Out with the old...

Wishing you all a very happy, healthy and prosperous New Year.

As always, apparently I have some new year resolutions, but I will not find out what they are until tomorrow when MT tells me. I wonder if I will get a new book? It's a very exciting prospect. I love my new books.... apparently.

Post Xmas

Have not been too well, hence the lack of posting. Starting to feel better, have had to stop one of my meds as I think it was responsible for the massive stomach problems I have been experiencing.

MT is feeling a bit better, she even caused me a lot of physical pain yesterday.......that was nice...NOT.

I was allowed a quick bike ride yesterday which was excellent, but it had to be a short ride as I am still under par. No more work until Tuesday , so I am looking forward to the break and a good rest. I hope to do nothing more than the usual things, serving MT and giving her sexual pleasure of course.

We have MT's best friend staying with us for a few days so that is nice.

I am looking forward (sort of) to getting back to full physical use and some humiliation, I feel I need to get back to where I belong as quickly as possible.

Merry Xmas

Merry Christmas everyone.

Hope you are all having a wonderful time. MT brought me some excellent motorbike gloves I have wanted for ages, and lots of other wonderful gifts. Included in the wonderful gifts was a leather wallet with the words 'Tight Arse' embossed upon it ............I think it is meant to be 'ironic'. MT also bought me several books, some CDs, stationary, lots of chocolate, specific toiletries I like and various other goodies.

We also had a lovely dinner and are planning to spend the rest of the day relaxing :)

MT seemed very pleased with the presents I got her, so along with my help in the kitchen and with various other things I think she considers that I've been a good slave today :)

Christmas Eve

The last couple of days have been a bit hectic. Work, Xmas preparations, MT not being well, me being unwell has made for an 'interesting' time.    

My mood has been a bit down again, I think it's the increase indose, double the dose was bound to have some side effects. Hopefully it will improve as I get more accustomed to them, the first couple of weeks when I started them was difficult to say the least. 

At least I was allowed to pleasure MT this morning which was really nice.  I have yet to wrap MT's presents, so that has to be done today, I hope she likes what I have got her.

The Xmas decorations at home are looking really nice, MT knows how to make the house look shiny. We celebrated Yule and MT cooked a really nice meal and there was cake and I was given a huge bar of chocolate and allowed to eat it.

I wish evryone a very happy Xmas and New Year, may all your dreams come true.

Best wishes N

The First Cut May Not be The deepest

Yesterdays embarrassing photo has received mega views on FL. I have to give MT her due, she does know how to humiliate people. Nicknames such as peacock boy and pixie peacock have been floated around.

It is always interesting to note that it is mainly the female slaves that enjoy my humiliation the most. I think there is a heavy portion of sadistic tendencies in some of them.You know who you are.

MT is not very well and has had to get steroids, despite her feeling really crap she did manage to re-carve my anniversary mark and drink a little blood. It seemed to perk her up a bit. I meanwhile, found it excruciatingly painful..........it had just sort of started to heal.

After the cutting and the drinking she then cleaned my cuts with something that stung like acid, I still do not know what she used but it hurt like hell.So much so that I actually screamed.

Peacock boy

Many of you will be aware from FL, that yesterday was, shall we say..........more than a little embarrassing. In between other thing MT quickly ordered me into the bedroom, told me to strip and get on my knees.

The Njoy was then inserted and then I could feel her fiddling with the handle. After a couple of minutes I heard the sound of the camera and was ordered to raise/ lower my arse for the photos.

Not long afterwards, MT told me to look at her latest photo on FL..........and of course it was my arse. Attached to the handle of the Njoy was a camp sparkly peacock feather Xmas decoration (which I had mocked) from the Xmas tree.

He left the photo off so I thoughtfully popped it up. No need to thank me - MT

Within a short while, my FL fed was smothered with comments regarding the sparkly peacock feather design dangling from between my cheeks.

I shall never mock MT again about her choice of Xmas decorations. They are all very stylish and she does a wonderful job of decorating her home.

Anniversary

The day finally arrived after much anticipation and trepidation. As usual, it was lovely to wake up next to MT but of course it was extra special today being as it was our 5th anniversary of her owning me.

Early this morning I was told to sit up in bed, I was anticipating some painful act, but instead was given a bow wrapped gift from MT. Inside the very nice box was a really lovely stainless steel bracelet. MT said that I am to wear it in place of my collar, when I am unable to wear my collar. It was a really nice surprise and I really like it a lot, it is something I would have chosen myself. And it's nice to have something to wear as a substitue collar as I would like to wear mine more often.

I then gave MT the bespoke anniversary card I had designed via Moonpig, it was of course of 'appropriate design' for the occasion ;) As is customary on our anniversary, I then presented her with my gift to her. The 'customary' part being, that I give her something she can inflict pain on me with.

This year, I chose something which she had previously expressed an interest in, a short synthetic cane. So I presented her with a short (60cm) 6 mm thick synthetic cane with a lambskin handle. I deliberately chose the thinner diameter as we have quite a few thicker canes and the thinner ones provide a greater sting, require less effort to wield and break my skin easier. Just the things she likes. I also gave her a voucher for money toward her planned driving lessons. This is kind of 'silly' as she could use the money anyway, but she keeps different budgets so it's effectively put some extra funds into that account (and under the present status of the funds I'm allowed to do that). Her driving plans are her main agenda at present that I know of. Though I'm quite sure that as usual she's up to a lot more of which I have no idea.....

After my doctor's appointment ( very useful, more medication including proper painkillers) it was time to start our day together at home. I was permitted the luxury of an iced Belgian bun filled with fresh cream, OMG it was the best one I have ever tasted. MT told me afterwards that it was 'before-care'. I cooked MT her poached eggs and made her Earl Grey tea as usual. Then it was off to the bedroom.

After a thorough inspection of her property and associated verbal report, which was favourable, but not without some directions for the future, it was time to be test her new toy.

After some very thorough 'testing' that went on for an extremely long time and covered a great deal of my body, and after much pillow biting, screaming and shouting, not to mention pleading, the synthetic cane was finally put to one side. The next item on Her agenda was 'marking' of the 5 years on my right hip.

The pain was almost unbelievable (she can do it less painfully but frequently elects not to), the overwriting was incredibly painful and at one point I would have given anything to have had it stopped.....but of course that is not an option. The mark is to become permanent, so this is sort of the initial cut. It will be re-opened as many times as required to form a permanent scar. MT of course enjoyed sucking at my blood, vigorously.  After she had finished she cuddled me and we both fell asleep.

It has been a wonderful day and it is not even 6-00 pm yet,so there is plenty of time left to enjoy the rest of the evening. I'm also very aware that MT has not finished with tormenting my body for the day, and she's usually much more intense at night time....

Being property is by far the hardest thing I have ever done, but it also happens to be the best thing I have ever done. At times I find it so difficult, but the rewards are sublime and I would not swap it for anything.

I love MT and I really love our relationship. It has it's ups and downs, but then life is like that, and there are always far more ups than downs. I am very fortunate to have found my place in life. I am Hers.

Waiting

Tomorrow is now very close and my nerves are growing. First the doctors then MT. Hmmmm wonder which will hurt the most ?

Had a very hard day at work, cold and too many hours. Tomorrow will no doubt not be very relaxing, although I suppose I will at least spend some of the time on the bed, just not sleeping on it.

Tonight I am making the most of sitting down comfortably..........may be the last time for several days.

Impending Anniversary

Traditionally our anniversary, the day MT collared me and officially made me her property, is a painful day. Of course it is also a wonderful celebration of our relationship. There is the bit though where MT reminds me that I am ' Hers To Do With As She Will'.

As most of you are aware, MT is a bit of a sadist and our anniversary is often a time for MT to revel in her 'art'. After MT collared me I was chained to a round table and given the soundest of beatings. I was left in no uncertainty about my status and after the beating I was mercilessly shafted by her and cut. I remember it as if it were only yesterday, mostly as I was bruised for over a month. She took me out to BDSM club the next night and people foolishly thought you couldn't possibly beat anyone on top of such bruising and cuts. Yeah, right.

So, whilst I am happy it is our 5th anniversary on Thursday, I am also trying to mentally prepare myself for the anticipated 'celebrations'. MT has taunted me a little with what may lie ahead. Surprise, surprise there is likely to be long and hard beatings of my body with a range of implements being used. Then when I am red and very sore and probably sniffling, I will be re-introduced to my least favourite item, the big black strap on.

