man even when I am totally whipped, I just happen to be her slave as well). Being able to be proactive and have my 'girl' in my arms is wonderful. There are times though when I am so submissive it is hard to get out of this state and into ' I'm your man' but I usually manage it :)

The real difficulty becomes when MT starts to feel better. I usually have just become adjusted to 'her man' when she slaps me back down to uber slave. The transition can be so quick I often do not know if I am coming or going, literally.

One minute she can be curled up in my arms having her hair stroked and the next she is saying ' get your arse up bitch'.

It makes for a very interesting time. I always know I am her slave, it is just a different way of serving her.Caring for her and looking after her whilst she is in pain is all part of my service to her. This is something that has evolved initially due to her illness but also as time has passed and she has become more certain of my slavery.

Sometimes it can just be a bit confusing, knowing when and how to transition and how far to go. I never have to fear though, cos MT always lets me know exactly what is and is not OK.

Distress and Limits

On the O/p group there is a thread titled ' Hands Off My Owner'. This started out discussing slaves attitudes to their owners having other liaisons. The thread has progressed into a discussion on psychological distress and limits in O/p. 

I thought it might be worthwhile to share my post on the thread here for those that do not view the O/p Group threads -

I have been following this thread with interest.

On a personal note, I do sincerely believe that being in an O/p relationship is often very difficult, much more so than many other types of relationship dynamics. As a consequence, it is something that should not be entered into lightly and requires certain strengths and traits of character if it is to be successful.

Being a slave and being allowed to be 'yourself' and not to have any control exerted over you or very little control exerted over you and/or being allowed to have limits facilitates a smoother life perhaps than the opposite scenario eg a heavily controlled dynamic which continuously evolves and where the only limits are those the Owner wishes to maintain.

In my personal opinion, an O/p relationship can not have limits imposed by the property.

My first wife tried to stab me on numerous occasions, she had numerous affairs behind my back and also knocked me unconscious with a hame on one occasion.

My second wife got pregnant by another man who she had being having an affair with for six years. Of course I was unaware of this at the time and only found out my 'daughter' was not my daughter when the affair was discovered by his partner and she informed me.

My two ex wives did actually cause me 'damage' for a variety of reasons, physically and psychologically. One of the most significant elements of this damage was the betrayal of trust and all of the deceptions. The fact it was all done behind my back, no regard for my feelings, emotions or any respect for me.

There have been many other instances of 'damage' , in fact I believe everyone has 'baggage' it is part of life.

I knew I had baggage when I met MT, I knew I had all sorts of hang ups and I knew that if I entered into an O/p relationship with MT there would be changes and that it was more than likely I would have to deal with some things I would find extremely difficult, perhaps even impossible. In my head, there were things I considered that would be impossible for me to deal with.

Having spent a huge amount of my life doing difficult things, career wise and in my personal life, I did not feel the disadvantages outweighed the advantages of becoming property and thus I signed up for a life with me not having limits.

When it was easy stuff to achieve it was of course easy to attain what MT wanted. When it became difficult, well that was a totally different story, much of which has been documented on the internet in one format or other.

MT is rather smart, huge understatement, she knew every detail about my past, my baggage my 'damage' for want of a better word. So when the issue of her having sexual relations with other males came up she knew how big this was. To say I was unhappy about it would of course be an understatement. BUT there was a huge, no, massive difference, it was up front, out in the open....it was honest and transparent and NOT deception.

I still did not like it, but a lot of time and a lot of work was put in by MT to facilitate the outcome she wanted, the primary issue really was not actually her mad burning desire to have sex with other men. It was about her ownership of me, my total submission to her and acceptance of actually truly being property and accepting no limits does actually just mean that in practice as well as theory.

When I was having my issues, I had to remind myself why I had given myself to her. The fact she is intelligent, loving, caring, a good person, trustworthy, honest and reliable etc etc.

MT was not either of my two previous wives, she had not damaged me, I had no reason to not trust her. All the other changes she had made had been positive ones and we had grown closer and closer and were still evolving our O/p relationship.

