Hard To Swallow

Just couldn't resist the title. If you are going down you may as well go down properly.....

Sometimes I think I have been pushed as far as I can be, and then MT always pushes me even further. In the last couple of months I feel I have become more of a slave than I had been previously. I sort of feel like sometimes within my slavery I have been in complete darkness, then there have been moments of faint light and shadows, as time has passed there have been flashes of light, then either darkness or dim light.... The patches of darkness have become less common, and I have felt more 'illuminated'. Recently, mainly due to MT informing me she may choose to take sexual pleasure in other men, I suddenly realised I was truly owned. Last night it was like all the lights had come on at once, I realise now that I have moved into another level of my slavery.

At the bi swingers/ BDSM club I was filled with the usual trepidation. There was a varied mix of people, as usual more single males than couples, and that is always a very bad sign for me. During the course of the next 5 hours I underwent so many different experiences, feelings and emotions I can barely recount them all. I was made to separately suck four different men's cocks. I think it is important to clarify that I am most definitely not bisexually orientated, and under no circumstances would I ever do any bisexual acts at my own volition. Watching me perform acts so deeply contrary to my base orientation is something which gives MT a sadistic control kick which she loves. It also reinforces how owned I am in no uncertain terms, and that I no longer have any freedom of my own will. Of the four men, three of them were each seen separately in a private room with MT, and the other one in a public area. One of them spunked down my throat, which was particularly 'distasteful', not to mention extremely humiliating, and quite surprising as he just did it without any prior warning. Honestly some people's manners are appalling.

In the private room two of the men were allowed by MT to caress her and give her numerous orgasms with their fingers, and mouth on her ass, whilst I was forced to watch at the same time as sucking their cocks. I was given the almighty humiliation of her telling me to pull down her sexy panties onto her thighs so that they could could fondle her ass. Both of the guys had objectively fit bodies, but even I could tell that one of them was very good looking and had a very toned and muscled body and it was very clear MT found him very attractive, which made me feel even worse. Afterwards I was forced to thank them 'for pleasuring my woman'. I thought I was actually going to choke on the words even more than I choked on the cock of the guy MT liked (because of course the one she found hot had to have a fucking huge cock the bastard), but managed to utter them - probably not very convincingly though.

My next trial was being bent over a bench in a public area and being given a very harsh caning in front of a group of men. The caning was very painful and as usual I hollered and howled, just a tad embarrassing. One of the guys fondled my cheeks and poked his finger into my ass. My cheeks and thighs were very sore and bruised and still are.

Seeing MT use other men to humiliate me and for her sexual pleasure was the 'big thing' I had been dreading. When she first informed me of the possibility several months ago I felt devastated. I was jealous, I wanted to be the only male and hated the thought of it, I was also scared that it would ruin our relationship, even to the point of wondering if I could still love her. I know this probably sounds very illogical, selfish, childish and a myriad of other things, but quite frankly, the thought was driving me nuts. My base nature is that of an extremely jealous, possessive man. I realize that this may be seen by some as a flaw in a personality however, it has been a key part of who I am and how I have lived my life. This area is one that I've never compromised on before in any relationship. It additionally strikes very heavily at some of my baggage, where infidelity basically brought about the demise of my two marriages. I think this speaks volumes for my relationship with MT. I love her more than I loved any other women and pleasing her is more important that pleasing myself, albeit by pleasing her I've realized that it actually does please me. My being owned means much more to me than any marriage, and evidently more than my key driver of possessiveness and jealousy. It seems life really isn't about Me-Me-Me anymore.

We spoke about it, I read about it, I kept convincing myself I was a slave and this was part of it etc etc and little by little the realisation grew that there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. It was her right and it was my duty to be a good slave regardless of how it made me feel. Much easier said than done, but then aren't most things?



I was relieved I did not feel broken and damaged (this is a shining testament to the work she's systematically done over the years). I then realised not only did I feel even more love for her but the feeling I had never  felt as owned as I did then. I felt a sort of calmness, I had survived it, I had enjoyed seeing her taking her pleasure in my humiliation, and in the physical stimulation she had received and I felt privileged that I had been allowed to share this with her.

The drive home, one and a half hours, was quite tiring and painful due to my beaten rump. We only briefly discussed the events as I was driving and MT was sleepy. When we got home we fucked like rabbits and have spent the whole day reliving the night and fucking each others brains out. I have absolutely no regrets about MT teaching me my place, I needed this and she knew it. She ALWAYS knows what is right for me, her and us. It has been a very important part of my development, I feel very loved, so very enslaved and very happy and very relieved that I have crossed a line which I really thought was going to be insurmountable.

PS I would like to say a very special thank you to my fellow slaves who have posted their comments wishing to know the details of my demise, your solidarity is touching. You are true sadists, I applaud you as I throw you all under the bus.