The big black strap on is one of the hardest thing I have to endure and always breaks me down. I dread it and hate it. There is nothing that breaks me like this does. It feels like I am being split into two, I always tear and the pain lasts sometimes for weeks. I am allowed the privilege of lube though, but there is not enough lube in the world to make it bearable. It is huge and very hard.

Usually, after the sound beating and the fucking I am left feeling totally exhausted and totally used.

This 'reminder' has become a tradition, it is also a celebration of our relationship. In the evening we will celebrate in a more gentle fashion and hopefully, when we go to bed I will not be used again.

Gentle day

MT's health has taken a bit of a decline over the last few days. I am hoping she is not heading towards one of her bad periods. I meanwhile, am feeling not too bad, although I have felt a little more stressed over the last couple of days. I am not sure way, perhaps i have got too acclimatised to the anti anxiety pills. Anyhow, I will be seeing the doctor on Thursday for a review, maybe he will tweak my medication a bit.

I pleasured MT today, as usual ;) did some shopping and quite a few little chores around the house, it was a sort of gentle busy day. Back to work tomorrow, hopefully, the weather forecast is not good, but really could do with the money as Xmas is approaching so quickly.

Our 5 th anniversary draws ever closer and with each day I grow a little bit more nervous. Knowing pretty much what I am going to receive and the pain it will bring is such a powerful thing. It is very much one of those double edged sword moments.

Sex, Xmas and Decorations

Last night I was permitted to pleasure MT in bed, I still get amazed at how much I really enjoy this, especially as I have been doing if for over 5 years now. I find it sexy and submissive. I was not permitted an orgasm, but I did not mind, it was just really hot making her come over and over again.

Today has been a gentle one, a walk in the forest, a little bit of tidying our garden and the rest sitting around. I was allowed to watch some TT race footage which was nice. There was also the dreaded trip up into our loft to get the Xmas decorations down.

MT is currently in the process of decorating the tree. She makes and excellent job of it as well, the tree always looks amazing. It is the same tree we have had for 4 years, that MT bought when we moved in together. Getting it in and out of the house is tricky. I have never had an xmas tree wth roots before but MT is quite insistent that this is essential. It is not very high but quite wide at the base and when I pick it up I get spiked.

Somehow pain seems to follow me around. It makes a change for the pain not to have been caused by MT.

MT's 'understated' tree.

Getting Back

Due to having not been quite my usual self for a while, MT gave me a bit of a break, shall we say 'cut me some slack'. As previously mentioned in a previous post, we both decided that although it was perhaps necessary, it did have a downside. So, as also mentioned, some physical use has been happening again. This has helped me in quite a few ways.

It has given me something to focus on other than my own anxiety and depression. The pain, has helped as a relief valve for pent up tension (it always does, as does dishing it out, when I am allowed ). The physical re-focusing is working, medicine is often unpleasant ;).

I am now trying to start to focus more on the non-physical aspects and getting my head back into gear regarding trying to be a good piece of property and ensuring I try to be the slave MT wants me to be.

The physical stuff I find a little easier, it always seems as though there is no choice, of course there isn't.

But with the psychological stuff, it sometimes 'feels'less compulsory, although of course it is even more important than the physical stuff.

Many people opt for the occasional foray into bdsm, it is quite simple, quite easy really. A person goes to an event, if they mutually find someone to have some action with they do. There is the limit of time, of intensity, of boundaries and a host of other things. If they enjoyed it they can do it again, if not, they never have to. The choice is theirs, as and when, if and when they wish , with whoever they choose to do it with.

In O/p these choices do not exist. The BDSM element is a fraction of the big picture. I still find the hardest things being the requirement to ask for permission for things. The little simple things I have taken for granted as being a 'right'. Having to ask for alcohol, sweets, cake, to go on my bike etc etc, it would be quicker to list the things I can do without having to obtain permission.

Added to this is of course the need to respond to services, tasks for  your Owner whenever required to, day or night, 24/7, every week of every year.

It would no doubt sound like hell to many people outside of this type of dynamic. But I would feel lost without it and am so pleased i am getting closer to being back to where I was and just as importantly, to try and become an even better asset to MT.

Good day

It is 8-05 pm and I have yet to provide MT with sexual service today...........this is so rare.

We did, however, spend a nice day together, even though it involved getting some Xmas supermarket shopping. The supermarket shop is one of my least favourite activities.

I seem to suffer supermarket rage, especially when I queue up at a checkout for ages, then once I have committed my shopping to the conveyor belt they open another till..........Grrrrrrrrrrrr..... and then people get served who haven't waited at all. And I am still waiting even after the newly opened till has served 5 or 6 customers. See how well the anti anxiety pills are working ? Good job MT was there :)

I am also being allowed to watch the Isle of Man TT documentary on pay per view TV later tonight, that is a big treat.

It is our 5 th anniversary of our O/p relationship next week. I will post some details of previous 'celebrations' in a few days time. Suffice to say, it is often a painful celebration.

A Good Day

An early finish from work today and I am going to be allowed to watch live football on TV tonight.....the world is looking brighter.

Tonight's slave dinner is self cooked chicken stew, alas there will be no dumplings as the slave has put on a few pounds. Due to my moods, MT has not wanted me to worry about dieting, but I feel well enough to diet. I want to get rid of at least 7 pounds before Xmas, then I can put it back on again over the Xmas period and be the same weight as I am now.

The alternative ie of being another 7 pounds heavier than I am now after Xmas, is just too daunting as I know I will at some stage be ordered to remove the excess chub.So for now it's back onto low carbs, no bread, potatoes, rice or pasta to name just some of my core food items.It has been three days now and almost 3 pounds has been lost, so it is off to a good start.

On the negative side, MT has suddenly rekindled a pastime that  I really do not like, cock slapping, next will come the cock caning.......it's just not nice.

On the road.

OMG today was cold, work was freezing especially as I have to get special permission to wear underwear, it was rather chilly on the willy.

I have been feeling a little brighter over the last few days. MT and I had a long 'chat' which has helped a lot. Since our chat and my improvement MT has been able to be a bit bossier with me which has made me feel a bit more like being 'where I belong'.

MT had eased off a bit, but we both agreed this was a bit counter productive I think the pills have kicked in a bit and the dpressed feeling seems to be lifting a little.

Additionally, I have been undergoing some physical use of the 'pain' variety by MT. Whilst I actively dislike pain, it does seem to have a calming effect on me. This is rather unfortunate I feel,  as MT needs no encouragement to cause me pain.Now it will almost be like a prescription.

I have brought nearly all of MT's Xmas presents, I just hace a few odd little bits to get.

Love me Tender

The extra day off a week is helping with my tiredness and of course it means there is extra time for MT and I to be together. This in turn leads to more time for MT to amuse herself.

After a nice trip to Bury St Edmunds with a nice long coffe break (it was bloody cold today) it was back to the warmth of home.

After a late lunch I was ordered into the bedroom, told to strip and then made to lay face down on the bed. The 'threatened' gentle but long caning session became a reality. It was gentle compared to MT's usual offerings, but after such a long break it was bloody painful. All the wriggling around and twisting failed to put her off her aim.

Then came the immortal words ' spread your cheeks wide I am going to cane your fuckhole' . If you have been lucky enough to have never experienced this then you will not fully appreciate a) how painful it is and b) how humiliating it is and c) how it is virtually impossible to stop yourself from clenching your buttocks shut when the blow lands.

(Love from MT - it looks disappointingly light here, but t was lovely and red really)

So, I am sat here, rather uncomfortably, with a sore fuckhole from yesterday's strap-on, sore and bruised cheeks from caning and a bruised anus from caning. I might just stand up for a while after I have published this.

Progress

With the help of MT (of course) I am making a very conscious effort to try to get myself back to normal. MT has taken me out for a couple of relaxing walks in the forest, where it is very peaceful. We have also spent a bit more time relaxing together, which has been very nice.