I am no more fucked up than many other people. In many ways experiencing and surviving the many adverse things I have experienced has perhaps made me stronger and stood me in good stead to deal with life.

MT is as sane as anyone else, she is also very competent. Yes she is a sadist but there are far worst things in life to be than that, she also happens to be honest and I admire that.

I wanted to be owned by MT, I wanted to be in this relationship with her, I willingly and knowingly gave up my rights to anything, I did that because firstly I trusted her in every regard and secondly, but equally as importantly, because I thought I was strong and tough enough mentally and physically to withstand a relationship where I would be tested, developed and above all, where I belonged.

Harmony

We are getting more and more back to our normal selves which is a very good thing. There is a thread on the O/p group about communication which MT has told me to read so I will do so later. Apparently it has some relevance.

I took my beloved Cati to Peterborough today, she will undergo surgery on Friday. It was sad saying goodbye to her, we have not been parted before so it is a very intense time. The surgery is likely to be expensive, but hopefully she will make a full recovery and might indeed end up even better than before. I will update you when I have further news.

On the way back from Peterborough I met up with MT in Ely and we did the lunch thing which was very nice, especially as it was MT's treat, I am such a lucky slave.

There has been a nasty rumour about an Owner biting a slave tonight, I hope it remains a rumour as the slave in question still has a very sore and bruised rump from Saturday night.

Busy busy busy.

The last 24 hours have been quite busy.

Last night was a long night of depravity which passed into the early hours. This was was followed by a very busy very sexy morning in bed which has left this slave quite tired but very very satisfied.

MT really does have a huge appetite.

It is so nice to see MT re-emerging as the medication seems to be moving her towards better health.

Home sweet home

Following on from being unceremoniously thrown under the bus yesterday by my dear friends, I was indeed taken out by MT last night. As some people may have a 'slight' interest as to the outcome of our night I thought I might recount it.

We had a one and a half hours drive to the venue, a bisexual club where swinging and BDSM occur. MT looked stunning and as usual I was very proud to be with her.

We sat and chatted for a while to each other and to some of the other attendees. MT then decided it was time to  administer some pain. I was bent over a bench in a public area and MT gave me a sound paddling, caning and horsewhipping to my backside and backs of my thighs. The thighs is an area I find particularly painful and MT had great delight in watching and hearing me struggle with the first hard session I have been given for several months. I had 'almost' forgotten just how painful it could be and I really struggled. Several people watched very quietly, they were probably too scared to make a noise in case MT whipped them.

Then I was sent off to get MT a drink, and promptly told to take my shirt off and lie on the floor. She proceeded to do extraordinarily painful things to me with the heels of her shoes* which made me beg for mercy, while she taunted me and chatted to people and drank her juice and generally made me suffer. A lot. She also had a tremendous urge to kick me in the ribs apparently, but fortunately she said the shoes were inappropriate for this purpose. She looked very disappointed by this. I was not disappointed.

Back into the main room, more drinks and more chatting, and explaining O/p to a few interested people. Then MT smiled at a man sitting opposite us, had a little word and suddenly told me I was to provide oral services  to him when they had finished their drinks. Whenever I am told this my heart races and I start to feel the struggle for air and a sense of total panic flows over me. Of course I have to comply, there is no other option.

So into another public area and I was made to kneel and suck cock. In fact, slightly different to most such experiences, MT told the man he could tell me what he wanted, which I then had to comply with unless she said otherwise (which she did twice). Usually, MT directs every part, and I found this twist even more difficult. So, as directed, I knelt and licked, sucked cock and balls for what seemed like ages I think it was actually quite a long time, while my owner was right by my face watching and grabbing and pushing my head down and taunting and directing etc, while other people watched. I was mortified.

MT was in a particularly teasing mood and I was unsure if she would be using the cock I was working on which made me very very jealous. The fact she had him strip, and promptly discovered that he had angular hipbones (which is a great favourite of hers) made my concern stronger, but fortunately she confined herself to some hipbone fondling (though I was told today she thought fucking his hipbones might have been nice). MT gave the man the option of coming over my face, down my throat or anywhere else he pleased. Not surprisingly he chose down my throat.

