On an earlier blog Hawk asked the following ' What if she took a second slave that was a female? Would that be better?'
Apologies first to Hawk for not responding directly. I had intended to answer it in the following blog but as usual other things cropped up. So I will try to explain how I feel about not being the only male MT may use for her pleasure.
An important aspect to cover is that I knew she was bisexual when I met her. I also knew, that her preference was usually strongly for females, and who can blame her. Very early on there was an understanding that while we would be heterosexually monogamous she would have female lovers/ submissives/ playmates if and when she wanted them. I of course would be monogamous full stop. I nearly just wrote, 'this was not a problem', then changed my mind because it's not that straightforward, in fact it is complicated.
As a red blooded male, of course I love to watch two women in sexual contact, I have spent a lifetime in the pursuit of sexual adventure and this has been a big turn on for me on many occasions. I used to regularly make my submissives perform for me in this and other ways and obviously enjoyed this. So in theory I was very ok about MT having female submissives and lovers, especially if she let me be present. Therefore I was very surprised the first time she had a sexual encounter with a female, I felt a pang, a feeling deep inside that I did not like. This was the woman who I love with all my heart, I wanted to be her only object of desire, I wanted to be her everything and I felt a bit hurt that I could not fulfill all of her needs. As is usual with me, I have an initial reaction to something (usually mad outburst of rage but not on this occasion), spend ages mulling it over in my tiny little mind and then come to a conclusion.
My conclusions were easy, I knew the score right from the start, there had been total transparency about her sexuality and her intentions. I had accepted the terms and therefore I had no right to bitch about it. She loves the female form and all the feminine elements that make a woman. It was this that made acceptance easier, this was something I could not give her because I was male, this made me feel much better, it was like it was outside of my span of capability, therefore I could accept it.
The heterosexual monogamy issue was in our early written slave contract, along with some other agreements, but I actually offered all removal of the restrictions as a gift to MT as a sign of my trust and commitment to her very soon after we signed the thing, so it fast became redundant and there became no limits or restrictions whatsoever.
The whole lesson of her taking pleasure from other males came about due to my stupidity of trying to control/ manipulate her, it might never have occurred otherwise (trying to control MT is an idiotic move for anyone, let alone her slave). It was her way of putting me in my place and of course it was very effective. I find the prospect of another male slave/ submissive/ whatever so very different from her having a female. As her man, partner, lover and slave combined, I want to be the only male she ever wants or needs (I have a very different mental attitude regarding MT having a male slave as opposed to a male sub or any other male as well, and I'll wade my way through that in another blog post). I suppose in my head I feel I really should be the only male she ever wants in any way. Her wanting females is something I just physically cannot compete with. Being a man is what I am, therefore if I am not the only man in her life it does make me feel sort of inadequate ie not enough for her, it may sound silly, but it is actually how I feel.
Some people might think it is because I am insecure and worry that she might ditch me for another man, but strangely perhaps, this is not a concern. MT likes women far more than men, there would objectively be much more chance of her ditching me for a female. I am also secure in the fact she loves me. I have spent most of my life being a hypocrite when it comes to relationships and sex with others, ie it was ok for me to do it but not them. As her slave I have no rights, I accept that.
My purpose is to serve her and make her happy and that is what I am committed to doing. I sometimes have to do or accept things I do not want or like, it goes with the territory. I realised many years ago that I have huge flaws as a person as well as my positive attributes and whilst I can try to be better with some things I just may never actually be able to do so on some things. I do not have to like MT having another male slave or her using other males for her pleasure , but I do have to accept it if and when she does and not allow my feelings to interfere with her happiness. If they just all happen to disappear it won't be my fault ;)
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