We both think my depression has got worse since taking the anti anxiety medication, although my anxiety has improved. I am back to the doctors in 10 days time, so hopefully there may be an adjustment in the medication that might improve the depression aspect. It is positive though that I am not so stressed out......and better for everyone around me ;)

Whilst pleasuring MT this morning she gave me a choice, either go and get the strap on out or go to sleep. Now this presented me with a huge dilemma. On the one hand, I have not been used that way for a while and I know how much MT enjoys it. Because of this I wanted to please her, especially as things have been tense lately due to my anxiety. On the other hand, I knew it was going to be painful and that I would get thoroughly used and thus very sore.

Wishing to be a good slave I had no 'real' choice other than to go and get the strap-on out. Thus I was re-introduced to the joys of  a sore bottom, much to MT's delight.

It was good to be back where I belong and I am glad she used me like that, it was also nice of her to give me the option.

I am a toyboy

At the ripe old age of 55 years, life tends to not bring you too many 'new' experiences, but today I had a new one.

Whilst working for an exceptionally lovely couple, he is 95, she is 92, I was being my usual mischievous self. We often have a lot of banter as I work and she definitely wears the trousers in the house. I have had suspicions over my two years of working for them that there is a D/s dynamic at work, which I suspect, at one time was a physical one.

Having just made a cheeky remark, I passed the lady, who was seated in the hallway. As I walked past she gave me a sharp slap across my backside. To say I was shocked was an understatement. I turned around quite quickly and she had a huge smile on her face as did her husband.

She then said ' you're lucky not to get the cane' I replied ' Oh, now you really are teasing me'. She smiled even more and then said ' Ah, at last I have learnt what you like '.

Then we all just carried on as though nothing had happened.

I came home and told MT and she thought it was really funny.

So at 55 years old I had my backside slapped by a 92 year old lady, now that is a first for me.

My Vital statistics

Since starting this blog (Xmas 2010) I have had 45,402 page views.

The biggest readership is USA, followed by UK, Canada,Australia, Germany and Netherlands.

Other countries include :

Sweden, Denmark, Brazil, New Zealand, Japan, SaudiArabia,

Israel, Maldovia, India to name but a few.

I find it really surprising and nice to have such a diversity of people reading my blog..........have you all got nothing else better ro do ; I know you do because I read the blogs and other posts of quite a few of you. I know what you get up to, you lucky devils :)

I had an excellent nights sleep last night and am feeling marginally brighter today, which is nice. MT and I went for a nice walk in the forest and had a cuppa in the cafe.

Not doing much tonight, but I must confess I will be watching 'Glee' on TV. Yep there is no end to the self degradation that I will go to, this confession (I watch Glee) is compounded by the fact I also admit to watching 'Gossip Girl' and 'Terra Nova'. although I think the latter shows I have alittle bit of masculinity left inside me.

So now I have humiliated myself with my TV confessions I shall go and hang my head in shame and stand in a corner in a darkened room.

MT has insisted it is publicly declared that she is not a fan of Glee or Terra Nova, but does like Gossip Girl.

Thank to all for reading my blog, wherever you are in the world.

It's All About ME Me Me

I finally got round to posting again.

There were several reasons why I have not blogged over the last few days.

Firstly, to be honest, I just didn't feel like doing it, how's that for honesty.............  I felt like I just wanted to be quiet and be in my own little world. I know that sounds a bit fucked up, but it is the best way I can describe it.

Secondly, I am still feeling a bit low, the pills have helped quite a lot but generally I just feel pretty crap atm.

Thirdly, not much has happened to talk about, yes I know, that does not usually stop me ;).

Work has been surprisingly busy, the buggers keep giving me work to do, what's that all about ? Anyone would think I was trying to earn money or something.

The sleeping pills have been an improvement but tonight I must reduce down to half a pill instead of a whole one, I actually feel that tired I am hoping I will be able to sleep without any soon.

MT is feeling unwell, her usual downturn after taking her weekly meds, hopefully she will start improving as from tomorrow.

I have been trying to work out why I feel so down. For those that also suffer such periods of depression/stress etc I am sure there are others who will be like me and just not be able to identify any 'one' particular reason.

No doubt it is a combination of things, some I have considered and perhaps others I haven't a clue about.

I know I love my Owner and my family very much. I know that me being like this makes me and everyone around me unhappy. I know I do not want to feel like this. I know it will pass, it always does.

I also know it will only change when it has run it's course. There is no magic cure. Of course some serious retail therapy, a new bike or bits for my bike, continuous rampant sex (Oh I already get that), some serious hard play and lashings of humiliation, a mega holiday, retirement  etc etc all might momentarily quell the doldrums but this is an internal thing and things of the mind, even a simple little one like mine :) can take time to get back into the right mode.

I know this has probably been a very uplifting, fun to read blog  NOT.... but why shouldn't everyone else feel like crap as well ? only joking of course.

At least I still have my sense of humour, abeit a rather strange one. Take care all.

DIY, Beef and Sex

Happy Thanksgiving to all who are celebrating it today, hope you are all having fun.

Special thanks to Vixen for the 'hand turkey' sounds kinda dirty doesn't it ? I had a 'hand turkey' haha 

The erection is nearly complete.......the metal shed that is :) It is all done apart from some minor little bits, too damp to apply the floor sealant today so that was pesky.

Went to the DIY store and then did the dreaded supermarket shop....but Irish beef joints were half price so I asked MT if I could stock up a little. Thankfully she said yes and so I brought £40 worth which obviously would have cost £80....bargain. I have cut them into normal size joints and I will get 12 meals from them.It is times like this that I really love the fact I am the only carnivore in the house ;)

I cooked myself chicken and coriander curry with basmati rice tonight, accompanied by natural yoghurt and mago chutney. It would have been even better with a glass of wine but a) I have to get approval for alcohol and b) atm I can't drink because of the meds and I might be on the at Chrismas as well.........damn.

MT has not been feeling too great the last two days because of her meds, so I have escaped any hard use. I shall of course no doubt be providing sexual services to my darling Owner tonight............hopefully I shall be allowed an orgasm soon........hint hint.............yeah all chance of one has probably gone now.

Work and weather

I am feeling a bit better now that I am getting more sleep, although I am starting to wake earlier each day, now I seem to be quite awake by 6 am, then drop off again. During the day, usually around lunch time  I am still feeling incredibly tired most days.

Working outside in the frost this morning was a firm reminder of the winter work regime ahead of me. Even with the reduced work schedule, working outside for even half a week is quite daunting. I had 'almost' forgotten how cold I can feel even though I am working quite vigorously. Fortunately, in one respect, I had to cancel one job due to the weather, so I managed an extra hour with MT which was great.

When I was a firefighter I had to work outside in all sorts of unpleasant weather. The extremes of hot and cold are both equally onerous under the wrong conditions. I remember one winter night when I could not move my arms because my wet fire tunic had become frozen whilst I was holding a fire hose for several hours in pretty much the same position. On the other end of the scale, I remember other occasions where I was treated for dehydration and heat stress, to varying degrees of seriousness. There must have been many times when the weather was not extreme, but I guess we tend to remember extremes more than normalities.

As I rose through the rank structure in the fire service my operational contact became less and less. More of my time was spent in offices and meetings in warm rooms in the winter or cool rooms in the summer. I never forgot what it was like to work in those adverse conditions and strangely often felt a sense of loss over my comfortable environment.

I suppose in some ways I have often preferred less comfortable, more difficult things than comfier and easier options. To be 'comfortable' is of course great, but for me, having some discomfort provides more of a challenge and ultimately feels more rewarding.

I wonder if this has any relevance to becoming a slave?

Less to worry about as a slave.

I thought it might be fun to do a short list of things I do not have to worry too much about because I am property. and therefore have no final say over. The list is in no particular order -

What hair style to have.
What clothes to buy.
What clothes to wear.
What time to go to bed.
What time to go to sleep.
What time to get up.
What to waste my money on.
What I am going to do.
What I should or should not do.
When I will have sex.
Who I will have sex with.
How I will have sex.
How long sex will last.
Scheduling my time.
Where to go on holiday.
Deciding whether to go on a diet or not.
Deciding whether to have a beard or moustach.
How much I can spend on my bike.
Constantly changing my bike.
What underwear to wear, as I am not allowed any, except for special occasions.


Life is just so much simpler............apart from when I want my own way.

Being a bitch boy

In many ways there are ways in which being a slave is the same or very similar, regardless of the gender of either the slave or Owner.