Afterwards everyone sat around chatting, including my audience, and once again the fact that I am not of bisexual orientation was noticed by the assembled men, and inevitably I was then asked lots of questions about slavery and BDSM and how MT & I fit together. As always we were told that you could see we were a wonderful fit but no one could quite work out how.

The drive home was painful, and MT went straight to sleep in the car. When we got home an hour and a half later it was time to pleasure MT before being allowed to sleep, and then get up for work having had about 3 hours sleep.

Having got back from work I was generously allowed a cup of tea before being ordered to strip and display my stripes and bruises, prodded and poked on my sore bits, then ordered to fuck MT for rather a long time, before being given a sound arse raping and then being plugged with dear old njoy. And then she went on an excruciatingly painful biting frenzy.

It has been an interesting 24 hours, for numerous reasons. It has been a while since I was used like this. Although it was a tough time (as usual with MT) despite the pain and intense overwhelming humiliation, it was so nice and comforting to be back where I belong as her slave, in full service and full use to my darling sadistic Owner. I struggled with so many things, but seeing the joy and pleasure in her face and feeling and hearing her satisfaction makes it all so worthwhile. I really am feeling back where I truly belong.

*(MT here: @piece John Rocha, black patent open toe 4/5" stilettos with straps and buttons. This was a joyous occasion as it was the first time I have been able to wear heels for over two years. hurrah! I now return you to your normal programming)

The campaign for a sexy female slave for MT is not going well. There seems to be little or no support and I think certain people may quite like the idea of the 'male' option. Some people just like to see others suffer, I can't imagine why.

Work was hard today, I was not in the right frame of mind and I felt tired, a bad combination. Working Friday, Saturday and Sunday which is a definite downer. Also there was a heavy frost last night and several of our plants have been badly frost damaged, some may not recover so that is not pleasing.

I need to get rid of a few pounds, not going to the gym and some comfort eating are now showing around the waistline. I really dislike it when this happens, I love my food and this means I will have to go on a strict diet for a few weeks. If I had time I would do some strenuous exercises but work precludes this at present.

I must not be a chubby slave.

Pasta surprise

On the O/p group Masters_piece has started a personal ads thread. While cooking pasta tonight, MT casually said 'I might even put an advert of my own on there'. I asked if she was serious and she said yes, she was.

The idea of a second slave has been mentioned before. I did not like the idea then and I still don't. BUT I have been told I WILL be welcoming to the new slave as and when they arrive. So, I will be welcoming.

So, what should I hope for? A 6 ft 6 in male with a 10 inch cock? Or a beautiful 25 year old (ish) female with a body to die for? It's a tough one. Someone like Rhianna would be just fine.

So comrades, how are WE going to persuade her that this is the way to go...?

A cut above the rest

Last night MT decided to have a little drink. Tea, coffee, alcohol or water etc would have been easy and of course painless.

I was sent to the bedroom and ordered to strip (not much change there then). As soon as I was told to lay face down on the bed I just knew it was bad news. When I heard the drawers where the needles and swabs are kept being rummaged through I knew it was going to be a painful time.

It has been a long time since MT has cut me so the fear of pain factor was running quite high. After a short pondering discussion of where to cut me MT decided the back of my calf would do.I was ordered to bite the pillow and at one stage I thought I might bite through it.

I had forgotten how much this type of pain hurts, sometimes I can hear as well as feel my flesh being cut. When I felt her start to squeeze the calf I just knew she was going to feed on me. The feeding hurts as much if not more than the actual cutting and last night it hurt like hell. I did my usual things, yelled, pleaded, begged and felt the tears form in my eyes but of course it only stopped when MT decided to. It stopped for a few minutes and then it started again. The second feed and any subsequent ones are often more painful than the first.

When MT had finished her second feed she gave me a needle piercing in my backside as pain relief. The rush from this usually gets my endorphins flowing and gives some relief, see she really is a considerate sadist.

I had 'almost' forgotten what real pain feels like. Whilst I hated the pain, being able to serve MT like this is such a privilege and seeing her happy makes me happy. It is good being used again.