From a physical perspective, there is one area where I feel perhaps a little more 'vulnerable' being a male slave with a female Owner.
This is a sensitive area for me........in more ways than one and it relates to being used by my Owner with her strap on and here is my reasoning;

• Her cock is always ready for action, any time, any place, anywhere.

• There is no need for her to be aroused to fuck me.

• She can attach virtually any size cock to her belt that she wishes, thus being able to vary the length as well as the girth (unfortunately) and this is a big one for me....usually just too big.

• Her cock never goes limp, she can orgasm and just carry on like nothing has happened. I know some men can do this but there is usually a limit. MT has no limit.
  

• Her cock never gets sore or bruised or damaged to interfere with it's use. She can be as rough as she likes free of personal consequence.

• Because it is synthetic there is hardly any give in it, thus the only thing that is going to yield is my arse.

• MT has a huge sexual appetite and is a vigorous lover and can virtually orgasm all day and night. Obviously this has an impact on my arse.

• When she has finished she often goes to sleep with me still impaled on her cock. This state of affairs then remains until she removes it, if she falls asleep I'm left helplessly mounted.....

On the plus side, there is no spunk to have to deal with, so that is one positive.

Sex slave, shed builder.

So far so good with the medication, sleeping pills are working although I have woken early in the morning but I can live with that. The anti anxiety pills ( I think it's them rather than the sleeping pills) are making me feel a little light headed and spaced... the spaced bit is good :) I am finding it quite hard to focus on stuff though, so I might talk even more crap than usual :).

Last night I performed my pleasuring of MT duty before quickly dropping off to sleep. This morning on waking, I performed more pleasuring duties, I am so spoilt.

Then I started putting our new metal shed together, with the help of MT, who mainly provided intellectual input. Her help was invaluable, she is such a smart cookie. She was able to work out how the bloody thing futted together.

Like many self assembly items, the instructions were a fucking joke, along with the illustrations. It would seem impossible to envisage how a small shed, 1m by 2 m could take so much time and effort. After 5 hours the base, walls and roof are completed. All that remains tomorrow is to fit the door frame, construct the door and fit it.. that will probably take another 5 hours Grrrrrrrrr.

Maybe this wasn't the best time to build the shed due to the stress, but we desperately need the storage space.Thank heavens for the pills ;)

This afternoon was, however, nice and relaxing. Guess what? I was allowed to pleasure MT again, she really does keep me busy. I am also lucky as I have my favourite, roast beef for dinner, with mashed potatoe and garden peas and thick gravy... fuck the diet.

Tomorrow we have the day together with only one chore that is imperative, the food shop. I am looking forward to some time with my Owner and I might even get to pleasure her some more.

PS Cut my hands a bit on shed sections, pleasuring MT is now painful, she is such an accomplished sadist.

Sleepy slave

Well the sleeping tablet worked. I was very tired anyway, but 30 minutes after I had taken it I went to bed and do not remember anything else. MT hasn't confessed to doing anything to me when I was out for the count, so I guess I was let off the hook. I think she was just glad to see me fast asleep and also it was good for her as I know I keep her awake sometimes.

Getting up for work was not so easy though, but I am only using the pills in the short term to try and get fit and back into the rythmn of sleep.

It is nice to be used by MT again. At lunch time though I got a quick spanking with the paddle as I popped into bed for a quick snuggle with MT and still had my socks on. My plea for leniency as I only had a short time to snuggle was unfortunately not sufficient reason (apparently) and buttocks were paddled. Fortunately, I had to get up soon afterwards otherwise I am sure 'other' nasty things might have happened.

I am still recovering from yesterdays activities.Sore would be an understatement, as would uncomfortable.

When MT strikes she strikes with passion, enthusiasm and vigour and she has the stamina of a team of adolescence boys.( this is of course a simile as I have no personal experience of  adolescent boys).I state this as I know what some particular readers are like ;) and just want to waylay any pervy comments on that score.

Medicine MT style

The much awaited doctor's appointment arrived today. Cutting a long story short, I am to stop taking the dreadful strong painkillers that make me ill, stay on the anti inflamatory ones, and now have mild anti anxiety tablets (no surprise there then) and some sleeping tablets for short term use because he says a lot of the issue is down to the perpetual lack of sleep owing to the pain in my knee. MT said it was good of the doctor to prescribe knockout rape drugs for her use.......and for only the cost of the prescription. Was this supposed to help with my anxiety ? Let me meditate on that.

This was also exactly what MT was hoping for from the consultation, so I'm not surprised. 

Once back home MT suggested a nice snuggle and relax in bed. Like the proverbial 'lamb to the slaughter' I got into bed, closely followed by wily MT. There was a snuggle, then a command to pleasure her.

Then I was instructed to find and put on the dreaded peach panties. I tried the old ' Oh I am not sure where they are'  routine, but of course it was just going through the delaying tactic motions that I knew would be useless.

So clad in peach panties....sorry no pics hehe, I was told to get across MT's knee and then I was spanked. As I lay over her knee taking my spanking without too much fuss I just knew what would follow. Sure enough, after about ten minutes MT went and fitted the strap on belt and I was ordered onto my side. She would have preferred to have me up on my knees but the poor left knee just will not bend at present without intolerable pain.

My panties were pulled down onto my thighs and I felt the wave of humiliation. So many times in my past have I done this to girls and now I am the one on the receiving end, it really is a fucking liberty. With my panties down and my cheeks parted all I could do was wait for the inevitable painful penetration. MT was gentle but forceful and all I could do was try and relax and take it......just like a 'wife' as she again told me.

There were of course numerous taunts by MT, I shall not bore you with the details (you will have to use your imagination). And of course I yelled and kicked as per normal. I was then teased over onto my stomach still impaled by MT and then given a thorough rough arse raping. After several orgasms (MT's of course) she finally finished with me. I was left bruised and very sore.

After a short rest it was time to go and do the supermarket shop.

Tackling problems.

A busy day at work..........no change there then.

Tomorrow MT is taking me to see the Doctor, feels a little like returning to my childhood.

We are going to see if there is anything they can do to assist with my mood swings and help with my pain in my knee. The pain is keeping me awake at nights and hence causing me to not get much sleep.It is also likely the anti-inflamatories/pain kilers I am on are adding to my problems, side effects include depression, tiredness, malaise etc etc.interestingly, they should not be given to people with asthma as they cause breathing problems.....and of course I have asthma, so perhaps I should not be on them in the first place.

The new work schedule is working from a practical perspective, whether it helps with the overall plan to give me less to do and provide more relaxation time has not had sufficient time to be tested.

Changing the subject completely, I received a spam email today from a company who had a special offer on a giant alumininium butt plugs by MEO.................perhaps my blog has travelled further than I thought.

I hope the Doctor does not want to look at my anus.....it is still recovering from MT's last onslaught.

Contradictions

Last night, I managed to escape any further use, MT was tired and so was I, so the only 'action' was sleep and my rump was given a well deserved rest.I have a feeling that MT was up for it but could see I was too tired, not that my tiredness saves me sometimes.

This 'slave' thing is quite a strange position to be in. On one hand I yearn for the physical use and on the other hand I am grateful for escaping such use. I want it yet, do not want it simultaneously, how strange that feels to me is something I guess I may never get used to.

In some ways I suppose it is part of what keeps everything alive and fresh. The never knowing what is going to happen next and being excited by that uncertainty and yet at the same time wanting to know what is about to happen or not happen as the case may be keeps me on my toes. I always feel aware of my vulnerability.

Then there is the strong desire to serve  and to please your Owner which on occasions is sometimes countered by the opposing internal 'self preservation' instincts.This is particularly the case when MT decides to physically use me very hard. My mind and body cries out for it to stop yet there is another part inside which says 'take it, please her, it doesn't matter about the pain , just take it'.

For me, in many ways slavery seems full of contradictions. Sometimes I crave the right to do as I please and yet when I am in that position I do not want it and crave the control. Sometimes fleeting thoughts of ' if she really loved me she wouldn't hurt me this much ' is countered by ' she hasn't hurt me for a long time I wonder if she still loves me ? '.

It is all so complex, so fluid , so puzzling, yet so fulfilling.

Bitch and Beach

What can I say.....it has been a busy 24 hrs. As can be seen by MT's input on here, she went on a little photo posting mission. My backside being the target, I think the photos reminded her to use it some more.

Thanks to those who made supportive comments about how spankable it looks, MT does not need that type of encouragement ;)

Bedtime was, shall we say, interesting. While pleasuring MT she suddenly decided to cane my anus. There was no warning about this dreaded activity, the thought obviously just occurred to her, probably because I admitted I was sore from the plug, and next thing I knew I was holding my cheeks apart while she delivered many hard strokes with the thin, stingy cane on 'her fuckhole'. I tried to stay in position but was 'dancing around' on the bed. MT said not to worry, any strokes that missed her desired target would not be counted. Apparently she has decided I am in need of anal discipline at present.

Then, not for the first time, MT made reference to 'treating me as her wife'. At great length, and in some fine detail she spent a long time explaining to me how I would be used if I was given the privilege of being allowed to be her 'wife'. Those who read this blog will no doubt of gathered that I am not, shall we say, a particularly stereotypical slave (although I am not totally sure what a 'stereotypical slave' would actually be in real life).

So being told about possible 'wife status', is shall we say, more than just a tad humiliating. Whilst this was occurring I was providing stimulus to MT's rather aroused clit, it was kinda scary just how wet this talk was making her. After some time, I was told 'get on your back bitch', so onto my back I went and MT used her 'wife' until she was satisfied.

She then rolled off, turned over and went to sleep......I am led to believe, as a wife, I should get used to this behaviour, ie being used and left wanting. I am sure some who read this blog may have some sympathy for my predicament.

This morning I was unceremoniously woken by the immortal words 'get on your front bitch', still half asleep I rolled over onto my tummy. I knew what the next instruction was  going to be, 'spread your thighs and stick your bottom up'. At least I was given lube before being given a very vigorous fucking with the hard long red dildo. It really is solid and and not only bruises but also causes friction burns. I got up with a very sore and very used bottom. How 'wifely'.

Then, we had a lovely trip to Blakeney.  It was great to have some nice relaxing time together as we have had a very stressful time lately. Time together to relax, unwind, and take in the scenery was very much appreciated and made a welcome change. We had some nice food, walked a long way, and MT took a few photos with her new camera.

Perhaps one day, as a lowly slave, I can aspire to this as my luxury yacht. Even slaves can dream.....

Blakeney is one of MT's favourite places. This will no doubt mystify my Antipodean readers in particular, who may not recognise this as the coast. And indeed it was extremely cold. But us Brits are made of stern stuff.

Tempting waters...

Glorious sands....

This is typical Blakeney 'beach' attire;

Fuck, I'm sexy in my beachwear

Hopefully the long walk in the Blakeney cold will have tired MT out a little and she will be fast asleep as soon as her pretty head hits the pillow........Hmmmmmm not gonna put too much money on that one.

Because I can

......And when he saw yesterdays he nearly choked on his pancakes. It was really funny

Again I say, he's so cute when he's sleeping.

Catch up

Firstly, my apologies for yesterday's pic, I hope you had all eaten before viewing. I just logged on & found it much to my surprise. MT informs me she  decided to do this as 'she didn't see why my loyal readership should waste their effort just because I was being a huffy little bitch and not posted on my blog for a few days'.

Second apology for lack of blog posts lately, I am just such a bad boy ;) I have been too tired, too stressed and in too much pain. And ok, too stroppy.

Boring bits : MT has decided enough is enough and has made an appointment for me to see the Doctor next Thursday, she will accompany me. Just to make sure everything is covered ie pain from my knee, my volatile moodiness recently, and my continuous tiredness.

After pleas from others as well as myself MT has graciously stopped playing 'Florence and the Mechanics' quite so constantly. Thank fuck. Who gives a fuck what the water gave you?

Last Night : bedtime, told to lay on tummy, Njoy unceremoniously inserted by MT, told to roll over and bring off owner. Job done, MT went to sleep first, thus I could not ask if I could remove plug, therefore went to sleep with plug firmly fitted as I did not want to risk MT's wrath by removing it without permission. Groan.

Today : Laid a base for a new metal shed, which MT insisted we purchase as I have taken over the lean to with my tools. I was then allowed a nice ride out on the bike which was shorter than I wanted because knee was painful and it was a wee bit chilly......and the roads were damp/wet so had to go slower than I like to...damn.

MT took me to bedroom this afternoon, the dreaded plug was fitted again and is still in, nice and uncomfortable as I am sitting down writing this......yes thanks for the sympathy, I can just hear it all...NOT..

I was instructed to pleasure MT to orgasm, then told to lay on my back while she used her dildo to bring herself off some more while she slapped me. Or as she put it 'lie there on your stuffed little arse while I wank myself on my dildo, bitch'. And they say romance is dead.

Then it was time for dinner, I was permitted a glass of wine and MT made me her scrummy pancakes :)

Tomorrow, now here's the thing. I have offered to take MT to one of her favourite places, Blakeney Point in Norfolk. BUT.......... MT has said  that as much as she wants to go to Blakeney, she also thinks it might be beneficial for me if we stay home all day and she 'tortures' me to remind me of my place and to make my rear very stretched and sore, there has been threats of the dreaded scalding.

Strangely enough, I have been trying to steer her towards the trip to Blakeney Point, fuck knows why :)

Hush, hush



He looks so cute when he's sleeping - don't you think?
~ Posted by MT



Torture

I am being mercilessly tortured by MT and have been for three days in a row now.

MT is relentlessly and without mercy, constantly playing her latest CD..........'Ceremonials' by Florence and the Machine and in particular, the track 'What the water Gave Me'. WTF?

It is pure hell, I just wish I had a safe word.

In revenge I keep referring to the artist as 'Florence and the Mechanics'.

I complained of brainwashing, but she invokes Ownerly privilege and also replied that 'it is revenge for my constant chatter about motorbikes and me watching TV programmes that drive her crazy.'

I knew there would be a downside to the reduced working hours...........more torture time available for MT to amuse herself with.

Being difficult

The new work schedule is well underway and already I am feeling a little less stressed and a little less tired.

Due to my recent behaviour, I am still not flavour of the month, but that is only to be expected. I have never had too much time for people who do not accept that there are usually consequences to their actions or behaviours.

The old adage ' If you can't do the time, don't do the crime' seem relevant to me. In the fire service I used to know all of the rules, but chose to bend some and break others. I always knew what I was doing and I also knew ( if I got caught or challenged ) that there would be consequences. Thus it was up to me to either tow the line or suffer the consequences. There were very few times I towed the line on issues that were important to me.

Diplomacy and tact have never been very used tools in my toolbox, of course I have known I should use them sometimes and that they would probably be the best method of getting close to what I wanted to achieve, but somehow, that type of approach seemed too antithetical to my core being.

There have been odd occasions in my life when I have bit my tongue and not said what I truly felt, and afterwards I have regretted it so much that I have seldom repeated the experience. It drove me crazy, feeling like I had taken the easy way out, almost like I had been a coward, silly, but that is how it made me feel.I felt like I had betrayed myself, I had been untrue.

Of course, there is a difference between knowing right from wrong and a difference when people do not know what they are doing. Often people have criticised me more than they would others, because I have known what the expected 'right thing to do ' was , but actively chose to take the opposite or an alternative path.

I suppose many of my traits are somewhat antithetical to O/p, but somehow I find a sense of belonging in our O/p relationship and a sense of safety and overall contentment. It is a rocky road and often an uncomfortable journey, but it is also fulfilling.

I have often thought that the most precious things are those that are the hardest to attain.

Imperfect slave

A big thank you to everyone who made lovely comments about my blog, it really is appreciated.

I think many people would imagine that this lifestyle is very different to what it actually is. It is funny how it all seems to just 'be'. Of course each of our dynamics are unique.

The 'normal' things that happen in a person's life all continue to occur, bills, work, sickness, birthdays, deaths, stress, strain, accidents, too much to do and too little time to do it in etc etc.

Unfortunately, (in this house) there are other 'normal' things that happen just like in some other types of relationships. Things such as, getting miffed with the other person every now and again, disagreements on things, views of injustice, being hard done by, not being understood, not getting what you wanted, feeling overworked, undervalued etc.

The matters in the previous paragraph should not 'technically' occur in an O/p relationship, it could be argued that in an O/p relationship that such behaviour from the property is totally unacceptable. Some might say that such behaviour should lead to their demise as property and 'technically' one might agree.

Of course, everyone is entitled to their opinions on this aspect. My view is relatively simple, I am a human being, I have feelings, emotions and behavioral patterns. I have a core personality and I have a response mechanism triggered by many things, one of which is my reaction to events/circumstances. I am far from being a perfect human in so may ways.

Thus as a human, I will often fuck up, I will get moody, snarky and even hostile. I will sometimes act in virtually the opposite way as to how a property should act. In my opinion this does not exclude me from being property, it may mean I am a badly behaved piece of property but I am still property.

I have a vested interest in my opinion and I fully understand that most people, including MT sometimes would see this as being unacceptable and 'technically' I agree. But I have always been a person more interested in the practicality of situations rather than the theoretical standpoint.

Controversially, I also think that sometimes Owners do not make the best decisions and are sometimes prone to make mistakes and that is also fine, because, contrary to some people's views, they are also human and thus also prone to human frailty. This paragraph may cause Internet mayhem and calls of bad slave from across the globe, there may even be a contract put out :).

I am not making excuses for why sometimes I am not a good slave or sometimes why I act nothing like a slave should, I am just trying to explain why I am sometimes like I am. I know it is wrong to behave like that, I apologise for my behaviour afterwards and I am always very sorry for my actions (even when I have felt I have been in the right). But I do think it is 'normal' and though it is not technically acceptable behaviour I do think it is something that should be expected sometimes. Of course if it happens frequently enough then that is perhaps a different matter.

Even during the roughest times with MT, I still always feel like her property (I know MT will nearly choke on that) but it is how I feel. I can shout and holler and feel like everything is wrong, but it does not make me want to not be her property anymore, it just means I am pissed off at that moment and I am crap at holding it in.

It is something I would love to be able to change about me, especially as it really upsets and annoys her. It also upsets and annoys me, but somehow it just happens.

So I am genuinely sorry for the times I piss off and/or upset my Owner, but being sorry is not enough really, because you can only have so many sorries in any type of relationship. So I shall have to persevere and try to behave better, but it is so hard when I feel aggrieved by something.....cos I am always right ;)

Another quiet day

I just want to clarify that when I said on yesterday's blog I was on my third book, I meant third book of the week, not third book ever. Even I don't read that slowly.

Another quiet day, only a couple of hours work this morning and the rest of the day spent relaxing, apart from a little house cleaning.

Having lived on my own a few times I am quite lucky that the domestic stuff comes quite easy for me. I have also been lucky to have some good cooks to teach me the necessary culinary skills.

MT's back is better, not right, but better, so that is good, back's can be so tricky and painful.

It is really great having so many female followers on my blog. I have been quite surprised by it. I know a few, who particularly like to read about me getting a hard time :) so posts like this one must be rather boring.

I am going to make a conscious effort to read a few more of other people's blogs, I read a few of the 'followers' to my blog and really enjoy them.

Quiet time

It has been a fairly quiet time here over the last few days. MT hurt her back while sitting down having a coffee, well those cups can be quite heavy. Joking aside, her back went into spasm whilst she was in a cafe and I had to go and pick her up.

Meanwhile, I have been busy doing all the usual things like work, housework, shopping and some cooking. I have also continued my reading frenzy, now on my third book which is ' The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo' by Stieg Larsson. So far I am enjoying it, it was a slow start but is building up nicely.

Reading is a great way for me to relax.

The weather was crap today, loads of rain, so I got quite wet which was not much fun. Next up is book reading followed by a film on tv, life can be so taxing sometimes.

MT mean on Halloween

Both us us are still feeling unwell today, but MT seems a bit better than I am. So when she said this afternoon that she was going for a little lay down in the bedroom I very eagerly joined her.

It was really nice to have a lie down, albeit I sometimes feel better when I am vertical with this stupid virus. After a very short while I started to touch MT and ended up giving her an orgasm with my fingers. I was then told to turn over onto my stomach. At this point, all sense of 'it will be safe in bed as MT does not feel well went flying out through the window'.

She promptly pulled my shorts down and off, then I could hear her opening the silver box of toys. A few seconds later the thud of the wooden paddle could be heard at precisely the same time a a very painful stinging on my buttocks could be felt. I heard MT make her sort of 'groan' which means she is enjoying inflicting the pain and I knew I was in for a good tanning. It was a firm thrashing and I hate the wooden paddle, it has holes in it and this seems to make it sting more somehow.

One of the worse things about it was that when I howled it hurt my throat and chest, so I couldn't even holler out to relieve the pain a bit like I usually do. I could feel the swelling coming up, particularly on my left buttock which seemed to be getting extra attention. I could also feel the heat building up and this is a bad sign as MT loves to fuck bruised and hot cheeks.

So after she had stopped and I had thanked her, as is the protocol in our house, I was told I was well enough to have my arse used. It's hard saying a word which is opposite to the one your brain is screaming out at you to say. but I managed to utter something vaguely polite.

So for roughly an hour MT gave me a thorough fucking in my bruised, sore rear. There were many references to me being her bum boy and other such derogatory remarks which is pretty much normal.

What was not so normal, was my inability to scream and holler as per usual. The dreaded virus stopped me from being vocal; and all I could manage was pathetic little whimpering and choking which brought out even more piss taking from her. Adding to my humiliation was the fact that she also eventually managed to make me stiff. This is something that never used to occur, but MT, over the years has trained me to get an erection when she fucks me and this completely humiliates me and she just loves to make use of this while coming up my arse. I lost count of how many orgasms she had, but it was quite a few.

So now I have a sore throat, sore chest, sore buttocks and a sore anus........time to get some more painkillers down me I think.

Unwell Owner with an unwell slave.

Unfortunately, MT and I both seem to have a virus and we are both feeling crap. Sore throats, chesty and high temperature all combined with extreme tiredness and exhaustion. It is excellent timing, as yesterday, today and tomorrow we have time we could spend together with no work or other commitments.

We are both still mobile but had to go to the supermarket today and that was just too much. Keeping going when you have to though is what everyone has to do, we really could do with another slave....a healthy one.

I have managed to do some pleasure reading today though, which is nice. It is one of the few things I am permitted to do without having to ask MT for approval. In fact, she actively encourages it and sources me some excellent books to read. I have just started reading 'The Vagrants' by Yiyun Li, I particularly like it because it is set in China which is probably my favourite country I have visited.

It was one of those places I had wanted to visit for many years and I was so pleased that unusually,, the reality far outweighed my expectations.I spent a frenetic three and a half weeks touring by air, train, boat and road, it was incredible. I didn't manage to meet any obvious Chinese owners or property though.

Slave reviewing Owner

I often ponder things regarding my status as property, I still have this 'How the fuck did I get here' question that reverberates around my head every now and again. Unfortunately, the answer is nowhere to be found inside my head.

There are some things about it though that I do understand, not the 'how' part but more to do with why it was MT and not someone else. Timing was a factor, right time right place sort of thing, it was an element but not the main one.

MT has many attributes and I shan't bore you all by by listing all of them (there are more than two, I think.......just joking M). One of her most significant ones that was perhaps vital for me was the fact that I respect her.

Respect has not been something I have shown very much to people over the years. Probably due in part to my egotistical nature, combined with some internal driver that makes me feel more comfortable not being part of the crowd and having no desire to fit in with anything or anyone. Respect is something I have only had for less than a handful of people. Please don't get me wrong, there are many people who I may have respect for what they have done/achieved/contributed etc but not respect that I feel on a personal/relationship type level. I hope that makes sense.

MT is so different from me in many ways, we have some similarities but she is fundamentally a different creature than me. I think we are both intelligent, yet she uses her intelligence differently to me and in a more positive way. She is able to adapt to change quite quickly without too much fuss or drama and to keep focused more on the bigger picture.

I am very much a 'at the moment' type and if I am pissed off about something I will have little or no regard for the bigger picture. I respect the fact she can maintain her focus. Perhaps the biggest thing I respect about her is that she has been able to keep me on my toes and pretty much in check for five years.

That may not seem much to someone who does not know me, but I have been more than a bit too 'tricky' for most people to deal with. I really respect her for this, as well as her massive amount of patience, which I think I have 'nearly exhausted on several occasions. She is a fighter, tough and ruthless if necessary, yet very feminine, sexy and fun.........she really is alright ;)

This slave's book.

Not long after MT and I got together (when she kept me at home all day, before I was working) I was issued with a little book. Inside the little book was  a set of instructions for the day. These were specific things I was to do, things such as pedicure MT's feet, put up shelving, provide a massage, take MT out, wear a plug, perform various domestic duties, give oral sex, abide by certain restrictions etc. Each day MT would write the new day's task on a new page and mark them off at the end of the day.

I have to admit, sometimes the list looked a little daunting and sometimes I did not complete all of the tasks......and sometimes I was punished for my failings (quite rightly of course).

When when we started our little business, the little book fell by the wayside, basically, because I was too busy to provide all the 'extras'. Today I have been issued with another book, but this one is bigger. So far this book just has a few pages in it entitled 'Things I like you doing'. At the moment there are twenty one items listed.

MT said the list will grow, but I must focus on achieving the things that make her happy, ie the items in the book. Apparently, she briefly considered giving me the book with a list of things she does not like me to do, but as per her preference decided to give me 'positive' things to do. I rather think this was a diplomatic way of saying the list of things she doesn't like me to do would be far too long to write out.

The issue of the book now is of course no coincidence, I am shortly to embark on the reduced work schedule and MT is obviously marking out her stall early ....and I thought I might get a rest :) So far this is a very different approach and I think it is something of a refocusing exercise, including going back to basics.

I was permitted to caress and stroke MT this afternoon, and in the course of sexually pleasuring her I was also allowed to give her oral sex as well as anal sex. It is such hard work being a slave sometimes, but someone's gotta do it..........sighs.

Changing

Only a few days to go before my new work schedule starts and the much awaited drop in hours. I can't wait.

It will free up more time to be with MT. This will lead to me being able to look after her more when she is feeling unwell and for me to give her better service in other areas, including the sexual side and feeding her sadistic needs as well no doubt. Plus I will have more time to do the household chores and decorate/garden etc.

The last two years have been hectic, with not enough time spent together, albeit, we probably spend more time together than a lot of couples.

I think we both need to have our time together and I definitely need a break from work.

Of course, when I am out working I am still serving her, but I much prefer it when I am actually with her, even though it can be 'painful' sometimes

I really miss her when we are apart and this is something which has hitherto been alien to me. Prior to MT I used to love my own time alone, I used to really look forward to it. I am not a person who needs to live with someone, I can be totally self sufficient, I just chose to not live alone sometimes.

Since becoming property though I have felt the 'need' to be with MT, and long to be with her more and spend less time apart, a strange change for me and totally different from the past.

Going down

Last night I was permitted to thoroughly ravish MT and was allowed some of the sexual 'past life toppy stuff' . Not being a person to miss such an opportunity I threw myself into it with a passion. Being a modest person (yeah right) even I have to admit 'I was good' and MT was fucking awesome. I went to bed a very contented slave with a bit of a swagger.MT drifted off curled up like a glowy exhausted kitten. She looks exquisite when she's well fucked with her hair all wild and her face flushed.  

I awoke this morning and gave MT the usual hug and kiss on waking. MT smiled sweetly with her hair still tousled and purred ' Go and fetch the plug and then you can put your arse up baby'. The phrase 'tomorrow is another day' is a bit of a fucking understatement in this house.

The njoy was duly fetched, my arse was duly raised and the njoy duly inserted. I had forgotten how big and uncomfortable it is. I was then ordered to lay on my back and masturbate until I 'messed myself' (MT's pleasant term for me orgasming during masturbation). I hate this but with some 'prompting' it did not take long for me to humiliate myself for her entertainment. Groan. It really hurt as soon as I'd come, but I was not allowed to remove it until I had been dispatched to make MT's tea.

MT always enjoys bringing me up then crashing me down again. It amuses her no end.

Being put back in my place occurred much quicker than I had expected. I spent the day with the old 'discomfort' feeling in my rear - nothing like being back where one belongs.

A waiting slave

Apparently my good behaviour has continued today. MT informed me last night in bed that if my good behaviour continues then she will use my bottom again soon or plug me..............and this is supposed to inspire me ?

In all honesty, I have missed her using me hard. Whilst I find such use difficult, often painful and very humiliating it does make me feel where I belong. I suppose I am a a person who responds better to physical use rather than psychological use/conditioning, although all types of stimulus do work.

MT is very much a believer of the 'dog wagging the tail ' and not vice-versa. So the more I want something and verbalise it, the less likely I am to get it. Trying reverse psychology would not be a good approach for me, MT would see right through it and then I would be in serious trouble.

Good slave service

Today has been a good day, a busy day, but worthwhile.

Yesterday I only worked for two hours so I did not feel as tired as I usually do, or as achey. MT has wanted some jobs done for a while and today was the day. I thought this would be prudent on numerous levels, including the chilli ;) but the main reason was that I wanted to show her my positive attributes which have been a bit in hiding recently.

I took down and moved some shelving in the bedroom as per her requirement. Made good the holes and repainted the whole wall. Cleaned and polished the shelves and ornaments. Fitted MT's pine mirror to the wall and my gothic style mirror. Swept and washed the floor and tidied up the room generally.

I then went and did the supermarket shop with MT, and later made her chick pea curry for dinner which is one of her favourite meals. I also found the the Downton Abbey episode on the internet she wanted to watch and we watched that together.

I was allowed a bike ride which was great. It was a more subdued ride today as earlier on I had watched the Moto GP race on television and unfortunately Marco Simoncelli was fatally injured in a crash. It was a horrific crash and  made a chill run through me. So it was a case of taking it extra easy.

MT told me that she was very pleased with me today, which was really great to hear. See I can be good ;)

PS.  Had fucking awesome sex last night.

Shadows of the past

Sometimes when MT is using me I sort of get flashbacks to those distant days when I was a sadistic dominant male making the most of feminine flesh..

This particularly occurs when she is using me with her strap on. She will make a comment such as ' be a good boy and put your bottom up for me'. I obey (of course) and in the same instance I remember back to when I used to say' be a good girl and put it up for me'. It is like two worlds colliding, neither seem real at that precise moment, yet I know that both are.

Also flashing through my head sometimes at the same time, is 'how the fuck did I get here ?'.

A question pondered so many times I have all but given up even trying to think about it anymore.

The real danger time is when MT does not use me much or exerts less direct control over me, it does not take long for the old dominant me to poke it's head around the corner and sometimes even enter the room.

The most difficult time is if she lets me have a dominant lead in the bedroom, given an inch I will have taken a mile before I have even realised it. Of course I quickly get put back in line but it is a little like dropping a rock over the side of a cliff..............very hard to stop it once you have let go.

Of the two realms, I very much prefer the one where I am now. The past was fun, but this is more rewarding and of greater depth for me.

MT's a hot bitch

Regular readers will be fully aware that I have been in a little bit of hot water with my darling owner recently. Also, that I have been trying to put some extra effort in to get back into her good books.

I am pleased to report that I have been making quite good progress. So much so that late this afternoon after I had finished work and preparing my evening meal, I was allowed to physically pleasure her in bed.

After just a few minutes of delivering loving strokes to MT's clitoris the following conversation transpired :


MT - You've been cutting chilli's haven't you?

Me - Yes Mistress but I washed my hands three times.


MT - Well three times wasn't enough evidently.

Me - Is it really hot?

MT - Yes it's fairly hot.

Me- (slave snigger's very quietly to self) Do you want me to stop Mistress ?

MT - I am not sure yet. I'll see how it goes...

Me - It is likely to get hotter the longer it goes on Mistress.


MT - (horny and hedonistic as per usual) Oh just carry on.

Me - Yes Mistress (slave carries on with amused swagger at inadvertently causing MT clitoral discomfort)

MT seemed to be wriggling around much more than usual, there was a definite hint of leg kicking and some cute sexy little girly squeaks and squeals which I am unused to hearing from her. It reminded me so much of the 'good old days. At an apt moment I hopefully (and I thought hilariously) asked her if she fancied trying me figging her, but sadly the reply was in the negative. However as I never thought I'd get near her clit with chilli, and she does like anal sex hope springs eternal. A slaveboy can dream.....

Service continued however until MT had stoically had her orgasms.

Slave is in reflective quiet mood and not mentioning his dinner, which was heavily laden with chilli's.

Bad slave behaviour

I find being property so difficult sometimes. It seems most of my issues occur when I am either tired, not feeling well or a combination of the two.

Most of the time things are fine, but occasionally it's not. When it goes awry It usually happens very quickly and often without warning. One minute all is calm and then something happens or something is said that causes me to fly off the handle.............and then everything goes kaput.

I hate it when this happens but it does seem to be a cycle that is proving impossible to break. At the moment MT is a bit miffed with me, but it's a relatively minor miffed, I think. Recognising I am in the shit is quite easy, it is trying to not get any deeper that is the problem and then the really hard bit, getting out of it and getting back to normal.

MT has a slow fuse, it used to be slower than it is now, but apparently I have used up most of her patience, so her fuse has got shorter. A miffed MT is not a good thing and I genuinely hate her being unhappy, I also hate myself being unhappy. Once miffed, it can take ages for MT to go back to normal with me, it can seem to take forever.

With me it is different, I have always had a very short fuse, but it has got longer since being with MT, but it is still a 'short' fuse by anyone else's definition. Once 'blow up' has occurred I usually calm fairly quickly and then want to be normal as soon as possible.

This then creates further 'issues', because I want to sort of get back to normal and put it out of the way I get frustrated that Mt is still fuming/annoyed/hurt and is unable to go back to normal in the sort of time frame that I would like. I then get frustrated, which leads to annoyed and then can blow again.

I guess I am part way there by recognising the problems but the cure is the bit that is proving difficult. A fit and well me that is fully rested is relatively easier to live with and my tolerances are much higher then.

I am hoping that my new work schedule which I am introducing on 1 st November will ease the tiredness aspect. Plus, I perhaps need to succumb to MT's continual bombardment of trying to get me to the Doctors to have a check up, just to make sure there is no underlying problem causing my tiredness and irritability.

Meanwhile, I am trying to get back into MT's good books, Hmmm ........not easy. But, I shall start now by going to the bedroom where she is having a rest and give her some hugs. I would offer some sexual service but I think she is not in the mood for that right now. Hugs would be safer, plus I shall try and not talk , that would also be safer.

What O/p is to me

When I refer to MT I often use the term 'Mistress' it is something that started not long after we first met and has continued to be used. Neither of us particularly like the name and have spent some time trying to find a title that sounds more appropriate for us. So far, we have yet to use anything else, apart from Owner.

Neither of us are really people that try to fit in with convention, we both just try to be ourselves and do not worry about protocol.When out in the BDSM and Femdom community we have often raised more than a few eyebrows by our lack of accepted protocols. Of course this has not bothered either of us, we do not feel any need to attain approval.

Recently on FL some people have said about their relationships ' There is more to us than just O/p' .

The comment struck me quite hard and I had to really try and contain myself from responding. I tried to fathom how they could possibly make this statement and yet claim to be in an O/p relationship. I also wondered if it was a miscommunication in terms of their phraseology, but after a while it became evident from subsequent postings that O/p was seen as 'part' of their relationship.

We are all different, diversity is good but I just can't get my head around the concept that O/p is just part of someones relationship. For MT and I, O/p IS our relationship.

Of course there are numerous facets which exist within our relationship, things such as love, romance, friendship, sex, companionship and providing care to mention just a few.

MT owns me, this is total, she controls everything, even the things where she devolves responsibility to me for. She decides what, when , where , how and with whom etc for a whole host of things.

In my opinion O/p encompasses everything, there is nothing outside of it, there can't be, because if there was something not included, then we could not possibly be in an O/p relationship.

When discussing this with MT she reminded me that a long time ago I used to sometimes say something like    ' Oh that's not part of O/p ' usually when it was something I was none too happy about or had just not been thinking straight. Perhaps it is part of the transition process and becomes everything over time.

Sometimes I forget the changes I have undergone and how different my life has become. Reflecting on the past and comparing it to where I am now still sends a shock wave through me every now and then.

The journey is far from over and no doubt some routes will be re-travelled but I am looking forward to it, well most of it ,anyway......not the hurty bits..

Unpredictable

Today has been an uneventful one but a pleasant and relaxing one.

I feel tired from our sexual antics and loss of sleep but of course 'happy'.

Tonight will probably be fairly quiet, MT is also tired Hehe.

That all said, I never know what will happen next, MT is very unpredictable, just when I am feeling safe, something often happens to keep me on my toes.

I like the unpredictable element of our relationship and lifestyle. It makes me feel 'alive'.

Sex and more great sex

This morning started off the same way as last night finished.....Yipeeeeee.

I was allowed to provide full sexual service to MT and I made the most of it. I saved my orgasm for this mornings session as i wanted to be at my 'hungriest' (gone are the days of rampant youth) but I think I do OK for an oldie.

It was sheer bliss to have wild and relatively free ability to pleasure my Owner. Such occasions are rare and thus very special. I think it fair to say we both ended up a little sore yet very sated (well as sated as MT can be, it does not take long for her desire to rise again).

I was permitted a bike ride after shopping and I took advantage of the dry and sunny day to whizz around the country lanes on the as yet still un-named new bike.

One of the things I like about biking is the feeling of 'freedom' I get from being on a bike. Kind of ironic really that I get joy  from the feeling of 'freedom' that riding gives me and yet get joy in my life by giving up my freedom to MT.

I be a strange creature.

Through the looking glass.

The following questions were raised by MT on FL and I thought I would post my replies on here and elaborate on them a little.

Q. Do you find the 'future not being your responsibility' liberating or difficult?

Ans.Both actually. On one hand not being responsible for my own destiny is exceptionally liberating, especially as I have been taken down roads that I never would have chosen to venture down left to my own devices.
On the other hand, it is very difficult, as from a very young age my whole life became my own responsibility and old habits die hard.

Q. Has this changed as time has gone on?

Ans. It has become a little easier. With time passing and experience gained of my Owner I am not so nervous about the future. While I trusted her from the outset, it was based on a less tested assessment than it is now, I now have substantial evidence that supports it.

Q. Was it part of the appeal of slavery for you?

Ans. Yes in some ways it was. In my 50 years pre-MT I had experienced quite a lot, and some of it would have been better not experienced. So having not made a huge success of my life in some areas, the opportunity for someone else to fashion it had some appeal. It was also quite exciting and I do like to live dangerously.
It was also probably the only way we would have had a chance of our relationship as well, MT on a lead was kinda unlikely.

Q.How much input do you get into the creation of your future?

Ans. I get loads of input, some asked for, some not. What I do not get is the final say. I give my opinion and/or my preferences or requests etc but at the end of the day MT makes the decisions.

Q.If you have any input do you see this as very different to having responsibility for it, or do you consider this semantics?

Ans.MT often makes me responsible for some things and when she does it is my responsibility to act on it according to her directions and achieve what she wants. It is my responsibility to achieve the desired result, I am always aware of the price of failure ;)

Q.Have you embraced the mind-set Schrodinger’s Cat speaks of in the quote, or is it (still?) alien to you?

Ans.Logically and fundamentally I have accepted it, it just becomes hard to live with some times on a practical level. Like most things, us humans seldom fight against anything we actually want.

Q.Any other thoughts?

Ans.Since being property I have undergone many transitions and I am sure I will continue to evolve as time passes. Personally, I often find O/p a little bit like 'two paces forward and one pace backwards' – and sometimes it is perhaps a bit more like 'no paces forward and rapid reverse'. I seem to make some progress, have a little relapse and then continue forward to my next fuck up, erm, I mean step backwards.
For me this is 'normal', yes I would love to be able to say it is always easy to have my future taken out of my hands , but the reality is that it easy sometimes, but sometimes it isn't.

One thing that came to mind after I had posted the above replies was basically 'if I had not done this, what would I be doing now and what would my future have been ' .

Things such as would I have continued on my previous dominant lifestyle ? would I have turned vanilla ? would I have ever become property to anyone else ?

I expect I would have remained dominant (I still am to everyone apart from MT), vanilla, definately not, I am far too kinky for that. Someone elses property, no I really do not think so. MT was a 'one off' I am pretty certain about that.

Had I not met MT and had her controlling me I would have probably added a few more relationships to my already long list,. Would have probably added hugely to my credit cards, squandered money on substances and alcohol and been grossly overweight and in line with past history would have probably been very unhappy. But on the other side of the coin I would have still had a virgin arse and not sucked cock and swallowed cum or had my arse fucked by a man or had various scars.

Interesting how life turns out isn't it ?